Comment from jppoet

Excellent

GOOD ONE, TOM, WELL RHYMED AND CRAFTED, REMINDS ME VERY MUCH OF MY "low-ku"


"THE SUN AT MY BACK,
BUT NO SHADOW DO I CAST.
HAS MY FUTURE PASSED?"

JOHN

 Comment Written 18-May-2013

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reply by the author on 18-May-2013

Thanks John. Yup,very similar and quite provocative.

Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart

Excellent

Oh mercy me, ya you need to get over the shock for sure. This is unique and clever in your format. I'm sure glad this one is fictional and not the real thing. God loves you and so do I.

 Comment Written 18-May-2013

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reply by the author on 18-May-2013

Thank you Evelyn. Me too!

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

What a clever little poem.
Sailing along just waking up and then-POW!-dead. And there they were -all that was left -those unused father's day slippers.
Well written and a very clever ending.
Nicely rhymed.
I really enjoyed it

 Comment Written 18-May-2013

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reply by the author on 18-May-2013

Thank you seken. I loved the enthusiasm of this review. You made me smile.

Comment from lexairu

Excellent

Loved this one,Tom. It was like an ordinary morning waking up from dreams, and starting with the day. I'm not a top-reviewer as I'm only starting, but I can say that this poem is unpredictable. Shrewd way of creating words leaving the readers in shock. (^_^)

Cheers

 Comment Written 16-May-2013

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reply by the author on 16-May-2013

Thank you lexairu. Gotcha! I happy that you enjoyed being snared in my web!

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Hi Tom,

This is shockingly creative - thought you did a great job on it and I never saw that ending coming. Well penned throughout I felt the emotion of early morning rising and enjoying that coffee before your ending pulled me from a warm morning slumber.Excellent post.

Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen

 Comment Written 14-May-2013

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reply by the author on 14-May-2013

Thank you Naureen. Gotgha! :-))

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Is it because we have gotten a little older that may cause us to think that way? Or is it simply stemming from the creative juices that allows you to write this with the ending as is?
Either way, Treischel, nicely done. John

 Comment Written 14-May-2013

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reply by the author on 14-May-2013

Thank you John. Hmm, methinks the former.

Comment from MixedBreedMaiya

Excellent

I love it! Honestly I don't think it's horror at all. It sounds like a rhyme you'd tell a child or something, but it's so well crafted. I have to point out an awkward inconsistency, though: You do go from present tense to past tense narration, so may want to just peek at that and see what you think. Over all, though, I love this a lot.

Maiya

 Comment Written 14-May-2013

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reply by the author on 14-May-2013

Thank you Maiya. I have a tendency surely to do that. I'll take another look at it.

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

You are perfectly right this is funny after the shock.
They say true words are spoken in a joke. this is what most of face book is about. who knowns what is true and what's not.
I don't have a face book page.

 Comment Written 14-May-2013

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reply by the author on 14-May-2013

Thanks Miss Cookie. Interesting. I find Facebook a good way to keep up with family.

reply by misscookie on 14-May-2013

Don't get me wrong I'm sure there are some good points to have it.
My children think I would enjoy.. It's enough I'm going crazy on this computer.LOL

Comment from NicciFaye

Excellent

Love it. The whole aspect of realizing your dead from a usual morning routine. Genius. Quite a muddled morning. Excellent and brillant.

 Comment Written 14-May-2013

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reply by the author on 14-May-2013

Thank you Nicci. You make me smile!

Comment from mikenbel

Excellent

This is humorous horror. Sounds like a spinoff of Beetlejuice. You could turn this into a movie. I like the alternating xaxaxa rhyming.

 Comment Written 13-May-2013

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reply by the author on 13-May-2013

Thanks mikenbel. I like that Beetlejuice reference. :-))