Love
This poem is about fake love.8 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
You have here an almost musical flow of words and an excellent internal rhyme. Your words capture a feel for love
that comes through clearly.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2013
  |
You have here an almost musical flow of words and an excellent internal rhyme. Your words capture a feel for love
that comes through clearly.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2013
-
thanks!
Comment from mshirachot
Alexis93! This is a nice free verse, but it does not follow the contest rules for the 5-7-5 poetry.
Some spelling corrections are:
"shining" not "shinning"
"soars" not "sores"
"loot" not "lute"
Blessings!
Marsha
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2013
 |
Alexis93! This is a nice free verse, but it does not follow the contest rules for the 5-7-5 poetry.
Some spelling corrections are:
"shining" not "shinning"
"soars" not "sores"
"loot" not "lute"
Blessings!
Marsha
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2013
-
thank u!
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Hi Alexis! Welcome to Fanstory! I think it is wonderful that at age 10 you are interested in writing poetry. I was about your age when I began writing too. Now I am a grandma and still writing!
I love your little poem about love. Sorry that it does not qualify for the 5-7-5 contest, you must not have understood what a 5-7-5 is.
Do you know what a syllable is? It's how many breaks there are in one word. For instance DOG is only ONE syllable. DOGGIE is TWO syllables. ALEXIS (A-LEX-IS) is THREE syllables.
A 5-7-5 poem has THREE lines. The first line will have FIVE syllables. I THINK LOVE IS GREAT is FIVE syllables.
Second line must have SEVEN syllables- example...
IT MAKES ME OH SO HAPPY (hap-py) two syllables.
Third line will again, have 5 syllables...
LOVE IS ALL AROUND (5 syllables) (around- a-round, 2 syllables)
And THAT is a 5-7-5..written like this...
I THINK LOVE IS GREAT (5 syllables)
IT MAKES ME OH, SO HAPPY (7 syllables)
LOVE IS ALL AROUND (5 syllables)
It doesn't have to rhyme.
Now that you know how to do it, I'm betting you can come up with a GREAT one of your own!
I love your little poem here about love- there are some mistakes, but we all make mistakes sometime. You can ask me for help anytime you need it.
Love to me is like a shinning (shining), twinkling, wondering (wandering?) star, a star that sores (soars) real far, love to other people sometimes is how cute the person is, or how much lute (loot) the person has, but no, if they think that, their love will shrink, it means their love is not real, their love is a horrible deal, love is how people feel inside not outside.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Betty
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
|
Hi Alexis! Welcome to Fanstory! I think it is wonderful that at age 10 you are interested in writing poetry. I was about your age when I began writing too. Now I am a grandma and still writing!
I love your little poem about love. Sorry that it does not qualify for the 5-7-5 contest, you must not have understood what a 5-7-5 is.
Do you know what a syllable is? It's how many breaks there are in one word. For instance DOG is only ONE syllable. DOGGIE is TWO syllables. ALEXIS (A-LEX-IS) is THREE syllables.
A 5-7-5 poem has THREE lines. The first line will have FIVE syllables. I THINK LOVE IS GREAT is FIVE syllables.
Second line must have SEVEN syllables- example...
IT MAKES ME OH SO HAPPY (hap-py) two syllables.
Third line will again, have 5 syllables...
LOVE IS ALL AROUND (5 syllables) (around- a-round, 2 syllables)
And THAT is a 5-7-5..written like this...
I THINK LOVE IS GREAT (5 syllables)
IT MAKES ME OH, SO HAPPY (7 syllables)
LOVE IS ALL AROUND (5 syllables)
It doesn't have to rhyme.
Now that you know how to do it, I'm betting you can come up with a GREAT one of your own!
I love your little poem here about love- there are some mistakes, but we all make mistakes sometime. You can ask me for help anytime you need it.
