senryu (he appeared)
The Gift of Presence?34 total reviews
Comment from MelissaBickel
What a great senryu. I wish I had a six for you. This captures the spirit of the senryu well. Loved the photo with this one
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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What a great senryu. I wish I had a six for you. This captures the spirit of the senryu well. Loved the photo with this one
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Thanks Mel, most appreciate your thoughtful review and yes I did feel this captured the senryu meaning well, AND in that stupid syllable count! *smirk*
I must admit, I have been writing them so long in the 575 format I am finding it hard to break tradition.
The book taught me Soooooooooooo much.
Anyways, Merry Xmas and seasons good tidings my friend.
Cheers Phillippa
xoxo
Comment from donaldww
This is a excellent senryu. Perfect double meaning of wearing out a welcome.
he appeared on my
front door mat so many times
he wore out WELCOME
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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This is a excellent senryu. Perfect double meaning of wearing out a welcome.
he appeared on my
front door mat so many times
he wore out WELCOME
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much DW. I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from amarherig14
This is satiric and funny. I heard about people like that.They show up without any idea that people need privacy or may have plans. Uninvited guests ,how bad is that? Loved the theme for I am against it.The art used is a plus to your poem.Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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This is satiric and funny. I heard about people like that.They show up without any idea that people need privacy or may have plans. Uninvited guests ,how bad is that? Loved the theme for I am against it.The art used is a plus to your poem.Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Many thanks and yes there are plenty of people like that however this was NOT a bio. LOL
I appreciate your review, thankyou.
Comment from rama devi
Good one - clever presentation as well. Good pun on WELCOME as a written word and a social comment. This brought an ironic chuckle. Good flow between lines. Normally I would recommend fewer filler words in senryu style poetry but in this case it works well to give a conversational overtone. Brilliant. Strong contender.
Good luck.
Nice alliteration of W in last line. Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Good one - clever presentation as well. Good pun on WELCOME as a written word and a social comment. This brought an ironic chuckle. Good flow between lines. Normally I would recommend fewer filler words in senryu style poetry but in this case it works well to give a conversational overtone. Brilliant. Strong contender.
Good luck.
Nice alliteration of W in last line. Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Thankyou RD, most appreciated. Your editing expertise ALWAYS WELCOME my friend.
Cheers
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Aw, thanks. Blessings, rd
Comment from mystery poet
I like this one very much. A simple subject
that we all are familiar with therefore
making a big impression on the reader. That
is important with the senryu and haiku forms.
Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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I like this one very much. A simple subject
that we all are familiar with therefore
making a big impression on the reader. That
is important with the senryu and haiku forms.
Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much, I appreciate your thoughtful review.
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It's a pleasure!
Comment from Curly Girly
Well - this is funny. I think we have all had people like this! Sometimes you just have to tell them loud and clear what you really think... CG
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Well - this is funny. I think we have all had people like this! Sometimes you just have to tell them loud and clear what you really think... CG
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much and from one CG to another, I very much appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from Craigitar
Humorous little poem/senryu that flows well and has proper syllable count. I like the play on wearing out one's welcome and the wear on the door mat. Good job and luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Humorous little poem/senryu that flows well and has proper syllable count. I like the play on wearing out one's welcome and the wear on the door mat. Good job and luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much, I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from Joan E.
Hmmm--at first I thought you were referring to a stray cat or dog, but on re-reading I realized the "welcome" would be directed at a person! Subtle!! I liked your use of reinforcement with the picture and the alliteration as well. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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Hmmm--at first I thought you were referring to a stray cat or dog, but on re-reading I realized the "welcome" would be directed at a person! Subtle!! I liked your use of reinforcement with the picture and the alliteration as well. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
Comment Written 19-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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LOL sorry for the confusion but no cats and dogs in this one. I appreciate your thoughtful review Joan.
Happy Holidays and Merry Xmas.
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No, the mis-reading was mine. (It should have said "re-reading" in my review, and I have corrected the typo.) Happy holidays and the best new year ever! -Joan
Comment from Zinnia48
This is very clever. I love the double entendre of that last line--it was unexpected and made me laugh! Great story told well in a limited space! Caroline
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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This is very clever. I love the double entendre of that last line--it was unexpected and made me laugh! Great story told well in a limited space! Caroline
Comment Written 19-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2012
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What lovely comments, thanks so much, I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from Connie C
What a clever one you are. I like the touch of humor here, as I can
think of a few people in my lifetime who just might have worn out
the old welcome mat. I don't know why I'm noticing this, but it appears
that the person who visited too many times and stood on the mat
in your picture must have put more weight on his left side. Silly me
to notice this, huh?
This is a perfect entry for this contest, one worthy of being published
in Prune Juice or an anthology perhaps. My best to you in the contest.
Connie
xoxoxo
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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What a clever one you are. I like the touch of humor here, as I can
think of a few people in my lifetime who just might have worn out
the old welcome mat. I don't know why I'm noticing this, but it appears
that the person who visited too many times and stood on the mat
in your picture must have put more weight on his left side. Silly me
to notice this, huh?
This is a perfect entry for this contest, one worthy of being published
in Prune Juice or an anthology perhaps. My best to you in the contest.
Connie
xoxoxo
Comment Written 19-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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Haha...thankyou and yes this guy does seem a bit chunky in the left leg area. Probably the thighs! Thats wear all the extra weight goes in the legs, even on the guys.
Thanks for a super review and oh yes, I am ACTUALLY a published author now...haven't cracked PruneJuice yet though...my first submission got the old REJECTION SLIP...but I expected that.
I must admit, some of the ones I read in there I don't even know how they made it in, let alone do I even get them.
Perhaps my basic Aussie humour is just that. Too basic.
Not to worry. No rejection slip is gonna hold me back. LOL
Cheers and thanks kind poet
xoxoxo
