The Almighty
luck is nothing but a blessing from the GOD.2 total reviews
Comment from jgemini
Nathan, your poem is supposed to be written in the 5-7-5 syllable per line form. That's the contest you entered. The 5-7-5 doesn't mean a count of words, Hon, it's the count of syllables. You have far too many in all three of your lines. I counted 12 in the 2nd line. Your poem doesn't fit the criteria, so it has no chance. But you can redo it, and reenter it in another contest, once you find (or fit) the proper form. Here is your piece:
for GOD has many faces -this line has 7 syllables,& should have 5
disguised as coincidence and luck he graces -this line has 12 syllables, should have 7
and vanishes without any traces -This line has 10 syllables, should have 5
I think you should consider scrapping the 5-7-5 form of poetry. Go click on poetry, then read about the various forms. Get familiar with them, then redo your poem in the form for which it is best suited. Good luck! And God's grace! :) We all have to plug away at the details to achieve anything of worth. Don't be discouraged.
Hang in there,
Jgemini :)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2013
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Nathan, your poem is supposed to be written in the 5-7-5 syllable per line form. That's the contest you entered. The 5-7-5 doesn't mean a count of words, Hon, it's the count of syllables. You have far too many in all three of your lines. I counted 12 in the 2nd line. Your poem doesn't fit the criteria, so it has no chance. But you can redo it, and reenter it in another contest, once you find (or fit) the proper form. Here is your piece:
for GOD has many faces -this line has 7 syllables,& should have 5
disguised as coincidence and luck he graces -this line has 12 syllables, should have 7
and vanishes without any traces -This line has 10 syllables, should have 5
I think you should consider scrapping the 5-7-5 form of poetry. Go click on poetry, then read about the various forms. Get familiar with them, then redo your poem in the form for which it is best suited. Good luck! And God's grace! :) We all have to plug away at the details to achieve anything of worth. Don't be discouraged.
Hang in there,
Jgemini :)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2013
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thanks a ton.....i am greatful for your help....i had been looking for the right word...for quite some time....but i believe the lord sent me the right word himself disguised as your message...thankyou god...thankyou jgemini..
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I'm brand new here, and quite overwhelmed with it all. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. I wanted to tell you that after I did your review, I realized that you need to check the criteria for your poem type. I think the number of syllables you used needs correction. I'm very happy to have brought a message of help to you, Nathan. God is good, indeed, and it's always a joy to meet another of His fans.
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that makes the 2 of us jgemini...i am also completely new here...and would be truly gretful if you could help me..with the correction...elaborate what needs to be done..please
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thanks a ton! i am in debt for your reviews...and will follow your advice...actually this was my first sort of poem..
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Nathan, it's my pleasure to help any newcomer who has an urge to write. I can relate, believe me. I had to study a good English Grammar & Composition: Complete Course Grade 12, to improve my writing. I highly recommend the one by John E Warriner. You can buy it USED (the new one is big bucks) from Amazon marketplace, $12, plus s & h. I read that Steven King used that one. Good sign, right? But seriously, if you love to write, you must do your homework to become proficient. If you love writing enough, you won't mind. If you don't love it enough, you'll find that out too. Either way, it's a good thing. Be well. -J :)
Comment from RWThompson
I love this Haiku, though I disagree with its message. It really made me stop to think deeply and attempt to see behind the prose. In my opinion well done, author.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2013
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I love this Haiku, though I disagree with its message. It really made me stop to think deeply and attempt to see behind the prose. In my opinion well done, author.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2013
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thankyou so much sir....i am obliged to your review...though i would be utmost greatful if you could enlighten me as to why you disagree with the message....so i could improve my skills in writing...thankyou once again sir..your review has been of utmost help..
