From Then and there to Here and Now
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Saudi Arabia"Life experiences
3 total reviews
Comment from L. Sherman
I do hope you'll pardon the lack of a review for the previous chapter, but I'll comment here.
The previous chapter just seemed very clinical to me. The writing is clear and concise as ever, but it seemed almost detached, compared to previous chapters, and this one. Maybe that's just because of all the technical jargon, but those are my thoughts.
As for this chapter - well, it's quite a whirl wind.
Janine and my mom had a falling out during World War Two and she wound up in Paris and gotten pregnant.
... had gotten pregnant? or 'and became pregnant?' Not qualified to really comment on other more punctuation-based concerns so I'll leave my two cents there.
Beyond that, you're quite well traveled and I enjoyed this chapter immensely. I think you could do more justice to each place by giving separate chapters out, but obviously, for time and length, that's almost unheard of.
I can relate to the experience of the flight in the 747. Crossing from Chicago to Frankfurt every year in the summer made for some long flights. And I was a mere child at the age of 7 when they started. If you can imagine, yikes!
Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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I do hope you'll pardon the lack of a review for the previous chapter, but I'll comment here.
The previous chapter just seemed very clinical to me. The writing is clear and concise as ever, but it seemed almost detached, compared to previous chapters, and this one. Maybe that's just because of all the technical jargon, but those are my thoughts.
As for this chapter - well, it's quite a whirl wind.
Janine and my mom had a falling out during World War Two and she wound up in Paris and gotten pregnant.
... had gotten pregnant? or 'and became pregnant?' Not qualified to really comment on other more punctuation-based concerns so I'll leave my two cents there.
Beyond that, you're quite well traveled and I enjoyed this chapter immensely. I think you could do more justice to each place by giving separate chapters out, but obviously, for time and length, that's almost unheard of.
I can relate to the experience of the flight in the 747. Crossing from Chicago to Frankfurt every year in the summer made for some long flights. And I was a mere child at the age of 7 when they started. If you can imagine, yikes!
Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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These chapter are not fleshed out simply because I don't want them to be too lengthy during the rating process. I already have some good input which, hopefully, will make this more enjoyable. The experiences I tell about are too engender credibility for the future. I am on the Tao. John...
Comment from suneagle
An amazing chapter--took us from France to Saudi Arabia to the US, then to Australia. I'm glad you had fun in my homeland--at least you made me laugh.
Saudi Arabia certainly wasn't funny. That's one place I don't want to visit.
Anyway, some observations listed below:
I left the States in May[,] 1983.
Janine and my mom had a falling out during World War Two and she wound up in Paris and [got] pregnant.
(or ...had gotten pregnant.)
"Jean-Pierre Stachura[,]" I reply.
(You've suddenly changed tense.)
I had seen pictures. So I ask, "Ou est Cerise?" (Where is Cerise?")
(Why did you suddenly change to present tense here? And without a colon it should all be on one line as one sentence.)
The drive itself was wondrous.
(Back to past tense.)
We would go to meet with some mucky-muck in his office
(I guessed the meaning of "mucky-muck" when you used it earlier. However, I meant to suggest you mention it in your Author Notes. Your international readers may not understand it.)
(Hottest day while there was 141 degrees.)
(60.5 celsius. Wow! Your Author Notes could also include a conversion to Celsius for your international readers.)
After a few minutes, the Hall of Justice doors opened and a stream of young Saudis in uniform[ (probably early teenagers),] filed down the stairs and started to make a cordon of bodies framing the empty lot in an approximate square.
(Commas adjusted.)
Shortly thereafter, an older group of Saudis with grease guns shouldered
("grease guns" means nothing to me, unless they are used for lubricating wheels. Perhaps another Author Note.)
My knees buckled and I almost fell off the divider.
(I'm sure I would have been violently ill.)
(Taking off in a fully-loaded 747 with every seat taken for a sixteen and a quarter hour flight is quite an experience in itself. It took an agonizingly long time for takeoff.)
[Been there, done that. LOL]
I steeled myself to expect a long day.
(LOL)
There were tire marks on both banks [(from Land Rovers, probably),] and I weighed my options.
Nothing noteworthy in Adelaide, but fun to visit.
