Revenge at Bitter Creek
Rock hard writing contest10 total reviews
Comment from EMB
Well, I guess he'll have to arrest her now, right? I'd leave her alone, hang up my tin star, and call it a day--forever. LOL This was an unusual piece, probably because of a strict format, but you pulled it off nicely.
Note:
...and in the distance I could hear a NIGHTINGALE singing. (So where is the narrator in this story?)
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Well, I guess he'll have to arrest her now, right? I'd leave her alone, hang up my tin star, and call it a day--forever. LOL This was an unusual piece, probably because of a strict format, but you pulled it off nicely.
Note:
...and in the distance I could hear a NIGHTINGALE singing. (So where is the narrator in this story?)
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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I believe it is he could hear the nightingale sing in my story? Could be wrong, but mainly it's about a rock band called The Eagles. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from Spitfire
Congrats on winning the contest. I'm somewhat familiar with the band name and a couple of titles. So glad you didn't end it with the cliche of man gets shot before retirement!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Congrats on winning the contest. I'm somewhat familiar with the band name and a couple of titles. So glad you didn't end it with the cliche of man gets shot before retirement!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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THank you for the congrats and the review. I think I had the ending on this one before I had the middle or end. And you're right "food is the way to a man's heart" - at least it works well with mine.
Comment from Cariboubill
Darn good writing! Got in the song titles and they blended right into the story without seeming contrived. The story moves along like an old time good guy, bad guy western story.
...Bill
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Darn good writing! Got in the song titles and they blended right into the story without seeming contrived. The story moves along like an old time good guy, bad guy western story.
...Bill
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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This such a great exceptional! You have no idea how many people have not read this prompt before they reviewed the work. Though the story has done very well, one person was upset that I did not write one of the song titles correctly (Doolin Daltin). So your review means a great deal to me THANK YOU!
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the story You put a country theme to a rock band. I am sure they will forgive you. I like the way you did it. Great work.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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I love the picture. I love the story You put a country theme to a rock band. I am sure they will forgive you. I like the way you did it. Great work.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Thank you, and I'm sure The Eagles will forgive me. LOL
Comment from Terror2s
I loved the band and the group. Although I don't listen to a lot of rock, some of your songs are on my playlist for working out. The ending was terrific, Good luck. T2
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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I loved the band and the group. Although I don't listen to a lot of rock, some of your songs are on my playlist for working out. The ending was terrific, Good luck. T2
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you - this was a contest for an old Eagles fan!
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That was a GREAT contest for an old Eagles fan
Comment from jakespeed
it was ok indeed but i love gunfighter storys indeed i love action packed blazeing music get ready of jambree of joy of daceing and action blazeing at the sametime.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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it was ok indeed but i love gunfighter storys indeed i love action packed blazeing music get ready of jambree of joy of daceing and action blazeing at the sametime.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Did you even read the prompt for the contest?
Comment from Chanphy
This is fantastic. I enjoyed reading. I actually learned some names of song I didn't know. This is well written, and the story line is great. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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This is fantastic. I enjoyed reading. I actually learned some names of song I didn't know. This is well written, and the story line is great. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for this positve review. I found some song titles I didn't know either. LOL
Comment from MeleanaKaye
I like western the genre, westerns. I like drama and comedy. This little story has promise. The play on words like "dewey, dooly, etc." could be improved on; it's not exactly subtle. The girl is a nice picture and could be part of the fun. Maybe enhance her a little, blow the smoke from the gun.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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I like western the genre, westerns. I like drama and comedy. This little story has promise. The play on words like "dewey, dooly, etc." could be improved on; it's not exactly subtle. The girl is a nice picture and could be part of the fun. Maybe enhance her a little, blow the smoke from the gun.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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DId you bother to read the prompt for this contest. Your really should before you post a review. I don;t think you get the spirit of this contest at all. I think your review is very unfair.
Comment from ZBaron
Your use of the song titles is well done. They are pretty flawlessly inserted into the story without (besides the capitalization) them standing out as song titles. The first paragraph does a nice job capturing the reader's attention. I did see some minor mistakes and had a few suggestions.
One suggestion would be "he could hear a NIGHTINGALE's song." Just a personal preference.
Maybe use "Colt" instead "Gun" in the line "...hanging up his star and gun..." To me, the more concrete details a story has, the better it is and when there is so little space a simple word like gun being replaced by Colt could add a lot in terms of characterization.
Overall a great short work.
Might want to reword/structure last sentence in second paragraph.
"Anne Dewey" instead of "Anne Dewy"
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Your use of the song titles is well done. They are pretty flawlessly inserted into the story without (besides the capitalization) them standing out as song titles. The first paragraph does a nice job capturing the reader's attention. I did see some minor mistakes and had a few suggestions.
One suggestion would be "he could hear a NIGHTINGALE's song." Just a personal preference.
Maybe use "Colt" instead "Gun" in the line "...hanging up his star and gun..." To me, the more concrete details a story has, the better it is and when there is so little space a simple word like gun being replaced by Colt could add a lot in terms of characterization.
Overall a great short work.
Might want to reword/structure last sentence in second paragraph.
"Anne Dewey" instead of "Anne Dewy"
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you this is a great review. I took most of your advice.
Comment from Scribbler67
A very atmospheric and skilfully composed story, incorporating the titles of some of the best 'Eagles' tracks.
Only one little slip, in the final sentence. 'She looked at (him)...' You lapsed into first person.
Most enjoyable and engaging, easy to read and follow.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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A very atmospheric and skilfully composed story, incorporating the titles of some of the best 'Eagles' tracks.
Only one little slip, in the final sentence. 'She looked at (him)...' You lapsed into first person.
Most enjoyable and engaging, easy to read and follow.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, and funny as it is, I had just changed that to him when I recieved your review. This is such a great review! Thank you so much. I sense you love the Eagles too.
