All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Sugared Stars"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
105 total reviews
Comment from isurp
This was a very fun read for a love poem. I usually avoid them like the plague. I really liked how you created a bit of anticipation with "she knows he's watching" and "he knows she's waiting". Plus all the ice cream talk made this deliciously delightful. - Steve
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This was a very fun read for a love poem. I usually avoid them like the plague. I really liked how you created a bit of anticipation with "she knows he's watching" and "he knows she's waiting". Plus all the ice cream talk made this deliciously delightful. - Steve
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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I hate mushy love poems, too, Steve - but ... I don't mind a SLURPY one if it involves chocolate! :))Sharyn
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Agreed! :)
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This was a gorgeous poem. Teasing and tantalizing with magnificent S alliterations throughout. Beautiful imagery created for your reader. A very entertaining story being told here. So wish that I had a six to give you for this one .... it is just great! Fave line "she knows he's watching".
Well done ~ Sharyn
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This was a gorgeous poem. Teasing and tantalizing with magnificent S alliterations throughout. Beautiful imagery created for your reader. A very entertaining story being told here. So wish that I had a six to give you for this one .... it is just great! Fave line "she knows he's watching".
Well done ~ Sharyn
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Bless you Connie - glad you enjoyed the little tease and the touch of chocolate! :)S
Comment from emjaihammond
This is a very nice writing. It captures the imagination completely from beginning to the end. Very sweet, romantic setting. I liked it very much.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This is a very nice writing. It captures the imagination completely from beginning to the end. Very sweet, romantic setting. I liked it very much.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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thank you so much emjai!! :)S
Comment from Deborah Marie
Lovely poem, photo choice and color scheme. Clever descriptive wording for impressive imagery. And, nice progression, rhythm and flow for excellent read. Good luck in the contest, Deb
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Lovely poem, photo choice and color scheme. Clever descriptive wording for impressive imagery. And, nice progression, rhythm and flow for excellent read. Good luck in the contest, Deb
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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bless you Deb - thank you so much! :)Sharyn
Comment from GWinterwin
Oh yes this is a sexy one. Very true that summertime is the time for love. I still remember those days of sunshine ice cream and how beautiful and sweet my love was and still is as a matter of fact. Great flow of words tell your story here that bring back many good memories. This is a great writing.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Oh yes this is a sexy one. Very true that summertime is the time for love. I still remember those days of sunshine ice cream and how beautiful and sweet my love was and still is as a matter of fact. Great flow of words tell your story here that bring back many good memories. This is a great writing.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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thx so much GW - glad you enjoyed some naughty chocolate drips! :)S
Comment from Robert Lee Brown
WOW! This is a great write that stimulates the mind of memories, senses and emotions. With well chosen words, alliterations and other poetic devices, you pull the reader in to the experiences being described. Thanks for sharing. Your admirer, Bob
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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WOW! This is a great write that stimulates the mind of memories, senses and emotions. With well chosen words, alliterations and other poetic devices, you pull the reader in to the experiences being described. Thanks for sharing. Your admirer, Bob
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Aren't you a sweetie! thank you so much bob - can you tell I'm feel chocolate deprived today? Bless you for your lovely six on this one my dear - so much appreciated!
:)Sharyn
Comment from ravenblack
no pun intended ( well, maybe)- a sweet love poem smouldering w/sensuality. love how everything, even the gulls with nested heads tucked warm beneath their wings leads to " the first sugared stars showering the dark". oh, to live in a universe of chocolate sprinkles
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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no pun intended ( well, maybe)- a sweet love poem smouldering w/sensuality. love how everything, even the gulls with nested heads tucked warm beneath their wings leads to " the first sugared stars showering the dark". oh, to live in a universe of chocolate sprinkles
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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haw haw haw :) :) :)
Comment from adewpearl
lovely alliteration in silver smooth by sea and salt
I love the assonance in drips/skips/kisses
great sensory detail with strong appeal to the senses
nice alliteration in burnished beach
good consonance of L sound in slides a little closer
love the hyphenate in double-dappled
great closing - this is delightfully exuberant and cheery and smile inducing :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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lovely alliteration in silver smooth by sea and salt
I love the assonance in drips/skips/kisses
great sensory detail with strong appeal to the senses
nice alliteration in burnished beach
good consonance of L sound in slides a little closer
love the hyphenate in double-dappled
great closing - this is delightfully exuberant and cheery and smile inducing :-) Brooke
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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thx so much Brooke! :)Sharyn
Comment from words
You brought back delicious memories with this one.
Love your ending lines:he'll hold out his arm
and she'll offer him
chocolate double-dappled kisses
sweet lips, and
the first sugared stars
showering the dark of
summer's
lambent
loving
There is nothing like those first innocent kisses.
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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You brought back delicious memories with this one.
Love your ending lines:he'll hold out his arm
and she'll offer him
chocolate double-dappled kisses
sweet lips, and
the first sugared stars
showering the dark of
summer's
lambent
loving
There is nothing like those first innocent kisses.
Hugs, d
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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thx d! :))S
Comment from Titanx9
This one's so smooth and seamless. I like the almost run-on descriptions of chocolate ice cream drips, kisses and sugar cones. Overall, it's am an exceptional piece of writing. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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This one's so smooth and seamless. I like the almost run-on descriptions of chocolate ice cream drips, kisses and sugar cones. Overall, it's am an exceptional piece of writing. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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thx Dossie! :)S
