All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Sugared Stars"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
105 total reviews
Comment from steevie
I couldn't decide whether to go and buy an ice cream cone or write this review first. Well done, Sharyn ...you succeeded in whetting my appetite for a delicious desserts.
I say though that any time of season is for lovers, not just summer.
steve
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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I couldn't decide whether to go and buy an ice cream cone or write this review first. Well done, Sharyn ...you succeeded in whetting my appetite for a delicious desserts.
I say though that any time of season is for lovers, not just summer.
steve
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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thx so much Steve! now go grab some chocolate ice-cream dear! :)S
Reading your poetry IS my dessert, Sharyn!!
have a great weekend, my friend
steve
hugs
Comment from A TARNISHED KNIGHT
Ah My dear visionary lady you do like that ice cream ... very sensuous way you describe its melting seems you might have melted a cone or two your self hehehe this was very good enjoyed it immensely
TK
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Ah My dear visionary lady you do like that ice cream ... very sensuous way you describe its melting seems you might have melted a cone or two your self hehehe this was very good enjoyed it immensely
TK
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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based on experience methinks TK??? :)S
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there sweet Sharyn.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful love poem with me (I felt it was just for me it was so expressive.) I loved the artwork, it fits so well. A nice look at their love
Bear
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Hey there sweet Sharyn.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful love poem with me (I felt it was just for me it was so expressive.) I loved the artwork, it fits so well. A nice look at their love
Bear
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Of COURSE it's just for you Glen - you're the ONLY other one in the world who likes chocolate ice-cream, right?? :)))Sharyn
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Sharon,
What a "sweet" poem. I liked those little chunks of consonence, like finding little chocolate chunks in your poem. I have a song from my first album called "Wicked" which starts:
"You know my eyes are wicked
They want everything they see
I'd steal a lick
Off your ice cream cone
Sitting under a shady tree":)
I enjoyed your poem very much--Ted
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Dear Sharon,
What a "sweet" poem. I liked those little chunks of consonence, like finding little chocolate chunks in your poem. I have a song from my first album called "Wicked" which starts:
"You know my eyes are wicked
They want everything they see
I'd steal a lick
Off your ice cream cone
Sitting under a shady tree":)
I enjoyed your poem very much--Ted
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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aaah like minds in the chocolate ice-cream department I can see Ted! Thanks so much my dear! :)S
Comment from rama devi
Delightfully sensual and descriptive, dear Sharyn.
Love the bouncy beat and fine alliteration, etc. Especially on S and B in the first few lines. Outstanding proximal rhymes scattered everywhere...superb assonance of I as well:
sitting on the bench worn silver smooth
by salt 'n sea 'n breezy ocean blues,
he watches her,
as chocolate ice cream drips
in little skips 'n kisses
down the sugar cone,
across her lips 'n
just a little sticky,
lingers tripping on her fingers
but she doesn't mind at all
for she licks them, one by one
softly smiling, teasing
in the last peach
of burnished beach
sunset afternoon ...
Excellent prelude building a crescendo of scene and emotional setting that leads to this dramatic pause and insight:
she knows
he's watching
he knows
she's waiting
he slides
a little closer
Nice return to setting-
as gulls cry high
and glide down
to the shadowed sands of evening, seeking rest,
nested heads tucked warm beneath their wings
Love the last two lines with superb descriptive phrasing and alliteration of S and W.
Love this...
the first sugared stars
showering the dark of
summer's
lambent
loving
Sugared stars---superbly original and effective title and closing imagery...
Nice alliterative flair everywhere, and in the closing lambent loving too.
Enjoyed! And usually I do not get drawn in to romantic poems, so the fact that this made me not only see the scene but feel it, too, plus the creative musicality and cleverness in crafting, leads me to award that rare six... Kudos!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
 |
Delightfully sensual and descriptive, dear Sharyn.
