Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "A Hoka Moon, Pt. 2"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from Zeplile
I enjoyed reading through this piece. Raises questions which I see many interesting answers to. A great deal of action happened, making it even more interesting. Overall amazing work.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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I enjoyed reading through this piece. Raises questions which I see many interesting answers to. A great deal of action happened, making it even more interesting. Overall amazing work.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you much, Zeplile. I appreciate this generous review! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Bev dear,
This is your genre, I think - you are so good at it. Great dialogue - it reads almost like a script.
Good work, kiddo - looking forward to the next chapter!
Hugs xxx R4TS
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hi Bev dear,
This is your genre, I think - you are so good at it. Great dialogue - it reads almost like a script.
Good work, kiddo - looking forward to the next chapter!
Hugs xxx R4TS
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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I appreciate your great review, R4TS. I have thought of eventually adapting this to a script. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from TonyD
I am intrigued. The characters come to life in the dialogue and the short description of the main characters that was provided. The short conversation between the customer "not an ounce over..." made me chuckle.
I particularly liked Skeets' thoughts about the priest "There's nothing worse than a shepherd helplessly watching wolves devour his sheep, he thought."
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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I am intrigued. The characters come to life in the dialogue and the short description of the main characters that was provided. The short conversation between the customer "not an ounce over..." made me chuckle.
I particularly liked Skeets' thoughts about the priest "There's nothing worse than a shepherd helplessly watching wolves devour his sheep, he thought."
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hi, TonyD. Thank you for your very thoughtful review. I really appreciate the time you took to read my chapter and offer your generous review. Much appreciated! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Bev, this is another well penned post. Had my stomach going a bit green, but hey I got through it:)
Excellent work as always you hold tight your readers to the post and I always feel part of it. Which at sometimes is bloody scary for me. Exceptional writting my friend.
Thanks for sharing, sort of:P
Maureen
Edit check:
""Ya, I (unterstand), Mrs. Gunter. I do my best.""// not sure this may be your dialect ..understand ??
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hi Bev, this is another well penned post. Had my stomach going a bit green, but hey I got through it:)
Excellent work as always you hold tight your readers to the post and I always feel part of it. Which at sometimes is bloody scary for me. Exceptional writting my friend.
Thanks for sharing, sort of:P
Maureen
Edit check:
""Ya, I (unterstand), Mrs. Gunter. I do my best.""// not sure this may be your dialect ..understand ??
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Dear Maureen, thank you so much for this so-generous and supportive review. I sure appreciate your loyalty and encouragement. I think I'm going to have to change that word, Margaret also wondered about it, so my version isn't working so hot LOL. I was trying, lamely, to suggest a dialect.
Are you back from your beach trip? I hope you have a wonderful weekend and a warm one wherever you may be.
Hugs, Bev
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Still being a beach bum and loving the simplicity:)
Love
xx
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That's great. I'm glad you're having a nice holiday, Maureen. XXX Bev
Comment from jjstar
Hey there. Loved the details, setup for the chapter, especially the stop for the sandwiches. So a cops life, huh? I also appreciate the character who are not actually part of this chapter like Jana begin kept on the surface so we don't forget them.
What a gross ending with the ear. I was quite the sick one. I wondered if there a a head in the box..ick..been watching way too much Criminal Minds..
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hey there. Loved the details, setup for the chapter, especially the stop for the sandwiches. So a cops life, huh? I also appreciate the character who are not actually part of this chapter like Jana begin kept on the surface so we don't forget them.
What a gross ending with the ear. I was quite the sick one. I wondered if there a a head in the box..ick..been watching way too much Criminal Minds..
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much, jj. I appreciate the generous review. :0) Bev
Comment from J. Dark
Another beautifully written chapter full of brilliant characterisation, Bev, and I am so sorry that I have run out the sixes that your writing deserves.
I really liked that bird dog simile and truly appreciated the way you cleverly described Skeets attitude and approach to his role. His diet reasoning was great - I might try that one myself!
You have exceptional storytelling skill with strong ability to bring your characters to life. I have made a note to go back and read your earlier chapters, just for the fun of it. I am genuinely very "into" your story. Fabulous work.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Another beautifully written chapter full of brilliant characterisation, Bev, and I am so sorry that I have run out the sixes that your writing deserves.
