The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Of Love and War Part2"Love Among the Thorns
34 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
What a great story.....what a time.......the animals and Nathan and the way his men reacted when he didn't respond...this is a great guy....nurses reaction....this is a handsome guy....well spun ...well done
God bless
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
  |
What a great story.....what a time.......the animals and Nathan and the way his men reacted when he didn't respond...this is a great guy....nurses reaction....this is a handsome guy....well spun ...well done
God bless
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
-
Wow kiwijenny, thank you so much for this wonderful review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read. God bless also my dear.
Comment from Max Edon
I haven't read the previous chapters, but I enjoyed reading this. The scene where the animals were injured was very well done. A very good chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
|
I haven't read the previous chapters, but I enjoyed reading this. The scene where the animals were injured was very well done. A very good chapter.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
-
Thank you Max. Please check the other chapters. This is not a war story. It's romance. I had to include a chapter of WWI because it would be realistic to write in this time period and not have him in the war. So thanks again for reading, my dear.
-
You are welcome
Comment from Edward Buatois
amahra,
Pretty good. :-). Almost reminds me of a James Herriot meets MASH kind of vibe.
A couple of things.
I think some of your sentences are a bit long. I can give you some examples if you like.
The last few lines where he wants to tell her how he feels. Especially the last one. I think something like, 'He wanted to shout, "I always loved you, etc., etc.," but all that came out was, "Take care."'
As well. I've been reading this book that supposedly was written by an experienced creative writing teacher. You can take this advice or not, as I have not fully internalized it myself. But essentially, stories are about people... in particular, he gave an example of a snippet of a schooner fighting the waves, and another of a guy just trying to walk down the sidewalk to get to work. Then he had the class vote on which was more interesting writing. Whenever he did this exercise, it was almost invariably the guy walking down the sidewalk and not the drama of the weathered schooner. Because the first was about a guy everyone could relate to, and the second was a ship.
So... I like the passage in the beginning with the description of the horses and the men being hurt. My advice is to consider changing it from a somewhat dispassionate listing of what happened to the animals and men, to a much expanded passage where you actually go into the screams and the explosions and the men being hit with each other's blood, told in "close third person," where the narrator describes the action ALMOST from the perspective of the men, if that makes any sense. I think it could be a good idea because it could really heighten the panic and the literal mortal fear with the sudden blackness and waking up in the hospital and the (so far) unrequited love of Margaret.
Again, all optional... just feel what you want to do. Hope it helps. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
|
amahra,
Pretty good. :-). Almost reminds me of a James Herriot meets MASH kind of vibe.
A couple of things.
I think some of your sentences are a bit long. I can give you some examples if you like.
The last few lines where he wants to tell her how he feels. Especially the last one. I think something like, 'He wanted to shout, "I always loved you, etc., etc.," but all that came out was, "Take care."'
As well. I've been reading this book that supposedly was written by an experienced creative writing teacher. You can take this advice or not, as I have not fully internalized it myself. But essentially, stories are about people... in particular, he gave an example of a snippet of a schooner fighting the waves, and another of a guy just trying to walk down the sidewalk to get to work. Then he had the class vote on which was more interesting writing. Whenever he did this exercise, it was almost invariably the guy walking down the sidewalk and not the drama of the weathered schooner. Because the first was about a guy everyone could relate to, and the second was a ship.
So... I like the passage in the beginning with the description of the horses and the men being hurt. My advice is to consider changing it from a somewhat dispassionate listing of what happened to the animals and men, to a much expanded passage where you actually go into the screams and the explosions and the men being hit with each other's blood, told in "close third person," where the narrator describes the action ALMOST from the perspective of the men, if that makes any sense. I think it could be a good idea because it could really heighten the panic and the literal mortal fear with the sudden blackness and waking up in the hospital and the (so far) unrequited love of Margaret.
