Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Maya Moon"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from Connie C
This is probably my favorite chapter so far, Bev. There is so much going on here, and I can't wait to see if Father Brian is somehow involved in the wrongdoings. That's been my suspicion, but only you have the answer. The description of the removing of the eyeballs was pretty creepy and therefore quite good! As always, I couldn't find any spags except maybe for paragraph five, second sentence. I kept reading it over, as it seems there's a word missing. Seems like maybe a word such "who" before "chose to ignore" would sound better. But it could just be me not reading it right. Overall, what a great chapter this is, my friend! Can't wait for the next one.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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This is probably my favorite chapter so far, Bev. There is so much going on here, and I can't wait to see if Father Brian is somehow involved in the wrongdoings. That's been my suspicion, but only you have the answer. The description of the removing of the eyeballs was pretty creepy and therefore quite good! As always, I couldn't find any spags except maybe for paragraph five, second sentence. I kept reading it over, as it seems there's a word missing. Seems like maybe a word such "who" before "chose to ignore" would sound better. But it could just be me not reading it right. Overall, what a great chapter this is, my friend! Can't wait for the next one.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, Connie. Thanks so much for your encouragement and support. You are just an awesome friend! I always know that you will read with an eye for offering me solid support and advice. I really appreciate that. So, definitely will check out that sentence. I did turn off a few folks with the eyeball thing, but honestly that's pretty tame compared to published works of this kind. At least my guy was dead LOL. I can't thank you enough for gracious and generous support, buddy.. Hugs, Bev
Comment from donkeyoatey
So many different elements in this story, and it builds to the point where the reader wants to continue..that is the sign of a great novel! thanks ever so much for using my artwork..I can't wait for the next installment! donkeyoatey
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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So many different elements in this story, and it builds to the point where the reader wants to continue..that is the sign of a great novel! thanks ever so much for using my artwork..I can't wait for the next installment! donkeyoatey
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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What a gracious gesture and review, D. I love your artwork, so rich and creative. Thank you so much for the use of it. I think it adds to the work. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from josieg521
Wow, this was a very dramatic chapter filled with a lot of explosive information to chew on. I think it fuels the reader to keep reading, to want more. Your writing style is very direct and very strong and I found nothing to dislike in this chapter. Keep going!
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Wow, this was a very dramatic chapter filled with a lot of explosive information to chew on. I think it fuels the reader to keep reading, to want more. Your writing style is very direct and very strong and I found nothing to dislike in this chapter. Keep going!
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, josie. I really appreciate your very gracious and encouraging review. Thank you much for taking time to read this chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Showboat
Bev, when you get this one finished, we have to talk. Whoa, absolutely outstanding, one of your best chapters yet.
"When he raised his eyes, they were diamond-hard. Instinctively, the P.I. crossed his arms in front of his chest."
Excellent visual, great showing. This whole chapter is full of them, one after another. The body movements are perfect, the dialogue, the facial expressions.
Kudos m'dear, here, have a sixer!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Bev, when you get this one finished, we have to talk. Whoa, absolutely outstanding, one of your best chapters yet.
"When he raised his eyes, they were diamond-hard. Instinctively, the P.I. crossed his arms in front of his chest."
Excellent visual, great showing. This whole chapter is full of them, one after another. The body movements are perfect, the dialogue, the facial expressions.
Kudos m'dear, here, have a sixer!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, Gayle. Thank you, my so-talented friend, for this wonderfully encouraging review. I'm trying to get a little better with each write. So, your words really make me smile. I so appreciate your generous six. Icing on the cake! Hugs, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
EWWWW. I guess sickos are really weird. I found the exchange between the sherriff and the PI really great. Loved the barbs thrown. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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EWWWW. I guess sickos are really weird. I found the exchange between the sherriff and the PI really great. Loved the barbs thrown. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, FW. Yes, I did add a new element to the nature of the killer. Thank you for the great review and attention to the details. I much appreciate such fine praise from a writer of your talent. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Excellent chapter. I've missed some of your work and will go back to read past chapters. I've been gone a few months! Glad to have read this chapter with your brand of excellence.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Excellent chapter. I've missed some of your work and will go back to read past chapters. I've been gone a few months! Glad to have read this chapter with your brand of excellence.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, Eleanor. I so look forward to finding more of your superb poetry to review. Thank you so much for your gracious and very generous review. I am honored! Hugs, Bev
Comment from LaDonnaCole
I have not read prior chapters, but that in no way inhibited my enjoyment of this chapter. Dialogue was engaging, topic interesting.
I thought the son's character was well developed and came through his dialogue. Derek's character didn't have much chance to come through in this chapter, but still seemed pretty solid. I couldn't get a grasp on Aaron's character or even his purpose in the room.
I loved the surgical scene, chilling from beginning to end.
I did not spot any typos or spag.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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I have not read prior chapters, but that in no way inhibited my enjoyment of this chapter. Dialogue was engaging, topic interesting.
I thought the son's character was well developed and came through his dialogue. Derek's character didn't have much chance to come through in this chapter, but still seemed pretty solid. I couldn't get a grasp on Aaron's character or even his purpose in the room.
I loved the surgical scene, chilling from beginning to end.
I did not spot any typos or spag.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Thank you, LaDonna. I appreciate your generous and encouraging review. I think Aaron's purpose, primarily at this point. is to introduce an element of conflict and to deliver the disturbing news about the priest. Cheers, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the sheriff is bering shown up by the private detective mr buell's son hired and the son is getting ready to offer a reward, which will complicate matters. the killer harvests parts from buell's body
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the sheriff is bering shown up by the private detective mr buell's son hired and the son is getting ready to offer a reward, which will complicate matters. the killer harvests parts from buell's body
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Thank you much, sweet. I appreciate you hanging in there with my novel. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
And the mystery deepens when we get a glimpse at the murderer removing Fritz Buell's eyeballs.
We know now that he's a medical person, possibibly a doctor; he has severe headache when this is happening; he hears and talks to a disembodied voice.
You have also added Father Brian to the suspect list.
I wish the chapters were coming faster. That's my only criticism. LOL
Well done, Bev. Nice story telling and plot weaving.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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And the mystery deepens when we get a glimpse at the murderer removing Fritz Buell's eyeballs.
We know now that he's a medical person, possibibly a doctor; he has severe headache when this is happening; he hears and talks to a disembodied voice.
You have also added Father Brian to the suspect list.
I wish the chapters were coming faster. That's my only criticism. LOL
Well done, Bev. Nice story telling and plot weaving.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Hi, Ellen. Thank you so much for this very generous and encouraging review. Especially, I appreciate you sticking with me throughout this story. I know I've meandered a bit (well quite a lot LOL) to set up the characters, and now I'm ready to start to bring this dude down. I'll try to get the chapters out faster, but I'm not quite the prolific writer so many of you other awesome writers are. Thanks again!
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Joan E.
Again, your dialog and descriptions are realistic and believable--good examples are "Clenched fists telegraph a warning...", "diamond-hard eyes" and "checkmate smile." However, I'm going to have nightmares about the tormentor's "best work yet"! -Joan
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Again, your dialog and descriptions are realistic and believable--good examples are "Clenched fists telegraph a warning...", "diamond-hard eyes" and "checkmate smile." However, I'm going to have nightmares about the tormentor's "best work yet"! -Joan
Comment Written 10-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much, Joan. I had hoped the fact he was dead would make folks a little less squeamish. I promise he didn't suffer during the procedure!
I really appreciate your support, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
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Thanks for your reassurance--I must tell you I did not have nightmares after all! -J
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Phew, I'm so glad, Joan. Happy Sunday! Bev
