Comment from zeldasmith

Excellent

This follows the 5-7-5 rule. It makes sense too. My mother wore glasses and a hearing aid....she always said that she couldn't hear without her glasses and couldn't see without her hearing aid. I couldn't figure her theory until I myself was in my 50's still wearing glasses BUT now I was having trouble hearing...however when I put on my glasses...the words sounded clearer. So your poem makes sense...you relate happiness to the one you love. Good job poet and good luck.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013

Thank you so much for feedback (:
And I feel your pain about the glasses. I need some new ones, I sat on mine haha.

Comment from trevorletang

Excellent

Well done with this structure. A profound message in just three lines with the correct syllable count. All the best for the contest. Maybe an abstract picture could add a dramatic effect, just a thought

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013

Mmmm. I like the picture idea, but I wouldn't want to put someone else's work on here. I want it to be totally my own and I can't draw, so art is out of the question haha. But thank you so much for your feedback (:

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Hi, welcome to FanStory - don't worry, you will meet plenty of writers here.

Your little 5-7-5 poem is interesting - one run-on sentence really which makes it a little unusual for this form. I liked the little puzzle within the content and the link up with the old saying.

Steve

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013

Thank you so much for you feedback (:
And I hope I do befriend of writers. It'd be great to be able to talk to people who share the same interest as me.