Tech No
Quatrain Rhyming Epic26 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer stays consistent with the abab rhyme scheme. The writer does a good job of not forcing the rhymes which leads to a smooth flow. The message is clear and easy to understand as this piece holds my attention from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
  |
The writer stays consistent with the abab rhyme scheme. The writer does a good job of not forcing the rhymes which leads to a smooth flow. The message is clear and easy to understand as this piece holds my attention from beginning to end.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
-
Hi Righteous, Thank you so much for your generous comments and considerate rating. Have a wonderful day! JR
Comment from 9999pool
Sounds like a Hollywood movie becoming real.
Overweight humans and all the androids serving our needs.
We even lost the ability to walk as walking and moving is not necessary with all the robots doing the work.
The robots even manage the country for us, more honest of course, than humans and never sleeps.
In an oppressive movement due to the Brainchild of Robots in a massive computer turned rogue, there are no more humans and mankind perished. All of us went to heaven, thanks to these glorious inventions.
The robots started praying to God and became god-like too.
Wow! Great metaphor and imagery. Well done on this sci-fi write in a poem. Loved it!!
Cheerio, hug, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
|
Sounds like a Hollywood movie becoming real.
Overweight humans and all the androids serving our needs.
We even lost the ability to walk as walking and moving is not necessary with all the robots doing the work.
The robots even manage the country for us, more honest of course, than humans and never sleeps.
In an oppressive movement due to the Brainchild of Robots in a massive computer turned rogue, there are no more humans and mankind perished. All of us went to heaven, thanks to these glorious inventions.
The robots started praying to God and became god-like too.
Wow! Great metaphor and imagery. Well done on this sci-fi write in a poem. Loved it!!
Cheerio, hug, Ritchie.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
-
Hi Ritchie, It reads like a B movie doesn't it? LOL. The poem was inspired after watching a BBC program regarding Japanese technology and imagination run amok. Thank you so much for your most generous comments and considerate rating. Have a great day! JR
-
WEll, it will make a great movie, B or otherwise or even an 18+ if the robots can serve as our life partners, LOL.
Great imagination. No humans - well, one less problem for the world perhaps? Smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie.
-
Smiles back. Actually, your comment "one less problem for the world perhaps" is kind of profound. I hadn't considered how improved earth would be without all of mankind. JR
-
LOL. God knew he will get a billion human problems or more with us, yet he did it - think about that! Smiles.
Cheerio, Ritchie.
Comment from chasennov
'Tech No.' Ha ha, I liked this one a lot. Good poem you have created here. I thought your formulation was terrific, and your structure was neatly done.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
|
'Tech No.' Ha ha, I liked this one a lot. Good poem you have created here. I thought your formulation was terrific, and your structure was neatly done.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
-
Hi chasennov. Thank you so much for a favorable review and considerate rating. I'm glad that you enjoyed the read. Have a great day! JR
-
You're most welcome, JR.
Comment from Steve Pantazis
A terrifying possibility of our future where machines take over and humans become outdated, unneeded and expendable. Ah, the future is bright--as in the flashlight eyes of a sentient robot.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
|
A terrifying possibility of our future where machines take over and humans become outdated, unneeded and expendable. Ah, the future is bright--as in the flashlight eyes of a sentient robot.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
-
Hi Steve, It could be terrifying if scientists discover how to replicate the human brain. They have already built copies of vital organs that may someday be used for human transplants. Thank you so much for your generous comments and rating. Have a great day! JR
Comment from DanielEkine
Really well written and beautiful work
best part
"Their self-reliant automation
With full back-up system supports
and fleshy frubber skin formation
Use service model charging ports
Complex technology is ready
To change the world and all its parts
While mass production remains steady
A global promotion jumpstarts " jumpstarts should be jump starts
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
 |
Really well written and beautiful work
best part
"Their self-reliant automation
With full back-up system supports
and fleshy frubber skin formation
Use service model charging ports
Complex technology is ready
To change the world and all its parts
While mass production remains steady
A global promotion jumpstarts " jumpstarts should be jump starts
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
-
Hi Daniel, You're a dear for pointing that out. I literally had seconds to get this in before the deadline and even went back to revise a line in the 8th stanza afterward, while still overlooking jump starts. Thank you so much for your generous comments and rating. Have a great night! JR
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi JR,
This one is well penned and thought provoking. Great guidance and inner message in this work. Makes the reader stop and pause for a bit. Where is the future leading us.
Your last line powerful.
Strong submission for the quatrains contest. Good luck and thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
|
Hi JR,
This one is well penned and thought provoking. Great guidance and inner message in this work. Makes the reader stop and pause for a bit. Where is the future leading us.
Your last line powerful.
Strong submission for the quatrains contest. Good luck and thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
-
Hi Maureen, I had seconds to get this in by the deadline and since have revised a line in the 8th stanza and corrected a typo. It reads a little better now :) Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and considerate rating. Have a lovely day! JR
