Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Most original to write about Adam and how he came to his fall. He and Eve are the lost sheep. I think at the end he tries to get back in His grace.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for readng and reviewing...I am so glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

reply by robina1978 on 09-Jan-2013

very nice and original

Comment from Perp Ihebom

Excellent

This is a nice piece of writing about the myth of creation as recorded in the Bible. I like the rich poetic form the story took in your creative hand. well done

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for readng and reviewing...I am so glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from visionary1234

Excellent

I like the (modern) human touch you give to this Adam - "I took an ego trip" indeed!

One question I do have, though, is your mixture of tenses ... eg everything's present tense up until:

Now I lay naked, exposed to myself, tainted,

For this piece, for immediacy, I'd love to see the telling worked completely in present tense. eg:

As the prince of darkness spoke(speaks),
his twisted words slithered(slither) around Eve`s heart
spreading seeds of doubt within our souls.
I did(do) not recoil, instead I chose (choose)
to have my eyes opened.

just a thought ... :)Sharyn

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Hi Sharyn,

I thank you for reading and reviewing...and I am glad you enjoyed it...I will definitely take a look at the words you are speaking about...present tense does sound better...blessings.

Comment from McMurry903

Excellent

This is a brilliant poem.Very creative in writing this from Adam's perspective. I agree with the powerful message you conveyed. Excellent work! Brian

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for readng and reviewing...I am so glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, idamarty, you did an excellent job writing this beautiful free verse poem about adam's fall from grace and the Savior Who came to sacrifice Himself for our sins. i give you a virtual six

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for readng and reviewing...I am so glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from Chanphy

Excellent

This is beautifully written. It is a sermon in itself, a sermon in poetic form. I really like that you have chosen to write this from Adam's point of view. I like how you have created a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning is the making of Adam. The middle is his sin, and the end is the way to get back into God's favor, through Jesus Christ. Great.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much Canphy, for your words...I truly appreciate them...blessings.

Comment from mauial

Excellent

Good poem on truth. Your focus on Adam is appropriate, because Eve was decieved. Adam on the other hand willingly disobeyed when Eve offered him the forbidden fruit. He should have known that God could have made him another wife. But alas he chose to disobey. Of course all of what he did will be undone because of the sacrifice of Jesus.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much mauial, for reading and reviewing...I am glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from steevie

Excellent

Your poem is accurate and concise about mankind's fall from favor when he willingly chose to disobey the creator. It was through Adam that all man now sins but the redeemer has made an exchange with his perfect human body as sacrifice of our sins

well done

steve

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for readng and reviewing Steve...I am glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

reply by steevie on 09-Jan-2013

You're very welcome
its a pleasure
steve

Comment from Titanx9

Excellent

This is simply beautiful and worthy of six stars, but the system will not allow it. You have fashioned a masterpiece with a perfect depiction of Eden and Adam's and Eve's ensuing fall from grace. The second stanza is the height of creative.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for your wonderful words Titanx9...I truly appreciate them...blessings.

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

You had me with the opening line: I am a man, formed from the earth ....


Beautifully written: you've pretty much covered the redemption story from Paradise Lost to regained!

A great piece. Bless you, my dear.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing...I am so glad you enjoyed it...blessings.