From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Your life's lullaby"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
17 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with well/hell. Good alliteration with soon/sing...too/to...we/write...where/we...wish/well...some/souls...life's/lullaby. Good rhythm and flow. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with well/hell. Good alliteration with soon/sing...too/to...we/write...where/we...wish/well...some/souls...life's/lullaby. Good rhythm and flow. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much for reviewing my work with such perspective and honest good words. Blessings! Vance
Comment from darla1977
Wow!!! This flows beautifully! You have such a talent with rhyme! I can't even pick a favorite verse, they are all my favorite! As always, great presentation!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Wow!!! This flows beautifully! You have such a talent with rhyme! I can't even pick a favorite verse, they are all my favorite! As always, great presentation!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Darly how nice to hear from you and thank you for the lovely reply. Don't be a stranger and I shall come round to visit you soon. HIS GRAYNESS.....Vance
Comment from Izzabell
Now I got this one and enjoyed it very, very, much. Not so many nonsensical words floating around the piece. I like this softer not so deep side of you. Keep up the Good work.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Now I got this one and enjoyed it very, very, much. Not so many nonsensical words floating around the piece. I like this softer not so deep side of you. Keep up the Good work.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Many thanks Izzabell...I really appreciate your kind review: Vance
Comment from barleygirl
This sounds NOTHING like a lullaby to me, but it's still a great poem. I'm not lulled to sleep (or relaxation) by this poem one bit. It's more of a call to action, it seems. Not physical action, but mental. It's just too deep & probing to be a lullaby. It makes a person want to think, not go mindless. But as I said, it's an excellent write.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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This sounds NOTHING like a lullaby to me, but it's still a great poem. I'm not lulled to sleep (or relaxation) by this poem one bit. It's more of a call to action, it seems. Not physical action, but mental. It's just too deep & probing to be a lullaby. It makes a person want to think, not go mindless. But as I said, it's an excellent write.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Thanks barleygirl btw; the poem is not intended to be a lullaby it is to reflect upon your right and option...perhaps obligation to write your own lullaby about your own life. HIS GRAYNESS
Comment from SLHarper
Wow, this is a really sweet poem, with a strong message about humanity's responsibility to be the co-creators with God of their lives. We write the lyrics that shall sing us to sleep by the life choices we make and the legacy we leave. I have one tiny suggestion that you may or may not agree with: In the last stanza, it might work to write "The choices you make (plural)," because then the meter and rhythm (as well as the agreement of plural) go better with "Becomes the lyrics..." It's not even really a criticism -- just a thought. Anyway, this is quite lovely! Nice job, Vance! Yours, Steph
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Wow, this is a really sweet poem, with a strong message about humanity's responsibility to be the co-creators with God of their lives. We write the lyrics that shall sing us to sleep by the life choices we make and the legacy we leave. I have one tiny suggestion that you may or may not agree with: In the last stanza, it might work to write "The choices you make (plural)," because then the meter and rhythm (as well as the agreement of plural) go better with "Becomes the lyrics..." It's not even really a criticism -- just a thought. Anyway, this is quite lovely! Nice job, Vance! Yours, Steph
Comment Written 23-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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STEPH..MANY THANKS AND I WILL HAVE A LOOK AT YOUR VERY WELCOMED SUGGESTION....ALL THE BEST...VANCE
Comment from mumsyone
Great rhyme and meter right through to the last two lines, which don't seem to fit at all because they are a little long and not as smooth as the rest of the poem.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Great rhyme and meter right through to the last two lines, which don't seem to fit at all because they are a little long and not as smooth as the rest of the poem.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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MUMSYONE: THANKS FOR YOUR TIP ON THAT LAST TWO LINES AND WILL GIVE A LOOK. ALL THE BEST, VANCE
