Sampson's Hair
desire dirt old15 total reviews
Comment from Kit Parker
First, I read the poem silently. Then I played the video with the sound low and read it out loud. Finally, I read it a third time, out loud again but this time without music. I liked it all three times.
I particularly liked your use of both "biblical" imagery and ancient references to depict the erotic act. Obviously, the story of Sampson and Delilah lends itself to sensuality and you have provided an arousing portrayal of what - in the end - can bring almost any man to his knees. I got a real kick of your allegorical reference to original sin via the apple cider in the first line of the second stanza - ah, sipping searing sin as cider . . . but I digress.
By way of improvement . . . I couldn't help but notice the sensual rhythm of the piece came to an abrupt halt over the word Sherlocking. Not unlike when you've rested your elbow on her hair and suddenly she can't move - that unfortunate interruption we've all experienced during coitus but never want to be reminded of during our reminiscences. Pardon my digressions . . . Anyway, it just seems too out of place and too "cutesy," (for lack of a better vocabulary). Out of place because, up to then, your imagery carried biblical, ancient, even primal elements but then, all of a sudden, I'm confronted with a pop culture detective. "Cutesy" because of the whole "under-the-cover detecting" thing. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of exploration and investigation, especially when it comes to sex so, obviously I see what you're going for here. I just think you can dig a little deeper (no pun intended - I SWEAR!) to find a better image, one more in keeping with the over all context of the poem. 'Nuff said. This part just doesn't work for me . . .
Otherwise, this is a jolly good poem you have here. I enjoyed it and hope to see more of its kind. - PEACE -
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
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First, I read the poem silently. Then I played the video with the sound low and read it out loud. Finally, I read it a third time, out loud again but this time without music. I liked it all three times.
I particularly liked your use of both "biblical" imagery and ancient references to depict the erotic act. Obviously, the story of Sampson and Delilah lends itself to sensuality and you have provided an arousing portrayal of what - in the end - can bring almost any man to his knees. I got a real kick of your allegorical reference to original sin via the apple cider in the first line of the second stanza - ah, sipping searing sin as cider . . . but I digress.
By way of improvement . . . I couldn't help but notice the sensual rhythm of the piece came to an abrupt halt over the word Sherlocking. Not unlike when you've rested your elbow on her hair and suddenly she can't move - that unfortunate interruption we've all experienced during coitus but never want to be reminded of during our reminiscences. Pardon my digressions . . . Anyway, it just seems too out of place and too "cutesy," (for lack of a better vocabulary). Out of place because, up to then, your imagery carried biblical, ancient, even primal elements but then, all of a sudden, I'm confronted with a pop culture detective. "Cutesy" because of the whole "under-the-cover detecting" thing. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of exploration and investigation, especially when it comes to sex so, obviously I see what you're going for here. I just think you can dig a little deeper (no pun intended - I SWEAR!) to find a better image, one more in keeping with the over all context of the poem. 'Nuff said. This part just doesn't work for me . . .
Otherwise, this is a jolly good poem you have here. I enjoyed it and hope to see more of its kind. - PEACE -
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
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Hey Thanks kid....apprieciate your opinion...I just went read your ...poem...-smile- good stuff man...-wink-
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Did you review it?
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you sure you want me too?....You better tweak it a bit first...-wnk-
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Wouldn't ask if I didn't want you to and as far as tweaking it goes, I submitted it thinking it was ready for public view so what would you suggest I "tweak?"
Comment from visionary1234
Wow, Michael what ARE you smokin'? Whatever it is, I want some! an "incendiary" write, for sure, my dear!
cup's runnith'(runneth - no apostrophe necessary either) over
Tssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! :)S
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
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Wow, Michael what ARE you smokin'? Whatever it is, I want some! an "incendiary" write, for sure, my dear!
cup's runnith'(runneth - no apostrophe necessary either) over
Tssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! :)S
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2013
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TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.....your so cool...lol Maralboro lights....for a minute...I think I'm gonna try and quit again.....its almost August...lol Thank you....I tried one of those viagra's...and just went nuts....sorry. lmbo- I'll try not let it happen again love you Michael
Comment from Jaq Cee
Wow,wow,wow!! Very hot Michael. I think I may need a cold shower after that one...lol. Great write as always and I live the Kings too. :) Jaq x
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2013
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Wow,wow,wow!! Very hot Michael. I think I may need a cold shower after that one...lol. Great write as always and I live the Kings too. :) Jaq x
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2013
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lol.....yep Well....I see I didn't get any sixers for this one...lol love you Michael
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None left :( xx
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non non no....I didn't mean it like that...love you-
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Michael,
if this is the pre-lim,then the main course is going to be something else. Wow man, so many promises of plans involve a plan of attack,'FAIL TO PREPARE AND PREPARE TO FAIL' y m be on a winner with the preparation. Hot, sensual,enticing and what a build up, enjoy the moment my 'friends'
kindest I'll close my eyes,
James
******stars,light them up!!!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hi Michael,
if this is the pre-lim,then the main course is going to be something else. Wow man, so many promises of plans involve a plan of attack,'FAIL TO PREPARE AND PREPARE TO FAIL' y m be on a winner with the preparation. Hot, sensual,enticing and what a build up, enjoy the moment my 'friends'
kindest I'll close my eyes,
James
******stars,light them up!!!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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ha ha.....James....-smile- what are you doing in here?...lmbo- Ahhh just wanted to use one of them do not distueb stickers....-smile- love you man michael
Comment from l.raven
Hi Baby, Good thing I haven't had my shower yet. Now I need a cold one. This is really!! Most I say the words. Butterflies!! Can't wait to see you too Michael !!!And this is the perfect video. Love you Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hi Baby, Good thing I haven't had my shower yet. Now I need a cold one. This is really!! Most I say the words. Butterflies!! Can't wait to see you too Michael !!!And this is the perfect video. Love you Linda xxoo
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hey sexy butt...-smile- yea....say em...lol you would be able to without cracking up laughing....and thats why i love you -wink- Later gator...Michael
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Are you trying to say I wouldn't be able to without cracking up. LOL LOL Maybe!!! LMAO!! Talk at ya later. Going to get the kids. I love you back!! Linda xxoo
Comment from lucy marie
Some very clever lines here...
