Silver Threads
A (modified) Shakespearean sonnet of cursed enchantment94 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Jones
Loved your sonnet. And I have always liked enjambment in poetry. This was a delight to read. The old story of betrayal
beautifully written.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Loved your sonnet. And I have always liked enjambment in poetry. This was a delight to read. The old story of betrayal
beautifully written.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much Rose - so glad you enjoyedthis one! :)Sharyn
Comment from barkingdog
I don't know why, but my mind sees a man in love with another of the crew. The former was so in love with the cheating other that he ended up jumping with him to their death in the sea.(A woman wouldn't be strong enough to perpetrate such a conclusion. And what would other women be doing on a ship off to seek 'lands of mystery and gold'?)
If it is totally metaphor and there is no sea, but just the sea of life itself, then it could be a woman speaking, and after the betrayal, she seeks revenge-- maybe murder/suicide where she takes her former lover with her to death(ocean's blackest bed).
Lovely alliteration, splendid use of enjambment and perfect meter and rhyme.
Bravo!!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I don't know why, but my mind sees a man in love with another of the crew. The former was so in love with the cheating other that he ended up jumping with him to their death in the sea.(A woman wouldn't be strong enough to perpetrate such a conclusion. And what would other women be doing on a ship off to seek 'lands of mystery and gold'?)
If it is totally metaphor and there is no sea, but just the sea of life itself, then it could be a woman speaking, and after the betrayal, she seeks revenge-- maybe murder/suicide where she takes her former lover with her to death(ocean's blackest bed).
Lovely alliteration, splendid use of enjambment and perfect meter and rhyme.
Bravo!!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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well you're just plain KINKY dear! The Captain's daughter, of course, would be the ONLY other lady aboard ship, yes? (Lucky her). But how to do a gay suicide pact ... hmmm ...
Bless you for your lovely six on this one!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Titan Black
This is cool. I really like some of the lines and you
really expressed your love for the is person strongly.
Could have been a little more creative. But you did
your best. And that"s appreciated. Keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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This is cool. I really like some of the lines and you
really expressed your love for the is person strongly.
Could have been a little more creative. But you did
your best. And that"s appreciated. Keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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aaah, so sad ... :)
Comment from ravenblack
At first, had a problem with " hold//forever" but on second read, think you split it that way purposefully to suggest forever. Good story. Watery bed = watery grave, the magic and fate seeming natural and not forced.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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At first, had a problem with " hold//forever" but on second read, think you split it that way purposefully to suggest forever. Good story. Watery bed = watery grave, the magic and fate seeming natural and not forced.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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thx so much Ed - yes, I had a question on that bit, too, and was sorely tempted to stick a period at the end of the verse and simply start the next verse with conventional upper case/ new sentence ... which one would you actually PREFER???
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Leave it as is
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What I meant is don't change it at all. The carry over of hold to forever, a split sentence, adds a strange pause that really works to emphasize forever. No end stop. No caps. Do not change it.
Comment from Deniz22
Woman scorned takes down the ship,
be cautious man, with your lip.
When with her you give your oath,
follow through or she'll drown you both.
Better vote for her in this contest
or she will bury you with all the rest.
See? I can be sweet? Good job, really.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Woman scorned takes down the ship,
be cautious man, with your lip.
When with her you give your oath,
follow through or she'll drown you both.
Better vote for her in this contest
or she will bury you with all the rest.
See? I can be sweet? Good job, really.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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oh you are such a sweetie-pie this week Deniz! Someone must have changed your meds then dear?? Nooo, JK. You really ARE a sweetie and I thank you big-time for your wonderful six on this one. I'll offer only kisses and cuddles from now on ... promise ... mwaaaah!
:)Sharyn
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:)
Comment from kiwijenny
I like this poignant and fitting.
I bind you now with cursed silver thread
To lie with me in oceans blackest bed
Well done he got his comeuppance
This poem fits the picture perfectly
God bless
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I like this poignant and fitting.
I bind you now with cursed silver thread
To lie with me in oceans blackest bed
Well done he got his comeuppance
This poem fits the picture perfectly
God bless
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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thx so much kiwi! :)Sharyn
Comment from emjaihammond
I really enjoyed reading this wonderful and entertaining poem. I can find no errors in the writing of it. Your writing is always superb and I feel a bit silly trying to find something wrong with what you write. My untrained eye does the best it can as I look over what you have done. On the other hand, I do know what I like and dislike. I very much like this work of art.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I really enjoyed reading this wonderful and entertaining poem. I can find no errors in the writing of it. Your writing is always superb and I feel a bit silly trying to find something wrong with what you write. My untrained eye does the best it can as I look over what you have done. On the other hand, I do know what I like and dislike. I very much like this work of art.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Bless you for your lovely six on this one, MJ! your high praise now has me blushing! :)))Sharyn
Comment from Cookie333
My! Looks like you have done quite well for this contest. Your piece flows very well, tells a smooth story and your language chosen is just right for this one.
thanks so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
k
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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My! Looks like you have done quite well for this contest. Your piece flows very well, tells a smooth story and your language chosen is just right for this one.
thanks so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
k
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thx so much Cookie! :)Sharyn
Comment from adewpearl
strong rhymes in good English sonnet format
good assonance in fair the day and alliteration in
set to sea
effective use of enjambment to keep ideas flowing from line to line and stanza to stanza
I like the alliteration in willing winds whipped
a dramatic turn of events in the third quatrain, the cad
oh, I like the creepiness of the intensely emotional closing
This is a great interpretation of the contest picture :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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strong rhymes in good English sonnet format
good assonance in fair the day and alliteration in
set to sea
effective use of enjambment to keep ideas flowing from line to line and stanza to stanza
I like the alliteration in willing winds whipped
a dramatic turn of events in the third quatrain, the cad
oh, I like the creepiness of the intensely emotional closing
This is a great interpretation of the contest picture :-) Brooke
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Bless you, Brooke - thank you so much! It was a suitably creepy picture, wasn't it!
:)Sharyn
Comment from donaldww
I like your shakespearean sonnet, with more perfect iambic feet that the bard himself. Excellent enjambment across stanzas 1 and 2.
As for the word cursed forced to use two syllables, there is a standard technique you can use. Whenever you need to indicate that a vowel usually silent should be pronounced, you put a grave accent over the vowel.
For example, word looked is usually pronounced as a single syllable (LUKT, like booked), but when written as lookèd, the e is pronounced, giving a two syllable word (LU-kuhd).
Then you don't need to bother with notes about syllable counting.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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I like your shakespearean sonnet, with more perfect iambic feet that the bard himself. Excellent enjambment across stanzas 1 and 2.
As for the word cursed forced to use two syllables, there is a standard technique you can use. Whenever you need to indicate that a vowel usually silent should be pronounced, you put a grave accent over the vowel.
For example, word looked is usually pronounced as a single syllable (LUKT, like booked), but when written as lookèd, the e is pronounced, giving a two syllable word (LU-kuhd).
Then you don't need to bother with notes about syllable counting.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 01-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thx so much DW. I know about the grave, but I can't see how to actually DO one on my keyboard. It automatically places one when I type a word that has one in the French, eg cliché - but that's about it, I'm afraid. Any secrets to share?
:)Sharyn