Comment from tbacha58
Hi Vance, it a beautiful poem, "today is gone tomorrow may not deliver what it ought". Sad but true, I felt a lot of sadness, most probably you are a hard worker businessman, and has not enough time to write poetry. Bess u Hugs Terry
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Hi Vance, it a beautiful poem, "today is gone tomorrow may not deliver what it ought". Sad but true, I felt a lot of sadness, most probably you are a hard worker businessman, and has not enough time to write poetry. Bess u Hugs Terry
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thanks Terry...yes life has been all business for me for many years and my escape (what little there is of that) has generally been writing music and poetry...it is such a feeling of gratitude to have God delivering feeling you know you are supposed to share. Blessings, Vance
Comment from val fitchie
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that this was a mechanical exercise (sing song curt verses similar to a children's rhyme)AND YET IT'S CONTENT IS THE POLAR(AS IN "CHILLING")OPPOSITE! A PERFECT GOTHIC LULLABYE FOR GRANDPA AND NOT GRANDSON.WHAT'S AMAZING IS THAT THE RESTRICTIVE FORMAT ACTUALLY CAUSED THE ATMOSPHERE TO PERMEATE DEEPER THAN IF IT WERE TO BE FREE TO DISIPATE IN TOO LARGE OF AN ARENA.(THE IRONY OF THE FORMAT VRS. CONTENT IS A BUFFET OF AESTHETIC FULFILLMENT. I SHALL NEVER HUNGER FOR EDUCATION AND ENTERTAINMENT FOR I AM WELL FED AT HIS GREYNESS-THE INN OF IDEAS
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2013
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that this was a mechanical exercise (sing song curt verses similar to a children's rhyme)AND YET IT'S CONTENT IS THE POLAR(AS IN "CHILLING")OPPOSITE! A PERFECT GOTHIC LULLABYE FOR GRANDPA AND NOT GRANDSON.WHAT'S AMAZING IS THAT THE RESTRICTIVE FORMAT ACTUALLY CAUSED THE ATMOSPHERE TO PERMEATE DEEPER THAN IF IT WERE TO BE FREE TO DISIPATE IN TOO LARGE OF AN ARENA.(THE IRONY OF THE FORMAT VRS. CONTENT IS A BUFFET OF AESTHETIC FULFILLMENT. I SHALL NEVER HUNGER FOR EDUCATION AND ENTERTAINMENT FOR I AM WELL FED AT HIS GREYNESS-THE INN OF IDEAS
Comment Written 30-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2013
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Val: thanks so much for this wonderful and stirring review! You are rare in "getting it" for which I am everlastingly grateful...but then again, you are in a reviewer's class all of your own. Meanwhile, I have done everything I could try to recover old messages and apparently this site discards them either after a period of time or when a buffer reaches a certain level. I simply CANNOT recover the script outline you wrote for the TV idea and I too am now on a new laptop following a full meltdown of my last disk drive on the last one. I was sure I copied that offline but don't have a backup there either now. So is there any way you can think of to recover that script???? If you can remember the date or area thereof, I will bet Tom to see if he can recover from his main server. Let me know please as I feel REALLY bad that this has gone missing. I respect the amount of creative work in that and really want to recover it. Vance
Comment from Artasylum
Today has gone
Tomorrow may not
Deliver what you
Think it ought
Truer words never spoken... tomorrow is Always a day away. Great job. Thanks for the read. yours, diana
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Today has gone
Tomorrow may not
Deliver what you
Think it ought
Truer words never spoken... tomorrow is Always a day away. Great job. Thanks for the read. yours, diana
Comment Written 14-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Diana: great to hear from you again and glad you enjoyed this. I hope you will know that my poem was not intended to PREACH but to ACKNOWLEDGE our gifts are to be chosen and the gratitude/belief in the choice is secret to having them. Blessings to you: Vance
Comment from DanielEkine
It's definitely a 5 star for me. The lullaby of life. Tomorrow is not certain and yesterday is gone. Stances and rhymes were really good. My favorite part.
"But then again
You are still here
Tomorrow offers
Love or Fear"
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2013
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It's definitely a 5 star for me. The lullaby of life. Tomorrow is not certain and yesterday is gone. Stances and rhymes were really good. My favorite part.
"But then again
You are still here
Tomorrow offers
Love or Fear"
Comment Written 14-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2013
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Thanks Daniel....much appreciated. Glad to hear from you Vance
