Comment from donaldww

Excellent

What a super mono-rhyme poem this is! Yes, money (loot) does solve many issues and provide a means to have fun. That parachuting stunt sounds like something Richard Branson would do with his money. LOL

Cheers, and good luck with, shall I say, your next contest!

DW

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks, Donald.

Steve

Comment from Val Crisson

Excellent

Very cute, and sorry you missed the contest. I'm sure it would have been a contender. As we all should be reminded of what we can do. LOL One little suggestion, and it may not be able to be fixed. In the second stanza, "my love and I would be" then the next line begins with what I feel you want the s that I think you mean to be "cahoots" in line above. Nit picky I know, but for some it could break the flow.

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks, Val - yes, I was just playing around with cahoots - some like it, some don't.

Steve

Comment from seewhatimwritingnow

Excellent

LOL, LOL What a GREAT job you did on this writing- I giggled all the way through it- Shame you missed the dead-line for the contest- this HAD to be a winner. Thanks again (still smiling) for sharing. Betty

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thank you, Betty - glad you got a giggle - that's what most of my stuff is all about.

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid use of mono-rhyming with many really clever rhyme choices :-)
Parachuting in the nude, that is just too much information LOL
I'm laughing my head off at moving the S in cahoots to the next line LOL - you are wickedly funny
good alliteration in scoff their scones
great use of hyperbole in your boastful claims of what you would do
I so wish I could give this a six, something I tell you quite often :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks, again, Brooke.
I've had a few reviewers tell me about the typo in cahoots...
..and just as many questioning the wisdom of nude parachuting for the obvious reasons.

Steve

reply by adewpearl on 20-Jan-2013

let's just say some people were not born with their full measure of appreciation for wit and humor LOL

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I like the flow it is very well written and the picture of the bucket was a nice touch I love the wistful way the poem sounds thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for your kind words.

Steve

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

This is a clever, imaginative, skillfully-written poem. Your list of things you'd do if . . . is varied and colocful. Good job

cahoot and s--on two two lines

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for your kind words.

Steve

Comment from RedGryffyn

Excellent

Great poem. It made me laugh several times. Great structure and grammar and rhyming sequences. The whole idea is creative. The progression and flow make it a great poem. Just the first line had enough of a hook element to keep me reading to the end. Great job!

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for your kind words.

Steve

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

LOL. Oh, what a happy go lucky poem. The rhyming is a real hoot of a gem. My favorite is: "From canyon walls I'd parachute in nothing but my birthday suit." Oh, what beaut you've written! Les

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks, Les.

Steve

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Steve,

LOL, this is a great romp around the sand box first thing in the morning. Your toy plastic bucket is the perfect complementary artwork for such a profound work of art, and what a bucket list it is. Your use of enjambment with the s at the line's start is most cheeky and I think I shall have to steal erm borrow the style. Providing that's alright with you of course. The pejorative gesture of disrespect is cock a snook, but who's counting?

Brilliant! And you didn't even irritate my grumpy grammar meter. Now pass the oyster platter please.

Gloria

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thank you, Gloria - glad you enjoyed this silly piece of fluff.
snook and snoot are interchangeable in that expression according to the authorities - depends where you grew up.
You'll have a busy time on FS if you're going to start correcting grammar...

Steve

reply by Gloria .... on 20-Jan-2013

LOL. I grew up in Canada and learned the phrase from a Punjabi, British educated male.:-)

Comment from juliaSjames

Exceptional

Oh my word - the monorhyme is made for a writer like you. I'm in awe of your rhyming skill, Steve ... and of your wild imagination.

I think my favorite stanza is the second where you really do "cock a snoot" by forcing the rhyme with "cahoot" and then adding the "s" to the following line.

Love the illustration too - sand bucket list supreme! Tee hee!

Gotta give you a six for an exceptional write that made me giggle!

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013

Thanks, Julia - as you know, the giggle is the finest compliment, but I'll take the six stars too.

Steve