Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Snakes, Part 2"A Boy's Story of the rural South
25 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
a snake named Slick, choking a stick... love the line!
So pleased to happen on another day in the life of young Rabbit!
I enjoyed the snake catching episode with Virge.
And I agree ....that was just wrong! :)
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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a snake named Slick, choking a stick... love the line!
So pleased to happen on another day in the life of young Rabbit!
I enjoyed the snake catching episode with Virge.
And I agree ....that was just wrong! :)
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Thanks for reading and your kind comments. Sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge. Computer problems! Bill
Comment from Sally Carter
Hooray, another Virge story. I so love these, Bill. As I've probably said a dozen times before, I so wish there had been a Virge or his equivalent in my life, which makes me enjoy these accounts all the more.
There were so many lines and phrases I loved -
the snake picker-upper stick - isn't that just the perfect name!
Virge's side-stepping the truth when Miss Louise asked if he was going to kill it. Crafty Virge...
I love you saying you helped to catch him.
Slick - brilliant
A snake named Slick choking a stick - a poem within a story!
Well one day he caught one and was killed - so funny and yet not funny. Brief is good.
Oh my, what an end for King. I hope some way he knows that his story made international reading.
Great contrast between you telling Virge that the snake capture was a "we" achievement, compared with your backing swiftly off Grandpa's experiment.
Bill, I hope I don't drive you mad with spag-spotting, but I gotta do it. As always, if you think the following are worth an edit, I'll be back like a shot to upgrade. (NB we are going on holiday on Sunday for three weeks, so probably best if you can let me know today or tomorrow in case I lose messages or whatever in my absence.)
"Virge said, "Yeah, it probably is best for me to do it this time." -- an errant inverted comma has crept in before Virge.
she was standing by the henhouse and pointing to the ground. "That damn snake is still there. I'm going in; do you want me to take the boy in with me?" -- on first read I thought Grandma meant she was going into the henhouse. It might be slightly clearer if she said she was going indoors or back home or something.
Grandma, finally found a replacement, who she promptly named King. -- no comma needed after Grandma.
Grandpa and I both agreed, that rather than King, he should be named Peasant. -- the comma seems wrong after "agreed". I would remove it altogether or say "Grandpa and I both agreed that, rather than King, he should be...."
...drove her Deluxe Coupe out of the driveway, old King would bite at the tires all the way out of the driveway. -- close repetition of "out of the driveway".
He ain't chasing the car, he's chasing the full moon shaped, chrome, hubcap and biting at his reflection . -- I would suggest removing "full moon shaped". It holds the sentence up a bit, and I guess most hub caps are round.
Rolling my eyes, I replied, "What do you mean we, Grandpa? -- Maybe put 'we' inside single inverted commas, as I guess Rabbit would have emphasised that word.
Her name was Louise, but I noticed, at certain times, he called here Louisee. -- I don't believe any commas are needed around "at certain times". Tiny typo on "her".
All my life people have said that I inherited my grandpa's sense of humor. I'm not sure. That was just wrong. -- What a great finishing sentence! We all know it was terribly wrong, but that probably doesn't stop every reader smiling broadly.
Hope this is some help Bill. Despite the possible impression of the above, your book is one of the most enjoyable reads here, and one whose chapters I open with the greatest pleasure.
Best wishes
Sal
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reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Hooray, another Virge story. I so love these, Bill. As I've probably said a dozen times before, I so wish there had been a Virge or his equivalent in my life, which makes me enjoy these accounts all the more.
There were so many lines and phrases I loved -
the snake picker-upper stick - isn't that just the perfect name!
Virge's side-stepping the truth when Miss Louise asked if he was going to kill it. Crafty Virge...
I love you saying you helped to catch him.
Slick - brilliant
A snake named Slick choking a stick - a poem within a story!
Well one day he caught one and was killed - so funny and yet not funny. Brief is good.
Oh my, what an end for King. I hope some way he knows that his story made international reading.
Great contrast between you telling Virge that the snake capture was a "we" achievement, compared with your backing swiftly off Grandpa's experiment.
Bill, I hope I don't drive you mad with spag-spotting, but I gotta do it. As always, if you think the following are worth an edit, I'll be back like a shot to upgrade. (NB we are going on holiday on Sunday for three weeks, so probably best if you can let me know today or tomorrow in case I lose messages or whatever in my absence.)
"Virge said, "Yeah, it probably is best for me to do it this time." -- an errant inverted comma has crept in before Virge.
she was standing by the henhouse and pointing to the ground. "That damn snake is still there. I'm going in; do you want me to take the boy in with me?" -- on first read I thought Grandma meant she was going into the henhouse. It might be slightly clearer if she said she was going indoors or back home or something.
Grandma, finally found a replacement, who she promptly named King. -- no comma needed after Grandma.
Grandpa and I both agreed, that rather than King, he should be named Peasant. -- the comma seems wrong after "agreed". I would remove it altogether or say "Grandpa and I both agreed that, rather than King, he should be...."
...drove her Deluxe Coupe out of the driveway, old King would bite at the tires all the way out of the driveway. -- close repetition of "out of the driveway".