Love to me is like a shinning (shining), twinkling, wondering (wandering?) star, a star that sores (soars) real far, love to other people sometimes is how cute the person is, or how much lute (loot) the person has, but no, if they think that, their love will shrink, it means their love is not real, their love is a horrible deal, love is how people feel inside not outside.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Betty
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
-
Thanks I really appreciate that and you are wonderful I adore you so much I wish I could hav
-
What honey? Your message ended without finishing- wish you could have...what, Alexis? It's not too late (I don't think) to change your entry in the contest- if that's what you were saying...I'll help you. Betty
-
You should have seen my face when I read that message from you I almost cried. I do have one question though.
-
and your question is?...
-
How do you upload a picture to your profile?
-
First you must have a picture downloaded on your computer or in your camera. Save it to your pictures.
Go into your profile on fanstory and on the left should be a place to add a photo.
Let me know if you still can't do it. You can also click on 'contact' at the top of the page and ask Tom (he runs the site) how to do this- he may be able to explain it better than me. Betty
-
Aw thanks you are so nice.
-
Have you tried your hand at a new 5-7-5 entry? Betty
-
You have to pay extra money to write another thing....... :(
-
No, Sweetie, you don't. Just go in and totally revise your entry- Just click 'edit' on your poem, and remove the title (put in your new title) Highlight and delete your poem and type in your new 5-7-5 poem. Have you written one yet? Betty
Comment from GWHARGIS
You seem to have a real insight into what is real and what isn't. The style is quite interesting and though it is not a true 5-7-5 poem it is a very good poem. Keep working on this and keep posting. Sometimes the reviews will seem kind of mean but most are here to help. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
|
You seem to have a real insight into what is real and what isn't. The style is quite interesting and though it is not a true 5-7-5 poem it is a very good poem. Keep working on this and keep posting. Sometimes the reviews will seem kind of mean but most are here to help. Nicely done.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
-
Thanks :)
Comment from A. B. JACK
I love your poem. My favorite phrase is "their love is a horrible deal" You expressed well the character of fake love.
Two things I noticed that might improve your poem is some misspelled words: shinning should be shining, lute should be loot. :)
Excellent! Audrey
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
|
I love your poem. My favorite phrase is "their love is a horrible deal" You expressed well the character of fake love.
Two things I noticed that might improve your poem is some misspelled words: shinning should be shining, lute should be loot. :)
Excellent! Audrey
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
-
Thank you!!!!!!
Comment from adewpearl
Alexis, you have misunderstood the rules for the 5/7/5 form and contest. You need to have a 3 line poem where line one has only 5 syllables, line two has only 7 syllables and line three has only 5 syllables.
shinning - should be shining
star that sores - should be soars
lute the person has - loot
I like the message you convey - love, indeed, should be about how people truly feel about each other and not how attracted they are to a cute physical appearance
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
|
Alexis, you have misunderstood the rules for the 5/7/5 form and contest. You need to have a 3 line poem where line one has only 5 syllables, line two has only 7 syllables and line three has only 5 syllables.
shinning - should be shining
star that sores - should be soars
lute the person has - loot
I like the message you convey - love, indeed, should be about how people truly feel about each other and not how attracted they are to a cute physical appearance
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
-
Thanks
Comment from country ranch writer
love is in the eye of the beholder. It is what is inside that counts no matter what they look like. It should not matter whether they have money, good looks ,cute butt,boobs or what ever. love is special make it work for you ,you do not let other people tell you who you should or shouldn't love. the choice is up to you.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
|
love is in the eye of the beholder. It is what is inside that counts no matter what they look like. It should not matter whether they have money, good looks ,cute butt,boobs or what ever. love is special make it work for you ,you do not let other people tell you who you should or shouldn't love. the choice is up to you.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
-
Thanks so much for feeling how I feel love is an amazing thing and you understand love for sure.
-
I love people like u!!!!!!!!!!!
-
WELCOME
-
Thanks
-
Awwwwwwwewwwwwwwwwwww u r so sweat!!!!!! ;)
-
Thanks for welcoming me!!!!
Comment from Walu Feral
You are so right my young friend I liked this little piece! It is a really good choice for the contest. Good luck and peace to you. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
|
You are so right my young friend I liked this little piece! It is a really good choice for the contest. Good luck and peace to you. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
-
Thank you so much you are so nice I'm only ten and you right now are telling me that I am good good luck to you too.
-
I love people like you!
