Anguish
The pain when your love is not returned.3 total reviews
Comment from Zound
This says something unusual in the beginning, which basically describes being envious of yourself, for a state you previously held which is no longer attainable or maintainable. You brief mention that it is based on a misunderstanding but I would argue misconception or misperception. For you describe a lot of fighting, so perhaps the memory is compromised by an ideal...?
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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This says something unusual in the beginning, which basically describes being envious of yourself, for a state you previously held which is no longer attainable or maintainable. You brief mention that it is based on a misunderstanding but I would argue misconception or misperception. For you describe a lot of fighting, so perhaps the memory is compromised by an ideal...?
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello Shona. I had a little bit of a hard time understanding the first paragraph. There are some bumps of concepts which I don't really get. Perhaps, if we formatted and divided the poem a little, it could be less cumbersome. The first two lines are blurry' "Craving things you don't own hmm? The character isn't talking about herself is she ater all, in the second paragraph she refers that she is his through love.
"Is only left to swallow" I didn't get this.
The last two sentences were nicely hit though. I hope my input helps. Keep writing and good luck. Cheers.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Hello Shona. I had a little bit of a hard time understanding the first paragraph. There are some bumps of concepts which I don't really get. Perhaps, if we formatted and divided the poem a little, it could be less cumbersome. The first two lines are blurry' "Craving things you don't own hmm? The character isn't talking about herself is she ater all, in the second paragraph she refers that she is his through love.
"Is only left to swallow" I didn't get this.
The last two sentences were nicely hit though. I hope my input helps. Keep writing and good luck. Cheers.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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"Is only left to swallow"-Here I tried to say that this is the only option left to me and I have to accept it even if I dont will to
Comment from Otto Loewi
I was misled by the 5-7-5 subtitle up top. I thought this would be more like a haiku, not that it mattered. This was still enjoyable to read. The meter felt irregular, but the rhyming was pretty consistent. The meaning was also pretty clear, wanting what you can't have, the "what" being a significant other from a previously tumultuous relationship.
I'd fix a few of the rhymes, e.g. reminisces doesn't quite rhyme with causes. Same with blamed and lame. Those are just nitpicky comments though.
This was a find piece of work. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I was misled by the 5-7-5 subtitle up top. I thought this would be more like a haiku, not that it mattered. This was still enjoyable to read. The meter felt irregular, but the rhyming was pretty consistent. The meaning was also pretty clear, wanting what you can't have, the "what" being a significant other from a previously tumultuous relationship.
I'd fix a few of the rhymes, e.g. reminisces doesn't quite rhyme with causes. Same with blamed and lame. Those are just nitpicky comments though.
This was a find piece of work. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the review.
