If only...
Missed the Monorhyme deadline. Oh, shoot!36 total reviews
Comment from Curt Mongold
LOL! This is really good stuff in the monorhyme format! You truly did an excellent job with this piece, it has good flow and lots of humor to keep the reader entertained and captured in the reading to the end!
If you haven't entered the monorhyme contest and if there is still time, consider it, I think it is a contender.
Sincerely,
Curt
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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LOL! This is really good stuff in the monorhyme format! You truly did an excellent job with this piece, it has good flow and lots of humor to keep the reader entertained and captured in the reading to the end!
If you haven't entered the monorhyme contest and if there is still time, consider it, I think it is a contender.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much for your kind words.
Steve
Comment from jadapenn
One can dream. haha. One can dream any dream of fantasy and I loved this humour poem, Steve. It's been a long time since I read some of your good work. Your hoot, canoot rhyming in itself reflected humour. Thanks for making me smile. Well written. luv jada - oh, was this supposed to be a contest??? Sleeping on the job huh? haha
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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One can dream. haha. One can dream any dream of fantasy and I loved this humour poem, Steve. It's been a long time since I read some of your good work. Your hoot, canoot rhyming in itself reflected humour. Thanks for making me smile. Well written. luv jada - oh, was this supposed to be a contest??? Sleeping on the job huh? haha
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Jada - haven't seen anything of yours for a while either.
Steve
Comment from October21
Hi there, Steve! Loved the hilarious ending here and your alliteration of 'C'. The rhyming is spot on and you made the most complex words rhyme smoothly and without force. An excellent job here:-) Also a great flow that runs through the piece. I enjoyed your simple little poem:-)
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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi there, Steve! Loved the hilarious ending here and your alliteration of 'C'. The rhyming is spot on and you made the most complex words rhyme smoothly and without force. An excellent job here:-) Also a great flow that runs through the piece. I enjoyed your simple little poem:-)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thank you - yes, I can toss silly stuff like this off in my sleep. Just got to find someone who will employ me for this ridiculous skill.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Hey Steve--Usually I do not like mono-end rhymes for so many lines but if anyone can pull it off spectacularly, it's you. What wonderfully fresh and inventive rhyming and you achieve the almost-impossible by weaving them so deftly they do not sound forced, nor do they distract.
The first four rhymes are my favorite and they roll off the tongue read aloud in context...with fine consonance of F and T and alliteration of C
If only I were flush with loot
I'd be a crazy old galoot.
From canyon walls I'd parachute
in nothing but my birthday suit.
Hee hee
The superb flow and rhyming continues in second stanza but I DID find the belated "S" enjambment highly distracting. Cahoots with an 's' on the end rhyme would b less of a diversion, though poetic license obviously permits this...
At folks like you I'd cock a snoot
and smoke a smelly old cheroot.
My love and I'd be in cahoot
s. We'd raid the Women's Institute
and scoff their scones and jam and fruit,
and wouldn't even give a hoot.
This is witty and hilarious--gave me a chuckle:
We'd raid the Women's Institute
and scoff their scones and jam and fruit,
and wouldn't even give a hoot.
LOL!
Pitch perfect and outstanding alliteration of B and unique rhymes too:
Each day I'd try a new pursuit:
One day the tango, next the flute.
I'd turn back tides like King Canute,
to office bullies be a brute,
then solve the problems in Beirut.
LOVE THIS-
I'd train my brain to be acute,
"Does not compute. Does not compute."
Funny closing, too...quite creative:
Oh, wouldn't it be bloody beaut?
Alas, the whole thing's really moot,
for I am damn well destitute....
Oh, shoot!
Bravo - a six for getting more than two chuckles out of me!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hey Steve--Usually I do not like mono-end rhymes for so many lines but if anyone can pull it off spectacularly, it's you. What wonderfully fresh and inventive rhyming and you achieve the almost-impossible by weaving them so deftly they do not sound forced, nor do they distract.
The first four rhymes are my favorite and they roll off the tongue read aloud in context...with fine consonance of F and T and alliteration of C
If only I were flush with loot
I'd be a crazy old galoot.
From canyon walls I'd parachute
in nothing but my birthday suit.
Hee hee
The superb flow and rhyming continues in second stanza but I DID find the belated "S" enjambment highly distracting. Cahoots with an 's' on the end rhyme would b less of a diversion, though poetic license obviously permits this...
At folks like you I'd cock a snoot
and smoke a smelly old cheroot.
My love and I'd be in cahoot
s. We'd raid the Women's Institute
and scoff their scones and jam and fruit,
and wouldn't even give a hoot.
This is witty and hilarious--gave me a chuckle:
We'd raid the Women's Institute
and scoff their scones and jam and fruit,
and wouldn't even give a hoot.
LOL!
Pitch perfect and outstanding alliteration of B and unique rhymes too:
Each day I'd try a new pursuit:
One day the tango, next the flute.
I'd turn back tides like King Canute,
to office bullies be a brute,
then solve the problems in Beirut.
LOVE THIS-
I'd train my brain to be acute,
"Does not compute. Does not compute."
Funny closing, too...quite creative:
Oh, wouldn't it be bloody beaut?
Alas, the whole thing's really moot,
for I am damn well destitute....
Oh, shoot!
Bravo - a six for getting more than two chuckles out of me!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Rama - obviously a six from the newly re-crowned queen of reviewers means a lot to me.
I did think about the idea of splitting more words and making it a feature of the poem e.g. scrut-
inising
Probably just as well I decided against it.
Steve
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:-) !
Comment from Ekim777
In spite of the tyranny of the contest rules you have created a lively, varied piece. Every line arouses some interest and you prove to be a consummate, adaptable poet who can make poetry out of anything. I was inspired to say;
"The poet gathers the waste and splinters of the world
And fashions them into patterns, richly unfurled." -Ekim777
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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In spite of the tyranny of the contest rules you have created a lively, varied piece. Every line arouses some interest and you prove to be a consummate, adaptable poet who can make poetry out of anything. I was inspired to say;
"The poet gathers the waste and splinters of the world
And fashions them into patterns, richly unfurled." -Ekim777
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Nice quote - is it a quote if you are quoting yourself?
I pasted it into Google and the first two links to come up were to TS Eliot so congratulations...
Steve
Comment from LadyCosgrove
You always bring me laughter, which is a gift in itself.
The perpetual rhyme scheme somehow reinforces the humour. I now have a marvellous set of mental images that run like a comic strip in my mind. Thanks for those :o)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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You always bring me laughter, which is a gift in itself.
The perpetual rhyme scheme somehow reinforces the humour. I now have a marvellous set of mental images that run like a comic strip in my mind. Thanks for those :o)
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Don't let the naked parachuting strip run too long...
Steve