He ain't chasing the car, he's chasing the full moon shaped, chrome, hubcap and biting at his reflection . -- I would suggest removing "full moon shaped". It holds the sentence up a bit, and I guess most hub caps are round.
Rolling my eyes, I replied, "What do you mean we, Grandpa? -- Maybe put 'we' inside single inverted commas, as I guess Rabbit would have emphasised that word.
Her name was Louise, but I noticed, at certain times, he called here Louisee. -- I don't believe any commas are needed around "at certain times". Tiny typo on "her".
All my life people have said that I inherited my grandpa's sense of humor. I'm not sure. That was just wrong. -- What a great finishing sentence! We all know it was terribly wrong, but that probably doesn't stop every reader smiling broadly.
Hope this is some help Bill. Despite the possible impression of the above, your book is one of the most enjoyable reads here, and one whose chapters I open with the greatest pleasure.
Best wishes
Sal
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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inverted , is system fault. Doesn't show in my post
Hi Sal - I made all the corrections except the hubcap. The small, round, circular hubcap was very much a key visual to the deluxe coupe.
As always, thanks for taking the time to read these in depth. I do appreciate it. Bill
Comment from Writingfundimension
Bill, this is just a superb chapter. I love the wry humor and the lessons I learned in catching a snake. Not that I would ever do that! We have mostly the slender, garden snakes here. This was a truly superb chapter all around, and I wish I had a six to give you. Very much deserved here. Your writing has become streamlined while keeping its very effective narrative voice.
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Bill, this is just a superb chapter. I love the wry humor and the lessons I learned in catching a snake. Not that I would ever do that! We have mostly the slender, garden snakes here. This was a truly superb chapter all around, and I wish I had a six to give you. Very much deserved here. Your writing has become streamlined while keeping its very effective narrative voice.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 31-May-2013
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Thanks Bev - I keep thinking I'm going to bring this to a close, but am having way too much fun with it. Warm regards, Bill
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Hey, keep going forever if it pleases you, Bill. You've got a lot of stories in that there cranium LOL.
Take care, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm a dog-lover, yet I cannot stop laughing at this chapter!!! That's a TERRIBLE story and the funniest thing I've read in a L-o-o-ong time. Wish I still had a six, 'cause this is SO worthy!
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm a dog-lover, yet I cannot stop laughing at this chapter!!! That's a TERRIBLE story and the funniest thing I've read in a L-o-o-ong time. Wish I still had a six, 'cause this is SO worthy!
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thanks for reading and your great review. I appreciate both. Bill
Comment from emjaihammond
Love these stories. Something like what happened to King happened just that way to one of my Dad's dogs. Such good down to earth story telling. I loved it.
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Love these stories. Something like what happened to King happened just that way to one of my Dad's dogs. Such good down to earth story telling. I loved it.
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading. This is fiction, but most of this happened, just not at the same time. Regards, Bill
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Loved the snake story, Bill. Now King is another matter. Your grandpa sure miscalculated. I know he was trying to soften the blow to your grandma, but his joke sure wasn't funny. Well told. :) nancy
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Loved the snake story, Bill. Now King is another matter. Your grandpa sure miscalculated. I know he was trying to soften the blow to your grandma, but his joke sure wasn't funny. Well told. :) nancy
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Hi Nancy - of course, this is fiction, but based on real stuff. Actually, what Grandpa really said, "Well, I told her I'd break him from chasing cars." LOL Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bhogg, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where virge gets the snake and grandpa kills the dog by accident. i enjoyed reading this one..
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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this is very well written, bhogg, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where virge gets the snake and grandpa kills the dog by accident. i enjoyed reading this one..
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thank you for stopping by and for your kind feedback. Bill
Comment from Max Edon
I enjoyed reading this. It was so authentic and realistic. I loved the character of Rabbit. Virge is great, too. He is so warm and wonderful.
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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I enjoyed reading this. It was so authentic and realistic. I loved the character of Rabbit. Virge is great, too. He is so warm and wonderful.
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thanks Max - I appreciate you reading and your kind feedback. Bill
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You are welcome
Comment from Judy Couch
I loved this chapter. Of course, I like all of the chapters I've read. I like your ability to put a story together without a grammatical error in every other sentence. A lot of the stuff I've been reading on this website is written by people who need a course in basic English grammar. I love your sense of humor. I liked when you said: "That was just wrong." I thought it was funny. Your abilty to tell a story that is an attention grabber is amazing.
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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I loved this chapter. Of course, I like all of the chapters I've read. I like your ability to put a story together without a grammatical error in every other sentence. A lot of the stuff I've been reading on this website is written by people who need a course in basic English grammar. I love your sense of humor. I liked when you said: "That was just wrong." I thought it was funny. Your abilty to tell a story that is an attention grabber is amazing.
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thank you Judy - for reading, your generous feedback and a review that brought a smile my way. Bill
Comment from God's Writer
A grand story my friend. Your word pictures flowed like a movie. I really enjoy this in a story. I like seeing a person taking such pride in their work.
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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A grand story my friend. Your word pictures flowed like a movie. I really enjoy this in a story. I like seeing a person taking such pride in their work.
Comment Written 30-May-2013
reply by the author on 30-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading. This is a work of fiction, but all sorts of real history for me, so has been a lot of fun. Bill
