All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Wildest Rainbows"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
96 total reviews
Comment from Robin Gilmor
A lovely sonnet, true to form. Clear problem and clear resolution.
Your theme is interesting and real as all couples age and the renewal of love can be a major issue. An excellent write and an enjoyable read of an experienced writer. Smiles. Robin :)
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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A lovely sonnet, true to form. Clear problem and clear resolution.
Your theme is interesting and real as all couples age and the renewal of love can be a major issue. An excellent write and an enjoyable read of an experienced writer. Smiles. Robin :)
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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Bless you at least six times for your lovely sixer Robin! :)S
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:)
Comment from donaldww
You thought your world was a safe place. But then you awoke from your stupor, and it hit you between your peach chiffon eyes: the kids are gone and so has love. Keys to the Kingdom of Dupedom have vanished, they've run off with the thrill.
As a result, the hues of your once colourful paradise have faded, now the world is just a line drawing in India ink.
Very classic. Let's head out to sea and catch one last great marlin. I agree. Go and ride the wild rainbow for one last 'hurrah!'
And do so using enjambment whenever and whereever possible.
Cheers,
DW
You should check you author notes. Some nasty characters have take up residence in your quatrain descriptions.
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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You thought your world was a safe place. But then you awoke from your stupor, and it hit you between your peach chiffon eyes: the kids are gone and so has love. Keys to the Kingdom of Dupedom have vanished, they've run off with the thrill.
As a result, the hues of your once colourful paradise have faded, now the world is just a line drawing in India ink.
Very classic. Let's head out to sea and catch one last great marlin. I agree. Go and ride the wild rainbow for one last 'hurrah!'
And do so using enjambment whenever and whereever possible.
Cheers,
DW
You should check you author notes. Some nasty characters have take up residence in your quatrain descriptions.
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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yep - killed Evil Eddie once already but apparently the bugger died and rose again DW. Whacked him once & for all this time around. Ahi anyone?
:))))S
Comment from emjaihammond
I enjoyed reading this lovely poem. This is an interesting thought, as you speak of the children being gone and then the character begins to wonder if their love is also gone. Only to decide to fight for what they have. Beautiful art work adds to an already very good piece of work.
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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I enjoyed reading this lovely poem. This is an interesting thought, as you speak of the children being gone and then the character begins to wonder if their love is also gone. Only to decide to fight for what they have. Beautiful art work adds to an already very good piece of work.
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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thx so much MJ! :)Sharyn
Comment from EmberSnowcat
I think sometimes that is my biggest fear. When the children are grown and gone, will my husband and I still have something to talk about or find things to do? Then I realize we did it before the kids and we'll do it after too! This poem is beautiful. I'm still new to poetry, but I love that you help explain it in your notes. That makes it so much easier to not only understand but also appreciate what you are trying to do with your artful words! Great job!
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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I think sometimes that is my biggest fear. When the children are grown and gone, will my husband and I still have something to talk about or find things to do? Then I realize we did it before the kids and we'll do it after too! This poem is beautiful. I'm still new to poetry, but I love that you help explain it in your notes. That makes it so much easier to not only understand but also appreciate what you are trying to do with your artful words! Great job!
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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so glad you enjoyed ES - I figured everyone's here to learn, and I know I always appreciate author notes. So glad you vibed with this one.
blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from rama devi
Wow, dear Sharyn, this is fine sonnet! Great imagery. tone. theme and compositional style with a strong volta and good conclusion.
On the technical side, what impressive enjambment in this finely composed sonnet with flawless meter, superb flow and pacing and great rhymes...love chiffon/upon. Breath and death is a cliche rhyme pair but works so well as the closing couplet one does not notice it on first read. Bravo. That's not easy to do!
My favorite phrasing and imagery is:
colors wild as height of sky, with senses more than five,
and every love's dimension so beguiled
So nicely expressed!
Phonetically, this is enriched by subtle alliteration and other phonetics. Nice! Love the internal echo-rhyme of GONE in third stanza, a nice rekindling of sound after the chiffon?upon rhymes.
