Picture Poems, Vol 1
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Brown Butterfly"Poems in my first book
15 total reviews
Comment from Darkhorse555
a very unusual butterfly when your dancing fluttering your wings on the breeze from walking you flew out of town I enjoyed your piece
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2013
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a very unusual butterfly when your dancing fluttering your wings on the breeze from walking you flew out of town I enjoyed your piece
Comment Written 30-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2013
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Thanks Darkhorse. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from ravenblack
Too many of your rhymes here are not natural end stops, but the result of line breaks. When reading the poem, I can't help but pause at each end rhyme leading to a read that is far from smooth as most of the rhymes come mid phrase. You should also split each tercet into a stanza.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2013
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Too many of your rhymes here are not natural end stops, but the result of line breaks. When reading the poem, I can't help but pause at each end rhyme leading to a read that is far from smooth as most of the rhymes come mid phrase. You should also split each tercet into a stanza.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2013
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Thank you Ravenblack. Sorry you didn't like the flow. I was experimenting with the style. Those breaks were intentional. The notes sort of explain what I was trying to achieve. I seen this on others, including Mr. Poe.
Comment from ccmwriter
Very much liked and enjoyed your poem. I thought it was well written. Didn't know this style was called Gertrude (my grandmother's name). She would have like it too. Thanks for the detailed explanation of it.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Very much liked and enjoyed your poem. I thought it was well written. Didn't know this style was called Gertrude (my grandmother's name). She would have like it too. Thanks for the detailed explanation of it.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you ccmwriter.
Comment from barkingdog
I've been enjoying these Gertrude poems with their jaunty tempo and a rhyme pattern one can count on.
I love this encounter with a brown butterfly who quickly flew away.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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I've been enjoying these Gertrude poems with their jaunty tempo and a rhyme pattern one can count on.
I love this encounter with a brown butterfly who quickly flew away.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you, barkingdog. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, i'm not feeling the rhythm but that's probably because of the way i accent things with my southern drawl. i wish you the best ofl uck in the contest
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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this is very well written, mystery writer, i'm not feeling the rhythm but that's probably because of the way i accent things with my southern drawl. i wish you the best ofl uck in the contest
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you sweetwoodjax
Comment from poeticpatchwork
Wow! What a beautiful poem to match the beautiful butterfly! That is such a cool looking butterfly with lace look around the wings! That's awesome that you got to see one alive! I was waiting for you to say it flew in to your face!! Glad it just flew away instead!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Wow! What a beautiful poem to match the beautiful butterfly! That is such a cool looking butterfly with lace look around the wings! That's awesome that you got to see one alive! I was waiting for you to say it flew in to your face!! Glad it just flew away instead!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thanks poeticpatchwork. That would have really been something.
Comment from 9999pool
There is something about this Gertrude poem that actually made us see the whole scenery unfolding before our eyes.
The tempo of the poem in short and long lines kept us bouncing on a trampoline like the flight of the butterfly hovering and then fluttering - not knowing where it ends until it flew out of town.
There are times when we read a poem and we instantly took a liking to it. The fact that my six stars is one of five sixers meant it will be a 'Featured Poem' in Fanstory for sure, smiles.
The words are weaved and bounced off the springboard and then the calm setting of the butterfly on the sand.
An almost melodious write with the full orchestra's tempo of fast and slow and then a jingle of musical notes as the butterfly prepared to take flight.
Absolutely brilliant write and this one could be the winner, albeit the other entries, of course. Mark my word.
Cheerio, best wishes, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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There is something about this Gertrude poem that actually made us see the whole scenery unfolding before our eyes.
The tempo of the poem in short and long lines kept us bouncing on a trampoline like the flight of the butterfly hovering and then fluttering - not knowing where it ends until it flew out of town.
There are times when we read a poem and we instantly took a liking to it. The fact that my six stars is one of five sixers meant it will be a 'Featured Poem' in Fanstory for sure, smiles.
The words are weaved and bounced off the springboard and then the calm setting of the butterfly on the sand.
An almost melodious write with the full orchestra's tempo of fast and slow and then a jingle of musical notes as the butterfly prepared to take flight.
Absolutely brilliant write and this one could be the winner, albeit the other entries, of course. Mark my word.
Cheerio, best wishes, Ritchie.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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Thank you Ritchie. That would be nice. Especially sins I'm not doing well on contests.
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Welcome Tom.
With so many six stars the voters would have noticed them outright and coupled with excellent reviews from Ritchie (LOL), the chances are good.
That aside, the number of sixers this poem garnered already attested to the popularity of this great write. Have faith and belief my friend, smiles.
Cheero, Ritchie.
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I've only gotten a six from you, Ritchie, and Rondeno gave it a 4. But, I have faith in the power of Ritchie!
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Hi Tom,
Wait till my good gang sees my review on this, smiles. Usually my prediction comes true, like it or not, LOL. I have predicted many winners in the past.
Fingers crossed and I still believe i can bet on this brown butterfly.
Smiles, Ritchie. :))
P.S. Do PM me if you win.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
This one almost felt like a little leprechaun dancing around it's flight of fancy! I loved the tempo and the photograph is wonderful. You have done a grand job on this one. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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This one almost felt like a little leprechaun dancing around it's flight of fancy! I loved the tempo and the photograph is wonderful. You have done a grand job on this one. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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Thank you. I appreciate your exuberance!
Comment from adewpearl
lovely photo, my talented friend
love the internal/proximate rhymes of found/brown and ground/down
beautiful descriptive detail
excellent use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing
good internal rhyme throughout
a delightful poem :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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lovely photo, my talented friend
love the internal/proximate rhymes of found/brown and ground/down
beautiful descriptive detail
excellent use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing
good internal rhyme throughout
a delightful poem :-) Brooke
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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Thank you Brooke.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This is a well constructed format "Gertrude" style - a new one for me. Well penned and thanks for the guidance in your author notes or I wouldn't have grasped this one.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Maureen
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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This is a well constructed format "Gertrude" style - a new one for me. Well penned and thanks for the guidance in your author notes or I wouldn't have grasped this one.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Maureen
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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Thank you Maureen. A departure from the usual, but an intriguing style. Not expecting much in the contest, but thanks for the encouragement.