Again, all optional... just feel what you want to do. Hope it helps. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
-
WOW Thank you. I wish you could get those two examples to me. I post my work hoping to meet people like you who can help me reach my goal in writing. Blessings to you, my friend.
Comment from JM daSilva
Nice chapter. Full of emotion, funny, drama. The war was very well described as well. Good job. I point some other stuff in the pm.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
|
Nice chapter. Full of emotion, funny, drama. The war was very well described as well. Good job. I point some other stuff in the pm.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
-
Thank you JM.
-
Welcome.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a very interesting read. I watched War Horse and I was absolutely captivated by it. This is in the same genre. You might need to look at the line,
soldiers' field hospital where Nathan and
his men were treated immediately. But Nathan remained unconscious with round-the-clock nursing.
You need to remove the return after "and." This will make it flow better and make it part of the same line. Great read, however, and I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
|
This is a very interesting read. I watched War Horse and I was absolutely captivated by it. This is in the same genre. You might need to look at the line,
soldiers' field hospital where Nathan and
his men were treated immediately. But Nathan remained unconscious with round-the-clock nursing.
You need to remove the return after "and." This will make it flow better and make it part of the same line. Great read, however, and I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
-
Thank you Tomes. It's a technical problem. There is no break when I edit, but as soon as I hit save, it breaks and I don't know why. I'll keep working on it. I'm so glad you liked the story. I loved war Horse too.
-
Yes, it was very emotional for me. It was a very powerful story and this is a good story to use as inspiration. I use stories for inspiration too.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
A great dedicated, war filled , battle ridden beginning. Blood and guts in the right places, animal and human. Fear of brain damage and possible amnesia for Nathan. Nurses to dote on him and finally of all things, an encounter with Margaret. A wonderful chapter, Carolyn
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
|
A great dedicated, war filled , battle ridden beginning. Blood and guts in the right places, animal and human. Fear of brain damage and possible amnesia for Nathan. Nurses to dote on him and finally of all things, an encounter with Margaret. A wonderful chapter, Carolyn
Comment Written 05-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
-
Thank you so much Carolyn. Even though it was war, I tried to keep as much of a hint of romance as I could. I'm glad you noticed that.
Comment from Shirley B
This is an excellent chapter. I was so glad Nathan woke up. Your characters all seem so real. That is due to your excellent writing skills. You are doing a great job. I am looking forward to the next chapter, Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
|
This is an excellent chapter. I was so glad Nathan woke up. Your characters all seem so real. That is due to your excellent writing skills. You are doing a great job. I am looking forward to the next chapter, Shirley
Comment Written 05-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
-
Thank you Shirley for keeping up with my story. I really appreciate it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where nathan is injured and the nurses are infatuated with him. margaret comes for a visit...
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
|
this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where nathan is injured and the nurses are infatuated with him. margaret comes for a visit...
Comment Written 05-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
-
Thank you sweetwoodjax.
Comment from Titan Black
I'm sure that Nathan will eventually find out that haveing a life filled with love is not all that its cracked up to be. Expecially when you love animals. Because the government love doing experiments on animals. And you never know which ones they are targeting. But you did an amazing write. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
|
I'm sure that Nathan will eventually find out that haveing a life filled with love is not all that its cracked up to be. Expecially when you love animals. Because the government love doing experiments on animals. And you never know which ones they are targeting. But you did an amazing write. Keep writing.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
-
Thank you Titan.
Comment from robina1978
Nathan hates so many horses and mules getting so injured. If he can patch them up they have to work again. But now he gets very seriously injured and they feared for his life. The visitor that comes is his lost love and not his wife. Maybe she had to stay with their children.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
|
Nathan hates so many horses and mules getting so injured. If he can patch them up they have to work again. But now he gets very seriously injured and they feared for his life. The visitor that comes is his lost love and not his wife. Maybe she had to stay with their children.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2013
-
Thank you robina for reading and for your review. Nathan is not married. I'm still not sure who to give him to. LOL
-
welcome, I most have thought wrongly