Sounds great read aloud.
The content is emotionally rich as well.
Kudos!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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Wow, dear Sharyn, this is fine sonnet! Great imagery. tone. theme and compositional style with a strong volta and good conclusion.
On the technical side, what impressive enjambment in this finely composed sonnet with flawless meter, superb flow and pacing and great rhymes...love chiffon/upon. Breath and death is a cliche rhyme pair but works so well as the closing couplet one does not notice it on first read. Bravo. That's not easy to do!
My favorite phrasing and imagery is:
colors wild as height of sky, with senses more than five,
and every love's dimension so beguiled
So nicely expressed!
Phonetically, this is enriched by subtle alliteration and other phonetics. Nice! Love the internal echo-rhyme of GONE in third stanza, a nice rekindling of sound after the chiffon?upon rhymes.
Sounds great read aloud.
The content is emotionally rich as well.
Kudos!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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yes, I agonized for a while over breath & death, but Willy's always looking over my shoulder saying "why the hell not?" A SIXER for rd??? COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! and much appreciated, as always, rd! :)Sharyn
Comment from Taffspride
It is annoying that I still cannot give this the rating it deserves. A six.
The last quatrain is my favorite, since it delivers such a profound message. Having said that, the entire sonnet is so full of imagery, full of color and of life. It was hard to find any phrase that was better than another.
It reads so beautifully aloud, something I have done several times.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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It is annoying that I still cannot give this the rating it deserves. A six.
The last quatrain is my favorite, since it delivers such a profound message. Having said that, the entire sonnet is so full of imagery, full of color and of life. It was hard to find any phrase that was better than another.
It reads so beautifully aloud, something I have done several times.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, Ann - and a huge 'mahalo' for your extra six wish!
blessings,
Sharyn
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****** :)
Comment from Dustybones
I read this and find myself slipping into a pattern type of rhythm as in a even flow. I think it is called iambic parameter. I suppose you meant this to be a comeback to what you perceive as non harmonious period.
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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I read this and find myself slipping into a pattern type of rhythm as in a even flow. I think it is called iambic parameter. I suppose you meant this to be a comeback to what you perceive as non harmonious period.
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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very perceptive of you DB! :))Sharyn
Comment from dmt1967
This is a great poem my friend I enjoy reading your work I am in the same contest so this poem has given me a idea of what a sonnet is thank you for that good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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This is a great poem my friend I enjoy reading your work I am in the same contest so this poem has given me a idea of what a sonnet is thank you for that good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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oh bless you Janet, as always! :)Sharyn
Comment from misscookie
Wow! c
This was a great poem to read on how as time passes us by how our life and motion change yet we can always find in our hearts to keep the love fire high in flames,
Thank you for explaining how to write in this form maybe one day I will find the nerve to give it a try.
thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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Wow! c
This was a great poem to read on how as time passes us by how our life and motion change yet we can always find in our hearts to keep the love fire high in flames,
Thank you for explaining how to write in this form maybe one day I will find the nerve to give it a try.
thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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you go for it Misscookie! thx so much dear!
:)Sharyn
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,,,,,,you're very welcome, and I will soon.
Comment from dragonpoet
This sonnet tells of love that is doubted because life has changed so much that the narrator feels the love has change or been lost. This probably happens after a long marriage when you become emptynesters and only have each other again. Maybe this is the time to start anew. God back the the beginning.
The picture shows the beginning when two beings are two against a beautiful world. It also mirrors the description of the sky in stanza two.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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This sonnet tells of love that is doubted because life has changed so much that the narrator feels the love has change or been lost. This probably happens after a long marriage when you become emptynesters and only have each other again. Maybe this is the time to start anew. God back the the beginning.
The picture shows the beginning when two beings are two against a beautiful world. It also mirrors the description of the sky in stanza two.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 05-May-2013
reply by the author on 05-May-2013
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Bless you dp! Thx so much for reading & reviewing!
Best wishes
Sharyn
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You are so very welcome, Sharyn.
Joan