The desire of Sampson hair
Searing hot apple cider slowly sipped
YES you adore the Ladies... But you don't trust us.... Sampson passions were his undoing ;-P
Written for excitement . Raw
Think I enjoyed swallowing Nivana most !! Gorgeous
Lucy x
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Some very clever lines here...
The desire of Sampson hair
Searing hot apple cider slowly sipped
YES you adore the Ladies... But you don't trust us.... Sampson passions were his undoing ;-P
Written for excitement . Raw
Think I enjoyed swallowing Nivana most !! Gorgeous
Lucy x
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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yea....well I fixed it....sorry. Hey heaven sent....O yes I do....thats my problem....and my potion....-smile- Love you sunshine Michael
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Sorry you lost me babe... Why are you saying sorry ??
What did you fix ??
am I being stupid... what have I missed ? ;-(
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O....I changed it...-smile- Hey...how are you? I love your Picture...pen? pencil? I can too...-smile- not suprising ..I mean you ....minnie me...-smile-
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Heehee.... Yeah minnie me ;-D
Soooooo Pleased you like it .... Its pen ;-)
A flower I just cant seem to stop drawing
I thought if I used it for something constructive I may be able to move on to a new form !!
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Yes babe....show me some ...I'll use em...I think you can sell them on fan art....no? Pen...impressive...-smile- I usually scetch with lead...then paint -wink- I'm interested in the back ground...how'd you get the look...paint thinner...dedentured alcohol? watered down paint? what? ...Like pullin' teeth Lucy.....-wink- love you..
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Haahaa ... sorry im not confidant in my work..not trained... bit scary talking to a professional !!
I just put a wash on it ... but then once dried add extra paint until i'm happy ...i used to do a lot of oils but not at the minute.
Do you think i could sell them ?
Really ?
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Yes....print your poems on them....maybe frame them...sell em on line....-wink- Professional....only when you get paid....I hardly ever get to do mueauls....mostly basic crap....I get to a littl bit a faux painting...do some now. Me too...pretty much self taught. You got gold girl...you know it love you
Comment from Robin Gilmor
Your passions are surely felt in this one. Hot and seething with desires.
gymnastic gyrations...
deep seeded investigations...
undercover detecting...Sherlocking everything
Smiles. Robin :)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Your passions are surely felt in this one. Hot and seething with desires.
gymnastic gyrations...
deep seeded investigations...
undercover detecting...Sherlocking everything
Smiles. Robin :)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hi Robin...-smile- yes maam I cant help but Sherlock....thank you beautiful love you michael
Comment from Debra White
Woah! This is HOT!
You certainly have a way with words...........
'Oyster tasting pearl diving'.............(blush!) Nice imagery
I love the 'Sherlocking everything' can imagine the squirming under close scrutiny.
'never spent' - now there's a concept!
I love your great alliteration throughout.
If I had a six I'd give you one (I ought to rephrase that, but you know what I mean lol!)
Orgasmic writing!!
Deb :)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Woah! This is HOT!
You certainly have a way with words...........
'Oyster tasting pearl diving'.............(blush!) Nice imagery
I love the 'Sherlocking everything' can imagine the squirming under close scrutiny.
'never spent' - now there's a concept!
I love your great alliteration throughout.
If I had a six I'd give you one (I ought to rephrase that, but you know what I mean lol!)
Orgasmic writing!!
Deb :)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hi Deb....-smile- yea... lol never spent....thats right havent you ever heard of ever ready...I have a patten on the position...-wink- love you Michael
Comment from robina1978
This a bit naughty, Michael and I've never seen you to have to put a warning on. I loved pyro-mancing and detecting, Sherlocking a lot. I hope Linda likes it:)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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This a bit naughty, Michael and I've never seen you to have to put a warning on. I loved pyro-mancing and detecting, Sherlocking a lot. I hope Linda likes it:)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Hey sis...shut your eyes...and walk fast... Mom doesn't need to know....it might kill me...love you michael
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I will, Ine
Comment from juliedickson55
wow...steamy, Michael.
Very sensual and provocative
Great erotica writing.
Good alliteration:
pleasures performed
gymnastic gyrations
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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wow...steamy, Michael.
Very sensual and provocative
Great erotica writing.
Good alliteration:
pleasures performed
gymnastic gyrations
Comment Written 15-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2013
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Julie....-smile- Hi ya...Well thank you....I wanted to try one of them warning tags...-smile- love you Michael
