From Then and there to Here and Now
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The next Ten Years (or so)"Life experiences
8 total reviews
Comment from suneagle
Good work. Enjoyable and entertaining memoir.
The first two strangers we met in this country set the tone for all future strangers in my mind[:] "A stranger is simply a friend I hadn't met."
(I love that saying. It's the greatest truism I've ever heard or read.)
Having a curious nature and loving to explore new things made me anxious about finding out what Chicago was all about.
(Notice the close repetition of "about". Perhaps a slight rephrasing to avoid it:
Having a curious nature and loving to explore new things made me anxious to find out what Chicago was all about.)
The second day I was here, I walked eleven miles to downtown. All kinds of new experiences were to be had.
(May I use these two sentences as examples of overly formal writing? You could simplify to more conversational:
I walked eleven miles to downtown on the second day. New experiences met me at every step.)
I still do crosswords today, [fifty-eight] years later.
It was still difficult for me to adjust, though, for the simple reason the work assigned was so simple and I had done it years before in France.
(Delete "though"--redundant word.)
I got hooked on science fiction and read all Heinlein, Pohl and the rest of the famous sci-fi authors of the day.
(We have that in common. At about the same age I was a member of the Melbourne Science Fiction Club.)
When I graduated from high school, I had no idea of what I would do.
(You could delete "of"--it is usually superfluous in that context.)
Me: ["Eighteen."]
Me: ["1A."]
I was still as playful as ever, though.
(Delete "though"--superfluous adverb.)
We married on November 6, 1965 and drove to New Orleans for [our] honeymoon.
(Use personal pronouns to maintain the conversational tone.)
Hey, John, I'll hit the next chapter when time permits.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Good work. Enjoyable and entertaining memoir.
The first two strangers we met in this country set the tone for all future strangers in my mind[:] "A stranger is simply a friend I hadn't met."
(I love that saying. It's the greatest truism I've ever heard or read.)
Having a curious nature and loving to explore new things made me anxious about finding out what Chicago was all about.
(Notice the close repetition of "about". Perhaps a slight rephrasing to avoid it:
Having a curious nature and loving to explore new things made me anxious to find out what Chicago was all about.)
The second day I was here, I walked eleven miles to downtown. All kinds of new experiences were to be had.
(May I use these two sentences as examples of overly formal writing? You could simplify to more conversational:
I walked eleven miles to downtown on the second day. New experiences met me at every step.)
I still do crosswords today, [fifty-eight] years later.
It was still difficult for me to adjust, though, for the simple reason the work assigned was so simple and I had done it years before in France.
(Delete "though"--redundant word.)
I got hooked on science fiction and read all Heinlein, Pohl and the rest of the famous sci-fi authors of the day.
(We have that in common. At about the same age I was a member of the Melbourne Science Fiction Club.)
When I graduated from high school, I had no idea of what I would do.
(You could delete "of"--it is usually superfluous in that context.)
Me: ["Eighteen."]
Me: ["1A."]
I was still as playful as ever, though.
(Delete "though"--superfluous adverb.)
We married on November 6, 1965 and drove to New Orleans for [our] honeymoon.
(Use personal pronouns to maintain the conversational tone.)
Hey, John, I'll hit the next chapter when time permits.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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You are truly helping a lot. Thanks again. John...
Comment from Sanku
Like the first chapter this also flows very smoothly and is very interesting .I liked your statement."A stranger is simply a friend I hadnt met .How sweet and I wish we could say the same now .SIgh. has n't the world changed?I would like to red the next.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Like the first chapter this also flows very smoothly and is very interesting .I liked your statement."A stranger is simply a friend I hadnt met .How sweet and I wish we could say the same now .SIgh. has n't the world changed?I would like to red the next.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thanks again. The next chapters are posted.
Comment from gotanenvoy
I enjoyed reading this chapter, it remined me of aspects of my life at age eighteen. You certainly have the knack of falling on your feet and indeed have the instincts of a true survivor.
I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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I enjoyed reading this chapter, it remined me of aspects of my life at age eighteen. You certainly have the knack of falling on your feet and indeed have the instincts of a true survivor.
I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2013
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I hope you are ready for a ride. I ask you to sincerely help my efforts to finish my life's work. All recommendations for improvement are welcome. Thanks, John...
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Communicating what I have experienced has not been easy for me. I will never be able to stop trying. Thanks...John
Comment from Taffspride
What another fascinating chapter. It must have been oh so difficult for you leaving everything you knew behind you, and going to a country where you could not even speak the language.
