Blood Covenant
Resurrected love has soul wrenching consequences27 total reviews
Comment from Norbanus
A fascinating story with well structured dialogue and narration.
Here are a couple of spots to check:
She hated their wining, (whining)
"Ha ha ha ha," she guffawed loudly.(delete loudly, gaffaw is loudly.)
He picked Mildred up off the floor and dashed up the staircase, with a puzzled and bewildered Mildred right on his heels.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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A fascinating story with well structured dialogue and narration.
Here are a couple of spots to check:
She hated their wining, (whining)
"Ha ha ha ha," she guffawed loudly.(delete loudly, gaffaw is loudly.)
He picked Mildred up off the floor and dashed up the staircase, with a puzzled and bewildered Mildred right on his heels.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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I thought I said that Ok I'll check it. Thanks.
Comment from barkingdog
Hello amahra. Long time no see. (I love your new picture. Great hat, lovely smile.)
I read straight through this. Who could stop in the middle? LOL
You kept me interested from start to finish. Great dialogue and highly descriptive. You brought horror to the page.
Your poetry background shows in the wonderful rhythm and easy flow of your story.
Good job. :) ellen
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Hello amahra. Long time no see. (I love your new picture. Great hat, lovely smile.)
I read straight through this. Who could stop in the middle? LOL
You kept me interested from start to finish. Great dialogue and highly descriptive. You brought horror to the page.
Your poetry background shows in the wonderful rhythm and easy flow of your story.
Good job. :) ellen
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thank you so much my dear.
Comment from mikenbel
This is a great write! By the way - I really like your profile picture. A few suggestions... P - paragraph; L - line; spelling/word changes in CAPITAL
P1/L4 Semi-colon instead of colon
P1/L5 Comma after "five"; comma after "seven"
P5/L4 Replace "called the name of" with "told her"
P13 "confidently" instead of "strongly"
P14/L2 "briar" instead of "briers"
P16/L2 "up tomorrow at noon" instead of "at tomorrow's mid-day"
P17/L3 "said" instead of "spoken"
P18/L2 "guests" instead of "guest"
P18/L3 "encased" instead of "incased"; "onto" instead of "unto"
P18/L5 "ask" instead of "asked"
P20/L5 Comma between "loud" and "rapid"
P23 Comma after "No"; "drunk AS IS" instead of "drunk as it tis"
P29/L1 "is" instead of "tis"
P35/L2 I believe there is a word missing after "highly"
P40 No "a" between "couple" and "dozen"
P56 No quotes at the beginning
P58 No quotes at the beginning
P66 Comma after the second "No"
P70/L2 "accelerator" instead of "exhilerator"
P74/L2 "IN CASE" instead of "incase"; "panic" instead of "panicked"
P86 Question mark instead of period at the end
P87 Comma after "Goodbye" and "dear"
P90/L2 Hyphen between "half" and "eaten"
P90/L3 Comma after "chaos"
P92/L2 "lay" instead of "laid"
P94/L2 Quotes after the first "Lisa!"
P95/L4 Comma between "Okay" and "Mom"
P96/L2 "begAn" instead of "begin"
P96/L5 Quotes around "I could barely move it myself"
P99/L4 "leap" instead of "lead"
P102 Quotes after "ME!"; "Mildred'S" instead of "Mildred"
P103/L1 "open" instead of "opened"
P104/L2 "wideneD" instead of "widen"
P104/L4 "meTal" instead of "medal"
P106/L4 Hyphen between "red" and "clawed"
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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This is a great write! By the way - I really like your profile picture. A few suggestions... P - paragraph; L - line; spelling/word changes in CAPITAL
P1/L4 Semi-colon instead of colon
P1/L5 Comma after "five"; comma after "seven"
P5/L4 Replace "called the name of" with "told her"
P13 "confidently" instead of "strongly"
P14/L2 "briar" instead of "briers"
P16/L2 "up tomorrow at noon" instead of "at tomorrow's mid-day"
P17/L3 "said" instead of "spoken"
P18/L2 "guests" instead of "guest"
P18/L3 "encased" instead of "incased"; "onto" instead of "unto"
P18/L5 "ask" instead of "asked"
P20/L5 Comma between "loud" and "rapid"
P23 Comma after "No"; "drunk AS IS" instead of "drunk as it tis"
P29/L1 "is" instead of "tis"
P35/L2 I believe there is a word missing after "highly"
P40 No "a" between "couple" and "dozen"
P56 No quotes at the beginning
P58 No quotes at the beginning
P66 Comma after the second "No"
P70/L2 "accelerator" instead of "exhilerator"
P74/L2 "IN CASE" instead of "incase"; "panic" instead of "panicked"
P86 Question mark instead of period at the end
P87 Comma after "Goodbye" and "dear"
P90/L2 Hyphen between "half" and "eaten"
P90/L3 Comma after "chaos"
P92/L2 "lay" instead of "laid"
P94/L2 Quotes after the first "Lisa!"