Love the bouncy beat and fine alliteration, etc. Especially on S and B in the first few lines. Outstanding proximal rhymes scattered everywhere...superb assonance of I as well:
sitting on the bench worn silver smooth
by salt 'n sea 'n breezy ocean blues,
he watches her,
as chocolate ice cream drips
in little skips 'n kisses
down the sugar cone,
across her lips 'n
just a little sticky,
lingers tripping on her fingers
but she doesn't mind at all
for she licks them, one by one
softly smiling, teasing
in the last peach
of burnished beach
sunset afternoon ...
Excellent prelude building a crescendo of scene and emotional setting that leads to this dramatic pause and insight:
she knows
he's watching
he knows
she's waiting
he slides
a little closer
Nice return to setting-
as gulls cry high
and glide down
to the shadowed sands of evening, seeking rest,
nested heads tucked warm beneath their wings
Love the last two lines with superb descriptive phrasing and alliteration of S and W.
Love this...
the first sugared stars
showering the dark of
summer's
lambent
loving
Sugared stars---superbly original and effective title and closing imagery...
Nice alliterative flair everywhere, and in the closing lambent loving too.
Enjoyed! And usually I do not get drawn in to romantic poems, so the fact that this made me not only see the scene but feel it, too, plus the creative musicality and cleverness in crafting, leads me to award that rare six... Kudos!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Whho-hoooooooooooo! one of those rarities, an "r.d. SIX"! YEAH! tnx so much rd! :))S
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Hee hee! :) wheeeee!
Comment from hifein
this is a beautifully constructed poem. i loved the free verse and the way you integrated the internal rhyme and the flow from one line into the next. it reads smoothly and interestingly as a mini romantic tale portending 'lambent loving'. lots of great alliteration and assonance (skips and kisses, gulls glide, shadowed sands). it is clear that every word was carefully selected. presentation enhanced poetry. worthy of a six.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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this is a beautifully constructed poem. i loved the free verse and the way you integrated the internal rhyme and the flow from one line into the next. it reads smoothly and interestingly as a mini romantic tale portending 'lambent loving'. lots of great alliteration and assonance (skips and kisses, gulls glide, shadowed sands). it is clear that every word was carefully selected. presentation enhanced poetry. worthy of a six.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Bless you so much for your lovely six on this one my dear - I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for noticing all my little details - I always appreciate such attentive reading.
Blessings
Sharyn
Comment from gazzagodbod
love this the vision of the drops of ice cream dripping down the cone so vivid a wonderful piece my friend loved it xxgazzaxx
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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love this the vision of the drops of ice cream dripping down the cone so vivid a wonderful piece my friend loved it xxgazzaxx
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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thx so much gazza! :)S
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
This is very 'sweet' and a well done poem. The picture makes me think of my Huntington Beach in CA and the pier we spent so much time on. Makes me homesick. Anyway very well done and fun.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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This is very 'sweet' and a well done poem. The picture makes me think of my Huntington Beach in CA and the pier we spent so much time on. Makes me homesick. Anyway very well done and fun.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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thx so much Roxanna! :)S
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is a beautiful beach romance and I loved your wording well done for arranging the lines so beautifully - most enjoyable and an interesting shape. Giddy
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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This is a beautiful beach romance and I loved your wording well done for arranging the lines so beautifully - most enjoyable and an interesting shape. Giddy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Bless you, Giddy, big-time for your wonderful six on this one! I haven't seen you posting much lately? (though I saw a pic of the 3 Sisters this morning with your name on it ... must go take a peek!)
lovely to hear from you and again, a huge thank you for that special six my dear!
:)Sharyn
Comment from amahra
Very nice and refreshing. A very unique style of writing romance. Very vivid and teasingly romantic. Loved the couple on the bench.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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Very nice and refreshing. A very unique style of writing romance. Very vivid and teasingly romantic. Loved the couple on the bench.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2013
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aaah, thank you my dear! :)Sharyn
