Family
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Running Away"Personal poems
17 total reviews
Comment from lexairu
I love this. The style is like you're telling a story. What do you call this type of poem? This reminds me of my siblings and our childhood. It just brings you back to your innocence and curiosity as a child. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2013
  |
I love this. The style is like you're telling a story. What do you call this type of poem? This reminds me of my siblings and our childhood. It just brings you back to your innocence and curiosity as a child. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2013
-
Hi lexairu. This style is known as Quatrains. The rhyme scheme is abcb, which only rhymes on every other line (line 2 and 4). It is very flexible this way, and good for telling stories.
-
Thanks for that info.
Comment from lakeport
Running away, indeed that must have been an adventure,but they didn't know that it was dangerous, but it had an happy ending, I enjoyed reading the story.God bless you.Lakeport.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
 |
Running away, indeed that must have been an adventure,but they didn't know that it was dangerous, but it had an happy ending, I enjoyed reading the story.God bless you.Lakeport.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my childish adventure.
-
your welcome.Lakeport.
Comment from Lady Bev
I agree, the story is more important than tempo and syllable count.
But now I find that I cannot submit a rating unless I write more! I'll say: Well done! I bet you can take the story concept and apply it to a short story, if you wanted to. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
 |
I agree, the story is more important than tempo and syllable count.
But now I find that I cannot submit a rating unless I write more! I'll say: Well done! I bet you can take the story concept and apply it to a short story, if you wanted to. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
Thank you Lady Bev. That is a good thought and may be in the offing.
Comment from country ranch writer
So glad you were not hurt on your adventure and that your folks found you all in time.Parents never think a child could work out a game plan to run away. Surprising you all thought to bring food and a bat for protection. Bet you were not planning another for quite awhile.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
So glad you were not hurt on your adventure and that your folks found you all in time.Parents never think a child could work out a game plan to run away. Surprising you all thought to bring food and a bat for protection. Bet you were not planning another for quite awhile.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
Thanks country. Nope, that was the first and last of plans like that.
-
glad your mom didn't need the worry
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, treischel, you did an excellent job writing this poem about running away with your brothers and what you did along the way. i enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
|
this is very well written, treischel, you did an excellent job writing this poem about running away with your brothers and what you did along the way. i enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
-
Thank you sweetwoodjax jax. I enjoyed writing that childhood memory.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a delightful story I love the three boys seeking their adventure with nothing but 3 sandwiches lol very nice picture thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
|
This is a delightful story I love the three boys seeking their adventure with nothing but 3 sandwiches lol very nice picture thank you for sharing
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
-
Thanks dmt.
Comment from adewpearl
good use of abcb rhyming in your story poem
good use of enjambment to keep the story flowing
I love the warm humor in running away, fully prepared with three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the pet toad LOL
good alliteration in panicked parents
I'm glad it all worked out in the end LOL :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
|
good use of abcb rhyming in your story poem
good use of enjambment to keep the story flowing
I love the warm humor in running away, fully prepared with three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the pet toad LOL
good alliteration in panicked parents
I'm glad it all worked out in the end LOL :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
-
Thank you Brooke for that warmhearted review. Tom.
Comment from Amenian Aypotheeno
Now this is a lovable and mischievous tale! The three rapscallions off out for adventure!!! Who needs parents, they'll only get in the way of the fun and make a mess of the journey! There bold and daring souls to pit their wits and strength again the outside world... great story telling and with a real rogue element about it! PB&J for me would be Peanut Butter and Jam... but then I think Jelly is jam in the states??? While Jello is what we call Jelly in the UK lol :) Really enjoyed reading this one.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
|
Now this is a lovable and mischievous tale! The three rapscallions off out for adventure!!! Who needs parents, they'll only get in the way of the fun and make a mess of the journey! There bold and daring souls to pit their wits and strength again the outside world... great story telling and with a real rogue element about it! PB&J for me would be Peanut Butter and Jam... but then I think Jelly is jam in the states??? While Jello is what we call Jelly in the UK lol :) Really enjoyed reading this one.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
-
Thanks Amenian, yes, very interesting. Jam is jelly in the Sates. Jello is just Jello or Gelatin. Nice to have an International dialog.
Comment from Joannforsberg
Great poem in a story form. It is something everyone can relate to as we all at one time or another said we were running away. Love the toad you found and tossed in with Joe. Enjoyed this! Jo
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
|
Great poem in a story form. It is something everyone can relate to as we all at one time or another said we were running away. Love the toad you found and tossed in with Joe. Enjoyed this! Jo
Comment Written 05-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
-
Thank you Jo. Glad to give you something to smile about. Tom
Comment from robina1978
Immediately when I read the first stanza I thought it was autobiographical. It is a lovely story. It rhymes and might not have meter but mostly flows well.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
|
Immediately when I read the first stanza I thought it was autobiographical. It is a lovely story. It rhymes and might not have meter but mostly flows well.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2013
-
Thanks robina. Glad you enjoyed our little adventure.
-
welcome and yes I did, Ine