P95/L4 Comma between "Okay" and "Mom"
P96/L2 "begAn" instead of "begin"
P96/L5 Quotes around "I could barely move it myself"
P99/L4 "leap" instead of "lead"
P102 Quotes after "ME!"; "Mildred'S" instead of "Mildred"
P103/L1 "open" instead of "opened"
P104/L2 "wideneD" instead of "widen"
P104/L4 "meTal" instead of "medal"
P106/L4 Hyphen between "red" and "clawed"
Comment Written 29-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Wow! You are amazing. You're the kind of writers I love to meet on here. I can't believe you took the time and went over my work like that. Thank you soooo much. I did not deserve a five star. I think I love you ....LOL I changed everything but four things and some were dialogue. Your characters have the right to speak poor English. But I did change the other 102 mistakes... LOL!
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I didn't count mistakes...and yes, everyone suffers from poor English use... :-) Thank you for the reviewer contest vote. I am honored! I am going back and upping it to six. The story was GREAT! And not just because I saw my own name in there...although she was a bad one. :-)
Belinda
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You know, do you remember "Tales from the Dark Side"? This would be great converted to a script!
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Oh my God! Thank you. You did not have to do that. I am so honored.
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Like I said, the content was outstanding...and otherwise, you know what you want on the page...your fingers may just not be following orders like you would expect.
Comment from chasennov
'Blood Covenant.' A very, very good story told and so well written also...'raised veins, any junky would have considered it a treasure chest.' Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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'Blood Covenant.' A very, very good story told and so well written also...'raised veins, any junky would have considered it a treasure chest.' Well done.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2013
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Thank you. I was hoping someone liked that. Smile.
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My pleasure entirley.
Comment from country ranch writer
IT GOES TO SHOW BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR FOR YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT AND IT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND CANNOT GET RID OF IT OR THE SITUATION IT HAS PUT YOU IN FOR EVER ACTION THERE IS A REACTION AND IT CAN BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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IT GOES TO SHOW BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR FOR YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT AND IT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND CANNOT GET RID OF IT OR THE SITUATION IT HAS PUT YOU IN FOR EVER ACTION THERE IS A REACTION AND IT CAN BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE
Comment Written 28-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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Thank you ranch for your review.
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welcome
Comment from c_lucas
When one comes into contest with a demon,all heat is evaporated.I notice you had problems at the beginning to keep the names corrected and numerous errors. I left them alone. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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When one comes into contest with a demon,all heat is evaporated.I notice you had problems at the beginning to keep the names corrected and numerous errors. I left them alone. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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I wish you had pointed them out. But thanks for reading.
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While I was reading this, I kept having weird feelings. Sorry I wasn't much help.
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Yeah, I do too and I wrote it. But a Holy man comes at the end saves them. Sorry it made you uncomfortable. It means you're a good person.
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I am very sensitive to negativity. You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie
Comment from jht1414
Your story was an interesting combination. I thought it was well written, and I liked the ending, but the subject matter...with all the urine...just kind of weirded me out a little bit. It was still a great story though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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Your story was an interesting combination. I thought it was well written, and I liked the ending, but the subject matter...with all the urine...just kind of weirded me out a little bit. It was still a great story though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2013
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Thank you for the review. I remember family stories when I was small about people in some parts of the south who used women's urine and menstrual blood for Voo Doo curses. So I played on that.
