All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 81 "Nature's Dancing, Just For Me"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
11 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
I feel that you used the Kyrielle form beautifully.
I love the theme of your poem and your repeated line is lovely.
I enjoy how you try to encourage your companion to enjoy nature dancing at the beginning of the poem, but by the end, you're just like - fine, don't appreciate the beauty, but be quiet and don't spoil my enjoyment.
Really good! All the best in the contest :) Debra
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2013
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I feel that you used the Kyrielle form beautifully.
I love the theme of your poem and your repeated line is lovely.
I enjoy how you try to encourage your companion to enjoy nature dancing at the beginning of the poem, but by the end, you're just like - fine, don't appreciate the beauty, but be quiet and don't spoil my enjoyment.
Really good! All the best in the contest :) Debra
Comment Written 21-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much for your close attention to theme of this one Debra - so much appreciated!
Comment from Treischel
A very cute and joyous poem. A very upbeat Kyrielle style poem. I marked you down because I thought not rhyming every line makes the style less effective. Yes, I know the prompt says any rhyme scheme. I just think the others are so much better with a more completed scheme. Its not what one expects for rhyming quatrains.
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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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A very cute and joyous poem. A very upbeat Kyrielle style poem. I marked you down because I thought not rhyming every line makes the style less effective. Yes, I know the prompt says any rhyme scheme. I just think the others are so much better with a more completed scheme. Its not what one expects for rhyming quatrains.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Well, Treischel, I'm unimpressed by your logic, particularly as the PROMPT specifies that any rhyme scheme can be used!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a lovely, skillfully-written poem that sings the praises of nature which, at the monent, seems to exist just for the speaker. The killjoy (person addressed) doesn't realize nature would dance just for him/her if allowed to do so!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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This is a lovely, skillfully-written poem that sings the praises of nature which, at the monent, seems to exist just for the speaker. The killjoy (person addressed) doesn't realize nature would dance just for him/her if allowed to do so!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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you've got the message nicely Janice - thank you my dear!
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of abcb rhyming
nice alliteration in phrases like sunrise, sunset
and rainbows riot
you create a wonderfully exuberant, celebratory tone
good alliteration and assonance of long E sounds in breathe with breezes
this reads really well out loud
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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excellent use of abcb rhyming
nice alliteration in phrases like sunrise, sunset
and rainbows riot
you create a wonderfully exuberant, celebratory tone
good alliteration and assonance of long E sounds in breathe with breezes
this reads really well out loud
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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thanks so much Brooke - I'm rather into kyrielles this week!
Comment from Leineco
nice job :-) The repeating line is great! Every time I see challenges for Kyrielles I think "what phrase would be worth repeating 4-5 times and not be boring by the third time?" You have answered the question for me for what might be the first and only time!! So much so that I actually looked forward to seeing it appear again! I can't give any higher praise than that :-)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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nice job :-) The repeating line is great! Every time I see challenges for Kyrielles I think "what phrase would be worth repeating 4-5 times and not be boring by the third time?" You have answered the question for me for what might be the first and only time!! So much so that I actually looked forward to seeing it appear again! I can't give any higher praise than that :-)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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oh good! glad you liked it! The secret is in coming up with that one line FIRST and writing the piece around that one line. bless you for your lovely review!
Comment from words
Oh, I do love this one.
I know exactly what you are talking about here.
Love your ending:You will not destroy my pleasure,
No - you won't steal my harmony,
Choose the raging if you must, now
Shhh! Nature's dancing, just for me.
I do absolutely agree.
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Oh, I do love this one.
I know exactly what you are talking about here.
Love your ending:You will not destroy my pleasure,
No - you won't steal my harmony,
Choose the raging if you must, now
Shhh! Nature's dancing, just for me.
I do absolutely agree.
Hugs, d
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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bless you d - so glad you found this one!
Comment from Walu Feral
Beautiful! This is a really special piece of heart warming poetry. It is also on my favorite topic, Nature. Thank you for sharing it. Cheers fez.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Beautiful! This is a really special piece of heart warming poetry. It is also on my favorite topic, Nature. Thank you for sharing it. Cheers fez.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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thx Fez! :)
Comment from jandeck
Beautiful form and flow to this poem. I loved the uplifting description of nature. One thing about writers, they notice and appreciate what's around them. Lovely writing!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Beautiful form and flow to this poem. I loved the uplifting description of nature. One thing about writers, they notice and appreciate what's around them. Lovely writing!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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thx so much jan! :)
Comment from Black_Oxygen
I like this poetry a lot. It has a infectious energy to
it, and the flow is smooth and goes down easy. The rhymes
are not forced and it held my interest from start to
finish. Thank You for your creation.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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I like this poetry a lot. It has a infectious energy to
it, and the flow is smooth and goes down easy. The rhymes
are not forced and it held my interest from start to
finish. Thank You for your creation.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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thx so much Ron!
Comment from janalma
Very pretty and poetic. Must be a tropical place as the trees have scarlet flowers. I don't think I've ever seen that except in Hawaii. Love the refrain of 'Nature's dancing just for me.' Enjoyed reading but there is a hint of strife in the last verse, where it seems the joy is not fully shared. Nice.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Very pretty and poetic. Must be a tropical place as the trees have scarlet flowers. I don't think I've ever seen that except in Hawaii. Love the refrain of 'Nature's dancing just for me.' Enjoyed reading but there is a hint of strife in the last verse, where it seems the joy is not fully shared. Nice.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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aaah, you're getting warmer, hmm ... and you've got the message in the last verse too - well done!