(Adelaide is called the 'city of churches' for good reasons.)
Barossa Valley is where most of Australia's food is grown.
(Oh, don't make me laugh again. Who told you that? I could tell you several more prominent food producing areas off the top of my head. It certainly is a major wine growing area, but your statement is incorrect--now and in the past.)
The valley reminded me much of my Belle France as a countryside.
(Probably the Murray Valley Highway, I guess.)
I had put 3300 miles on it in six days.
(Hmm, about average for touring Australia. Not many foreigners appreciate the distances in Australia.)
Well, you certainly packed a lot into this chapter. However, it pays to check your facts--somebody lied to you about the Barossa Valley. "Such is Life," Ned Kelly once said.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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An amazing chapter--took us from France to Saudi Arabia to the US, then to Australia. I'm glad you had fun in my homeland--at least you made me laugh.
Saudi Arabia certainly wasn't funny. That's one place I don't want to visit.
Anyway, some observations listed below:
I left the States in May[,] 1983.
Janine and my mom had a falling out during World War Two and she wound up in Paris and [got] pregnant.
(or ...had gotten pregnant.)
"Jean-Pierre Stachura[,]" I reply.
(You've suddenly changed tense.)
I had seen pictures. So I ask, "Ou est Cerise?" (Where is Cerise?")
(Why did you suddenly change to present tense here? And without a colon it should all be on one line as one sentence.)
The drive itself was wondrous.
(Back to past tense.)
We would go to meet with some mucky-muck in his office
(I guessed the meaning of "mucky-muck" when you used it earlier. However, I meant to suggest you mention it in your Author Notes. Your international readers may not understand it.)
(Hottest day while there was 141 degrees.)
(60.5 celsius. Wow! Your Author Notes could also include a conversion to Celsius for your international readers.)
After a few minutes, the Hall of Justice doors opened and a stream of young Saudis in uniform[ (probably early teenagers),] filed down the stairs and started to make a cordon of bodies framing the empty lot in an approximate square.
(Commas adjusted.)
Shortly thereafter, an older group of Saudis with grease guns shouldered
("grease guns" means nothing to me, unless they are used for lubricating wheels. Perhaps another Author Note.)
My knees buckled and I almost fell off the divider.
(I'm sure I would have been violently ill.)
(Taking off in a fully-loaded 747 with every seat taken for a sixteen and a quarter hour flight is quite an experience in itself. It took an agonizingly long time for takeoff.)
[Been there, done that. LOL]
I steeled myself to expect a long day.
(LOL)
There were tire marks on both banks [(from Land Rovers, probably),] and I weighed my options.
Nothing noteworthy in Adelaide, but fun to visit.
(Adelaide is called the 'city of churches' for good reasons.)
Barossa Valley is where most of Australia's food is grown.
(Oh, don't make me laugh again. Who told you that? I could tell you several more prominent food producing areas off the top of my head. It certainly is a major wine growing area, but your statement is incorrect--now and in the past.)
The valley reminded me much of my Belle France as a countryside.
(Probably the Murray Valley Highway, I guess.)
I had put 3300 miles on it in six days.
(Hmm, about average for touring Australia. Not many foreigners appreciate the distances in Australia.)
Well, you certainly packed a lot into this chapter. However, it pays to check your facts--somebody lied to you about the Barossa Valley. "Such is Life," Ned Kelly once said.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Thanks. We've only just begun.
Comment from Gianinas
A little overwhelming for me. After the description of the Saudi execution, I could not continue basically. After such gruesome scene, you might want to take time to write some comments. Something, anything to sooth the reader. Either compassion for the executed or viewer. It did captivate me with the multitude of cultures described, and I did learn a thing or two about these cultures. Just seemed too crude for my taste.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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A little overwhelming for me. After the description of the Saudi execution, I could not continue basically. After such gruesome scene, you might want to take time to write some comments. Something, anything to sooth the reader. Either compassion for the executed or viewer. It did captivate me with the multitude of cultures described, and I did learn a thing or two about these cultures. Just seemed too crude for my taste.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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There is nothing crude about truth in my mind. Thank you for the comments. John...
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I did not mean to use the word in any way in an offensive maner. I just was shocked. I actually used the word to mean raw truth. Have Fun!
