Goodbye to Innocence
a true-life story15 total reviews
Comment from EMB
Well, most "candy coated" stories aren't really worth telling, tending to lack the drama and edginess that keeps readers reading. Now, this abusive father is definitely a gripping tale.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2013
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Well, most "candy coated" stories aren't really worth telling, tending to lack the drama and edginess that keeps readers reading. Now, this abusive father is definitely a gripping tale.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2013
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Possibly the reason I'm turned off by most poets. They have a short shopping list---true love, bluebirds, cherry blossoms and God.
Comment from alexgeorge
Its often the experiences that we cannot avoid, like the way our family raises or treats us that mark as the most. And the scars we carry remain with us for the rest of our lives.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Its often the experiences that we cannot avoid, like the way our family raises or treats us that mark as the most. And the scars we carry remain with us for the rest of our lives.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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It has never left me.
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I think this site helps us heal by letting us share our experiences. I hope it works for you too. Thanks for sharing.
Comment from Mrs Jones
This is a very sad story. I will never understand how a mother can allow this sort of thing to happen. Just one suggestion..
I shoved blankets into my mouth .. a blanket? The image of you shoving more than one blanket . LOL
A good write
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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This is a very sad story. I will never understand how a mother can allow this sort of thing to happen. Just one suggestion..
I shoved blankets into my mouth .. a blanket? The image of you shoving more than one blanket . LOL
A good write
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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You're probably right. Thanks.
Comment from wittywriter97
That story opened my eyes and made me realize not all people have the same experiences I have. There is still sin in the world and people are adaptable and can learn from even the darkest situations.In addition, the lesson has some negative aspects, as do all life lessons. I can honestly say I can't find anything I would change or add.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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That story opened my eyes and made me realize not all people have the same experiences I have. There is still sin in the world and people are adaptable and can learn from even the darkest situations.In addition, the lesson has some negative aspects, as do all life lessons. I can honestly say I can't find anything I would change or add.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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I'll trade my memories for yours any day.
Comment from Spitfire
This is beautifully written. The best that I've reaed so far. Such a sad story that your sister ended up selling herself and your mother too weak to leave this horrid man. Thank goodness, you survived.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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This is beautifully written. The best that I've reaed so far. Such a sad story that your sister ended up selling herself and your mother too weak to leave this horrid man. Thank goodness, you survived.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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It was all so very, very sad. Three broken lives were the remnants.
Comment from Quillian
What a powerful and moving story. The more I read on Fanstory,the more I hear of these violent men of the 1950"s and 60's. And it wasn't until I read your story, that I realized that my own push for financial independence may have been fueled by the same impetus.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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What a powerful and moving story. The more I read on Fanstory,the more I hear of these violent men of the 1950"s and 60's. And it wasn't until I read your story, that I realized that my own push for financial independence may have been fueled by the same impetus.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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It wasn't a bad goal, but depending on the motivating forces, it might have taken on some drastic methods. At the time, I wasn't at all aware of what forced me into striving for something that should not have been important if all the foundations were solid.
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I agree.
Comment from barleygirl
This is a great piece & quite like my own upbringing, so I understand it completely. This type of home life was very prevalent in this day & age, when women rarely had earning power to speak of. You conveyed the circumstances, the details, & the feelings very right-on. There were a couple weak aspects, however. The first paragraph wasn't necessary & made it slow-starting. Better to start with vivid action. Jump right into the abuse. The second issue I had was when the younger daughter questioned the mother. That's not believable. In families like these, the kids learn to keep their mouths shut & the mothers are highly defensive. The tone of their discussion just didn't ring true for me. But these were small issues, in the overall scheme of things, as you really did hit the nail on the head, for the majority of the piece. Good work & good luck!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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This is a great piece & quite like my own upbringing, so I understand it completely. This type of home life was very prevalent in this day & age, when women rarely had earning power to speak of. You conveyed the circumstances, the details, & the feelings very right-on. There were a couple weak aspects, however. The first paragraph wasn't necessary & made it slow-starting. Better to start with vivid action. Jump right into the abuse. The second issue I had was when the younger daughter questioned the mother. That's not believable. In families like these, the kids learn to keep their mouths shut & the mothers are highly defensive. The tone of their discussion just didn't ring true for me. But these were small issues, in the overall scheme of things, as you really did hit the nail on the head, for the majority of the piece. Good work & good luck!
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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But in actual fact, I did question my mother. At eleven-years-of-age, I stood between my cowering mother and my father with a barrel lodged beneath my rib cage.
"Guess there will be tow murders tonight," I said. Every piece of dialogue is etched in my brain. Maybe I was an unusual child, but then given the circumstances, that also included sexual abuse, how would anyone describe 'normal' dialogue or behaviour.
Comment from The Death
Every tragedy and hurdle leave their mark and give away a lesson that you always cherish.
I could imagine the horror and pain you would have faced on seeing your sister getting beaten up by that cruel man.
It is really a big tragedy.all you faced was just too cruel and sad.
But you had the lesson,and you will never forget it.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Every tragedy and hurdle leave their mark and give away a lesson that you always cherish.
I could imagine the horror and pain you would have faced on seeing your sister getting beaten up by that cruel man.
It is really a big tragedy.all you faced was just too cruel and sad.
But you had the lesson,and you will never forget it.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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I did indeed process the lesson and gave back kindness where once I was punished.
Comment from gene roush
Well done.
From the gripping opening to the thoughtful conclusion.
nice blend of dialogue and narrative.
Thanks for sharing such a painful memory.
Gene
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Well done.
From the gripping opening to the thoughtful conclusion.
nice blend of dialogue and narrative.
Thanks for sharing such a painful memory.
Gene
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Thank ypu for all the glittering stars and the feedback.
Comment from Max Edon
This was a very dramatic story. It must have taken a lot mof courage to write this. I was pretty horrified to read this. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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This was a very dramatic story. It must have taken a lot mof courage to write this. I was pretty horrified to read this. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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I've lived with this history for so long that it really isn't painful---I don't relive it---but I am aware how different life could have been if I had a stronger foundation. It was a lifetime war to overcome the past.
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You are welcome
