A Touch of Magic
Missed the contest deadline15 total reviews
Comment from minopavlic
I am impressed by the cleverness and simplicity of your short poem, which impresses upon the mind, more thought and emotion about unbridled friendship than could a thousand words. True friendship once in the heart is the greatest healing gift ever given to man
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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I am impressed by the cleverness and simplicity of your short poem, which impresses upon the mind, more thought and emotion about unbridled friendship than could a thousand words. True friendship once in the heart is the greatest healing gift ever given to man
No_obstacle
Comment Written 17-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the generous rating and sharing your comments. Greatly appreciated. John
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You're welcome
Comment from Fluffyhead
You got a knack for writing short stories. I Like the level of classiness an imagination used in your post. All the details are cute.Thank you for the read.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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You got a knack for writing short stories. I Like the level of classiness an imagination used in your post. All the details are cute.Thank you for the read.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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I've been doing the shorter stories of late just trying to tighten up my writing. I sometimes get wordy.... Glad you enjoyed, John
Comment from RJ
A great little story. I could feel the excitement and wonderment of being kissed by a stranger. A good twist with her birthday. Nothing to change that I could see. RJ
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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A great little story. I could feel the excitement and wonderment of being kissed by a stranger. A good twist with her birthday. Nothing to change that I could see. RJ
Comment Written 17-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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Not a bad birthday surprise... Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. It's always appreciated. John
Comment from EMB
What in the world is she doing kissing a perfect stranger, birthday or no birthday? LOL This was a weird one, in an artsy sort of way. It reads like part of a scene, instead of a scene, making readers wanting some kind of reaction from her or knowledge of who he was.
Interesting, to say the least.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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What in the world is she doing kissing a perfect stranger, birthday or no birthday? LOL This was a weird one, in an artsy sort of way. It reads like part of a scene, instead of a scene, making readers wanting some kind of reaction from her or knowledge of who he was.
Interesting, to say the least.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2013
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That was part of the mystery of having a stranger. He was a set-up by office co-workers. Thanks for reading and commenting. John
Comment from Walu Feral
A good little yarn mate. You were unlucky to have missed the deadline for the comp. I wish i could catch that same elevator and get a kiss from a stranger. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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A good little yarn mate. You were unlucky to have missed the deadline for the comp. I wish i could catch that same elevator and get a kiss from a stranger. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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A good little yarn... Awesome, I like that sentence. Are you Australian? Is yarn slang for... small, writing, stuff??? What?
Thank Fez for reading and commenting. Always appreciated
John
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Yep i am an Aussie mate. A yarn is a tale or a story in traditional Australian.
Comment from IndianaIrish
You're going to have to remember to set an alarm one hour before contest deadlines (I speak from experience LOL) I this is one fantastic sentence ... " He pressed his smile into her tired lips and breathed a touch of magic on her face." Yowzaaa!! I do think you need to explain the ending a bit more and maybe a speech tag ... he said.
I wish you didn't miss the deadline.
Smiles,
Spud :>)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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You're going to have to remember to set an alarm one hour before contest deadlines (I speak from experience LOL) I this is one fantastic sentence ... " He pressed his smile into her tired lips and breathed a touch of magic on her face." Yowzaaa!! I do think you need to explain the ending a bit more and maybe a speech tag ... he said.
I wish you didn't miss the deadline.
Smiles,
Spud :>)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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I didn't do the speech tag because of word count (100). You like that line huh?
As always Spud, thanks for reading and sharing thoughts, corrections and suggestions. Now go find that elevator!!!
JohnnyD
Comment from Spitfire
A great ending, but I think you need to make it clear why she would accept a kiss from a stranger. Also give her a name and some attribute that might explain it.
For example: Gretchen clutched her worn-out briefcase and sighed.
I don't understand why an elevator is lonely--maybe an empty elevator.
"There is" is not the best way to start a story, hook your reader.
Maybe-- To a homely middle-aged spinster, an empty elevator is lonely.
Paragraph two: delete "its tiny domain".
Also paragraph three: it's redundant to say he's confident. That's obvious.
To make it more plausible, you might add "paralyzed" after kiss.
Just some things to think about.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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A great ending, but I think you need to make it clear why she would accept a kiss from a stranger. Also give her a name and some attribute that might explain it.
For example: Gretchen clutched her worn-out briefcase and sighed.
I don't understand why an elevator is lonely--maybe an empty elevator.
"There is" is not the best way to start a story, hook your reader.
Maybe-- To a homely middle-aged spinster, an empty elevator is lonely.
Paragraph two: delete "its tiny domain".
Also paragraph three: it's redundant to say he's confident. That's obvious.
To make it more plausible, you might add "paralyzed" after kiss.
Just some things to think about.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Wow, lots to think about. Seriously, I appreciate the time you spent on my last two posts in regard to corrections & suggestions. Thank you, I will put them in play. John
Comment from Joannforsberg
Clap, clap, clap. Bravo! Love, love, love that ending. So wish you could have made that deadline. Yet no matter what this is a winning story and excellently crafted. Blessings, JO
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Clap, clap, clap. Bravo! Love, love, love that ending. So wish you could have made that deadline. Yet no matter what this is a winning story and excellently crafted. Blessings, JO
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Thank you JO for reading and commenting!! Your applause was super.?i appreciate your time. John
I read your last post cuz I got the message, but I had no clue how to interpret it do I backed off. Just wanted to let you know I read it. Unfortunately it was way out of my league...
Comment from Bina1
Wow! Did this take me somewhere unexpected! Great write, great twist at the end, and just a hoot! Thanks for sharing. Gotta get better with those deadlines! Bet this would have won!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Wow! Did this take me somewhere unexpected! Great write, great twist at the end, and just a hoot! Thanks for sharing. Gotta get better with those deadlines! Bet this would have won!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thank you Bina. I appreciate your reading my work and commenting on it. Sharing your thoughts makes the writing worth it. Then a generous six star, wow!!
Thank you .... John
Comment from Sasha
This is delightful. Sorry you missed the deadline for this prompt. Great imagery and fun story too. I think Evil Eddie was playing with your post. You may want to go back in and edit (delete) the crazy squiggles.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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This is delightful. Sorry you missed the deadline for this prompt. Great imagery and fun story too. I think Evil Eddie was playing with your post. You may want to go back in and edit (delete) the crazy squiggles.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thank you for your generous review and telling me about evil Eddie. How does that happen? John
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Sadly, we don't know why. It just happens and that's why we named him Evil Eddie. He sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
