Fire
It talks about how our past defines us and gets the best of us6 total reviews
Comment from Kazi Shafia Maisha
Wow! This 5-7-5 poem is really good. Adding the picture made it seem moving. Yet, I really felt that it lacked a little charisma. Please don't get mad at me. I'm only trying to help you. Anyway, I wrote a 5-7-5 poem, too, and I hope you can read it. Thank you if you are! :)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Wow! This 5-7-5 poem is really good. Adding the picture made it seem moving. Yet, I really felt that it lacked a little charisma. Please don't get mad at me. I'm only trying to help you. Anyway, I wrote a 5-7-5 poem, too, and I hope you can read it. Thank you if you are! :)
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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No criticism is welcome! And ill read yours, thank you for the thoughtful review !! :)
Comment from October21
Inpact----- should be: impact
Burnign----- should be: burning
In your description, defines is spelt as defins.
Otherwise great job on expressing how the past effects us:)
Have a lovely Xmas!!:)
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
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Inpact----- should be: impact
Burnign----- should be: burning
In your description, defines is spelt as defins.
Otherwise great job on expressing how the past effects us:)
Have a lovely Xmas!!:)
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
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Sorry I was rewriting in the last 3 minutes of my l.a. class and thank you for your review
Comment from Joan E.
Welcome to FanStory--I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership. I enjoyed your poem and its rhymes. (You might want to rework it for this contest, which requires the syllable count to be 5, 7 and 5 again: something like "destruction's your path/you invariably get lashed/fire burns from past".) Best wishes- Joan
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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Welcome to FanStory--I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership. I enjoyed your poem and its rhymes. (You might want to rework it for this contest, which requires the syllable count to be 5, 7 and 5 again: something like "destruction's your path/you invariably get lashed/fire burns from past".) Best wishes- Joan
Comment Written 19-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much !
Comment from adewpearl
You've misunderstood the rules for the 5/7/5 contest - you have counted words instead of counting syllables
I like your use us proximate rhyme with path/lashed/past
and excellent use of imagery
The 4 rating is for the break with proper form, not for the poem itself
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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You've misunderstood the rules for the 5/7/5 contest - you have counted words instead of counting syllables
I like your use us proximate rhyme with path/lashed/past
and excellent use of imagery
The 4 rating is for the break with proper form, not for the poem itself
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 18-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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Oh, I see thank you, you can see I'm definitely a newbie at this.
Thank you for catching my error.
Comment from Treischel
Tightly written example of how effective the simple 5-7-5 format can be. It makes a powerful impression on the never ending destructiveness of war. Very nicely done!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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Tightly written example of how effective the simple 5-7-5 format can be. It makes a powerful impression on the never ending destructiveness of war. Very nicely done!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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thank you
Comment from Ekim777
Neatly done, the pain that rises from the ashes of war. The real message is, why do we need suffer and die for meaningless symbols and extinct deeds. Man indeed nourishes a death drive. Destruction need not be our only path. There is a harder way, beginning with awareness of reality and pursuing change. Let the fires of the past die down to ashes. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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Neatly done, the pain that rises from the ashes of war. The real message is, why do we need suffer and die for meaningless symbols and extinct deeds. Man indeed nourishes a death drive. Destruction need not be our only path. There is a harder way, beginning with awareness of reality and pursuing change. Let the fires of the past die down to ashes. -Ekim777
Comment Written 18-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
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an amazing perseption thank you
