Senryu (woman in wheelchair)
senryu18 total reviews
Comment from JM daSilva
This is really bad. Treating someone differently just because they can't use their legs. I mean, the legs are important, but the person is as intelligent as ever if they have problems with them. You prove it.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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This is really bad. Treating someone differently just because they can't use their legs. I mean, the legs are important, but the person is as intelligent as ever if they have problems with them. You prove it.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thank you so vry much~Debbie
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Welcome.
Comment from RodG
This Senryu satisfies the basic requirements perfectly. It also paints a very moving picture of someone (we don't need to know gender or exact age) in a wheelchair trying to do business at a bank in a normal way. The word "reduced" says so much about the status of the person. The word has so many connotations and the reader is asked to consider them all. As a result, your poem is both poignant and powerful. RodG
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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This Senryu satisfies the basic requirements perfectly. It also paints a very moving picture of someone (we don't need to know gender or exact age) in a wheelchair trying to do business at a bank in a normal way. The word "reduced" says so much about the status of the person. The word has so many connotations and the reader is asked to consider them all. As a result, your poem is both poignant and powerful. RodG
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I am writing a series of woman in a wheelchair senryus. Thank you s much for your kind and thoughtful review~Debbie
Comment from country ranch writer
WHEN YOU WERE FIVE GROWING UP GOING TO THE BANK WAS FEELING LIKE A BABY BECAUSE EVERYONE BEHIND THE COUNTER HAD TO LOOK DOWN TO TALK TO YOU. SO BEING IN A WHEEL CHAIR IS JUST AS EMBARRASING
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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WHEN YOU WERE FIVE GROWING UP GOING TO THE BANK WAS FEELING LIKE A BABY BECAUSE EVERYONE BEHIND THE COUNTER HAD TO LOOK DOWN TO TALK TO YOU. SO BEING IN A WHEEL CHAIR IS JUST AS EMBARRASING
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Exactly--thank you for understanding~Debbie
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you are so welcome
Comment from Leineco
as a woman of demure stature (4'10") I must say I related to this....though for me it is the deli counter at the grocery store. I can almost imagine how much worse it would minus another foot or so :-( Nice senryu
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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as a woman of demure stature (4'10") I must say I related to this....though for me it is the deli counter at the grocery store. I can almost imagine how much worse it would minus another foot or so :-( Nice senryu
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thank you~Debbie
Comment from purrfect tale
I never thought about how simple, every day things like this could make someone in a wheelchair feel. You short poem has opened my eyes.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I never thought about how simple, every day things like this could make someone in a wheelchair feel. You short poem has opened my eyes.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thank you~Debbie
Comment from adewpearl
you create a strong visual through your concrete imagery in this well-composed senryu
effective social commentary as you observe how architecture in public places is not designed to meet the needs of those in wheelchairs
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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you create a strong visual through your concrete imagery in this well-composed senryu
effective social commentary as you observe how architecture in public places is not designed to meet the needs of those in wheelchairs
Brooke
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, Brooke. You are so right~Debbie
Comment from Galactia
woman in wheelchair
at bank countertop reduced
to five years old
very sad senryu but certainly a senryu. great job, when we all get old, we start slowing down, and our mouths can't keep up with our minds.
Great job
regards
Tia
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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woman in wheelchair
at bank countertop reduced
to five years old
very sad senryu but certainly a senryu. great job, when we all get old, we start slowing down, and our mouths can't keep up with our minds.
Great job
regards
Tia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thank you~Debbie
Comment from arsinBW
This poem kind of assumes. Is she feeling 5 years old because of herself or because people are looking at her differently? Needs more.
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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This poem kind of assumes. Is she feeling 5 years old because of herself or because people are looking at her differently? Needs more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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That is for the reader to interpret. Senryu allow only 17 syllables, so I don't think I could include that? dEBBIE