I really liked that bird dog simile and truly appreciated the way you cleverly described Skeets attitude and approach to his role. His diet reasoning was great - I might try that one myself!
You have exceptional storytelling skill with strong ability to bring your characters to life. I have made a note to go back and read your earlier chapters, just for the fun of it. I am genuinely very "into" your story. Fabulous work.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Julie, thank you so much for this wonderfully encouraging and supportive review! You've lifted my spirits, my friend, and I appreciate that. The virtual six is a cherry on top. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Siouxsun
I liked some of the creative ways you used to get your message across without having to actually spell it out for the reader. For exm
"Ron scanned it quickly then tipped the page for Skeets to read.
"Please donate these clothes to a worthy charity. Fritz Buell no longer requires their use."
I question the names of some of your characters though. They seem at minimum bit childish. (skeeter, Ron Jolly and Matilda/ church)also maybe you are unaware that both skeeter and Ron Jolly are the street names for some illegal drugs. I could understand the connection if the characters where on the wrong end of the law but they are law enforcement. However your story line has great potential as books of this nature are popular reads!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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I liked some of the creative ways you used to get your message across without having to actually spell it out for the reader. For exm
"Ron scanned it quickly then tipped the page for Skeets to read.
"Please donate these clothes to a worthy charity. Fritz Buell no longer requires their use."
I question the names of some of your characters though. They seem at minimum bit childish. (skeeter, Ron Jolly and Matilda/ church)also maybe you are unaware that both skeeter and Ron Jolly are the street names for some illegal drugs. I could understand the connection if the characters where on the wrong end of the law but they are law enforcement. However your story line has great potential as books of this nature are popular reads!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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It's Skeets, not Skeeter. Thank you.
Comment from lakeport
Along the Jericho Road indeed another crime for the Detective to solve, the suspense is building up. I enjoyed reading the story. God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Along the Jericho Road indeed another crime for the Detective to solve, the suspense is building up. I enjoyed reading the story. God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hi, Lakeport. Thanks for the great review! :0) Bev
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your welcome .Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment from LaDonnaCole
Great writing! Well developed story going here.
It seemed the first few paragraphs had more telling than showing going on. Very clinical accounting. I assumed that was intentional as the voice or point of view of the character.
"He held the hope fate had shown up in the guise of an irksome, gun nuzzling retiree." Reword? Stumbled over this sentence.
You have successfully created the mood and atmosphere of a crime novel, succinct and tightly written.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Great writing! Well developed story going here.
It seemed the first few paragraphs had more telling than showing going on. Very clinical accounting. I assumed that was intentional as the voice or point of view of the character.
"He held the hope fate had shown up in the guise of an irksome, gun nuzzling retiree." Reword? Stumbled over this sentence.
You have successfully created the mood and atmosphere of a crime novel, succinct and tightly written.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much for the generous and encouraging review. LaDonna. Your suggestion has merit regarding that line. I've revised slightly. Kindest regards! Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
He held the hope(that) ?? fate had shown up in the guise of an irksome, gun nuzzling retiree.
When he'd moved from St. Paul to Granite Mountain in the 80's, to accept a position as a homicide detective, he'd already concluded he was destined to be a team player but never its leader. He was neither whip-smart like his commander, Derek Oleson, or polished like his partner, Ron Jolly. Yet, he was confident of his unique skill-set and content to pass the ball to the youngsters.
(Really like this paragraph as it reminds the reader that a good team is composed of people of various talents.)
There's nothing worse than a shepherd helplessly watching wolves devour his sheep, he thought (This is an iteresting observation and description.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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He held the hope(that) ?? fate had shown up in the guise of an irksome, gun nuzzling retiree.
When he'd moved from St. Paul to Granite Mountain in the 80's, to accept a position as a homicide detective, he'd already concluded he was destined to be a team player but never its leader. He was neither whip-smart like his commander, Derek Oleson, or polished like his partner, Ron Jolly. Yet, he was confident of his unique skill-set and content to pass the ball to the youngsters.
(Really like this paragraph as it reminds the reader that a good team is composed of people of various talents.)
There's nothing worse than a shepherd helplessly watching wolves devour his sheep, he thought (This is an iteresting observation and description.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much for the thorough and generous review, Dallas. I appreciate your insights, as always. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome.