Your determination certainly does you credit.
One line in your work really stood out for me:
"A stranger is simply a friend I hadn't met."
What a wonderful way to look at life.
I am quite amazed at the way your life almost mirrored mine. Born in 44, married in 65. But there the similarity ends (I think)
I did not leave Wales until 1970 to emigrate to Canada. There our only problem was, that our high school French needed work. By the time we moved to the US, we were fluent, but we did not need it any more. Now we have lost it.
I am so looking forward to reading more of your story.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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What another fascinating chapter. It must have been oh so difficult for you leaving everything you knew behind you, and going to a country where you could not even speak the language.
Your determination certainly does you credit.
One line in your work really stood out for me:
"A stranger is simply a friend I hadn't met."
What a wonderful way to look at life.
I am quite amazed at the way your life almost mirrored mine. Born in 44, married in 65. But there the similarity ends (I think)
I did not leave Wales until 1970 to emigrate to Canada. There our only problem was, that our high school French needed work. By the time we moved to the US, we were fluent, but we did not need it any more. Now we have lost it.
I am so looking forward to reading more of your story.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 13-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2013
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I am busily occupied to continue this journey. I hope you follow. You should be aware that this all leads to self-discovery and will challenge all indoctrination, domestication and propaganda. Thanks, John...
Comment from Scribbler67
You've done it again! Another autobiographical chapter which didn't succeed in sending me to sleep. This was fascinating. I even read every word of the programming info, even though I could only get the gist of what you were talking about.
I love it when so-called 'superiors' get their come-uppance.
It's great to read a success story, and you tell this so well, without making too much of a big thing about it.
Once again, a pleasure to read. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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You've done it again! Another autobiographical chapter which didn't succeed in sending me to sleep. This was fascinating. I even read every word of the programming info, even though I could only get the gist of what you were talking about.
I love it when so-called 'superiors' get their come-uppance.
It's great to read a success story, and you tell this so well, without making too much of a big thing about it.
Once again, a pleasure to read. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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Upcoming is Vietnam and beyond. Hope you stick with me. Thanks, John...
Comment from Harv
the story starts out good could use some more show of action and detail of the main character- "I was excited about our new life." could talk about the reactions your body felt and give some insight to prove this point.
so over all after taking in the whole of the story there is a good writing mind but an impersonal touch as not enough is shown about the character that would make this all the more intriguing
again the pictures and emotions shared at the beginning of the story are a good view of what could continue
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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the story starts out good could use some more show of action and detail of the main character- "I was excited about our new life." could talk about the reactions your body felt and give some insight to prove this point.
so over all after taking in the whole of the story there is a good writing mind but an impersonal touch as not enough is shown about the character that would make this all the more intriguing
again the pictures and emotions shared at the beginning of the story are a good view of what could continue
Comment Written 12-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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Upcoming is Vietnam and beyond. Hope you stick with me. Thanks, John...
Comment from Kingsland
Are you going to continue this story of your life? I found this so very interesting. You have led a very colorful existence. You also brought back a few memories for me as I was born in the year 1947. So I can relate to those times directly. I really enjoyed reading about your life and times.i hope you'll write more on your life. Let me know if you are planning to do that, as I would like to read more... John
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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Are you going to continue this story of your life? I found this so very interesting. You have led a very colorful existence. You also brought back a few memories for me as I was born in the year 1947. So I can relate to those times directly. I really enjoyed reading about your life and times.i hope you'll write more on your life. Let me know if you are planning to do that, as I would like to read more... John
Comment Written 12-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
-
Upcoming is Vietnam and beyond. Hope you stick with me. Thanks, John...
Comment from L. Sherman
Your words are direct and to the point. And it's a lovely tale following the progression of so much of your life.
I could relate to the young years quite well, as I was born in Germany and when my family moved to the US I was about 5 and started kindergarten not knowing a word of English and never quite fitting it. I still don't think I do (ha!).
I appreciate that despite all the computer/programming jargon it's easy for a layperson to understand.
Overall, well done.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
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Your words are direct and to the point. And it's a lovely tale following the progression of so much of your life.
I could relate to the young years quite well, as I was born in Germany and when my family moved to the US I was about 5 and started kindergarten not knowing a word of English and never quite fitting it. I still don't think I do (ha!).
I appreciate that despite all the computer/programming jargon it's easy for a layperson to understand.
Overall, well done.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2013
-
Upcoming is Vietnam and beyond. Hope you stick with me. Thanks, John...
