Persistent
Creepy admirer.30 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
it's certainly a creepy one. nicely paced and the manipulation is sadly well-wrought out.in the hand carved bowl - I'd hyphenate hand-carved here.
But he was too cloistering.- cloistering feels a little off here.
Get the fuck away from me, you clingy bastard. - maybe italicise this.
Leno's G rated monologue -maybe hyphenate G-rated.
One thing I did notice is the feeling of it being a little dated with mentioning home & work phones but no cell phone. - this makes the ending part a little off as well.
In everyone's' eyes, - only one apostrophe needed.
Earth to Sasha, he a psycho - he's.
the hide a key out - maybe hyphenate hide-a-key.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2023
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Hi there,
it's certainly a creepy one. nicely paced and the manipulation is sadly well-wrought out.in the hand carved bowl - I'd hyphenate hand-carved here.
But he was too cloistering.- cloistering feels a little off here.
Get the fuck away from me, you clingy bastard. - maybe italicise this.
Leno's G rated monologue -maybe hyphenate G-rated.
One thing I did notice is the feeling of it being a little dated with mentioning home & work phones but no cell phone. - this makes the ending part a little off as well.
In everyone's' eyes, - only one apostrophe needed.
Earth to Sasha, he a psycho - he's.
the hide a key out - maybe hyphenate hide-a-key.
All the best
G
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2023
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Thank you so much for the detailed help. Always appreciated. I'm glad you liked it. Gretchen
Comment from w.j.debi
How scary that Parker is so manipulative that no one seems to believe that he could be a stalker. Krista is getting no support from friends or family when she lets them know her fears. Her co-workers are clueless as to the danger. They should not have taken her home. Why didn't they listen?!!
Poor Krista.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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How scary that Parker is so manipulative that no one seems to believe that he could be a stalker. Krista is getting no support from friends or family when she lets them know her fears. Her co-workers are clueless as to the danger. They should not have taken her home. Why didn't they listen?!!
Poor Krista.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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Poor Krista indeed. Stalking is such a hard crime to prove. Thanks so much. Gretchen
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very creepy. I am afraid Parker is going to actually hurt her or maybe kill her. He is a very dangerous person. Thank you for reposting it. I missed it the first time around. This is very well written.
The next day more messages. (The following day)
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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This is very creepy. I am afraid Parker is going to actually hurt her or maybe kill her. He is a very dangerous person. Thank you for reposting it. I missed it the first time around. This is very well written.
The next day more messages. (The following day)
Comment Written 19-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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Thank you so much. Krista is in danger for sure. Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from papa55mike
Can you say, stalker? Her friends should've pointed that out no matter how cute he is. What a wonderfully written story that has a nice edge. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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Can you say, stalker? Her friends should've pointed that out no matter how cute he is. What a wonderfully written story that has a nice edge. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 19-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Stalking is a wildly under investigated crime. Scary. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Parker Tinsley is such a creepy freak. Your plot is believable and horrifying... I love it! The ending was the scariest. What happend next? I want to know more but it's a perfect ending for a horror story. The worst was that none of her friends believed her... not even her mother. Great Halloween story. You are an exceptional writer.
Get the fuck away from me, you clingy bastard.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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Parker Tinsley is such a creepy freak. Your plot is believable and horrifying... I love it! The ending was the scariest. What happend next? I want to know more but it's a perfect ending for a horror story. The worst was that none of her friends believed her... not even her mother. Great Halloween story. You are an exceptional writer.
Get the fuck away from me, you clingy bastard.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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First thing that I would have said. Lol. Thanks so much! Gretchent
Comment from Sanku
But at the end he still appears to be someone deeply in love. Not anyone with criminal intention.Or we don't know how hhe will turn out .
In my city there has been two brutal incidents .in one, the boy hacked the girl to death because she was not reciprocating.
in the second incident ,the boy came to her apt and begged her mother to allow her just to talk to her for a few mts. As soon as she came out, he took a can of kerosene that he had kept away from the main door and threw it in her and her mother and struck a match .Both the mother and daughter died of burns...
I have never heard of such incidents as i was growing up .May be because society was too strict and boys and girls were not going out together...
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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But at the end he still appears to be someone deeply in love. Not anyone with criminal intention.Or we don't know how hhe will turn out .
In my city there has been two brutal incidents .in one, the boy hacked the girl to death because she was not reciprocating.
in the second incident ,the boy came to her apt and begged her mother to allow her just to talk to her for a few mts. As soon as she came out, he took a can of kerosene that he had kept away from the main door and threw it in her and her mother and struck a match .Both the mother and daughter died of burns...
I have never heard of such incidents as i was growing up .May be because society was too strict and boys and girls were not going out together...
Comment Written 18-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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I think Krista was pretty straight forward. He was in her house without permission. He was a creep. Lol. Threatening or not. Thanks for this. Gretchen
Comment from Pantygynt
What better way to start than with a mystery. I was hooked from the beginning. I know this is a revised story, a blast from the past. Things like the answer phone give those clues but these days would his behaviour be considered 'stalking'? To be honest I am not sure how anyone meets anybody any more, and are they not terrified of being named as a sex pest ten years later? Thank goodness I am too old for those games but should I be worried about a bit of heavy petting I did in the back row of the cinema back1n 1959?
This is a splendidly frustrating tale to read with no proper ending, which is just fine even if it is frustrating. How about I call hyou tonight to find out how it ends.
P.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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What better way to start than with a mystery. I was hooked from the beginning. I know this is a revised story, a blast from the past. Things like the answer phone give those clues but these days would his behaviour be considered 'stalking'? To be honest I am not sure how anyone meets anybody any more, and are they not terrified of being named as a sex pest ten years later? Thank goodness I am too old for those games but should I be worried about a bit of heavy petting I did in the back row of the cinema back1n 1959?
This is a splendidly frustrating tale to read with no proper ending, which is just fine even if it is frustrating. How about I call hyou tonight to find out how it ends.
P.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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I don't even know how it ends. Honestly, I don't even remember writing it. Lol. Thank you for the awesome review and the stellar rating. Gretchen
Comment from JSD
Definitely creepy Gretchen. She needs to call the police. You write it with relentlessness, like his persistence. Just never-ending. Not a nice read, but thank you for sharing it. Honestly! Men!
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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Definitely creepy Gretchen. She needs to call the police. You write it with relentlessness, like his persistence. Just never-ending. Not a nice read, but thank you for sharing it. Honestly! Men!
Comment Written 18-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2023
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I knew a woman who was a stalker. She hounded this poor guy to no end. He was happily engaged and she would harass him and his fiancee. Terrible. Just didn't occur to her that he wasn't interested. Weird and creepy. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
She put up with a lot and should have asked for an AVO from the police. It is scary and creepy because he is totally obsessive and crazy and that will not stop until .... Very well written.
Wendy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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She put up with a lot and should have asked for an AVO from the police. It is scary and creepy because he is totally obsessive and crazy and that will not stop until .... Very well written.
Wendy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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Thank you. Stalkers are scary, scary people. Thank you for this excellent review. And the six. Gretchen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is by far your creepiest story ever, very scary. Her friends know who he is, but that probably won't keep her alive. As bad as he is now, if he doesn't kill her but convinces her she can't get away, she could be under his thumb for years. Have a neighbor like him. He is scary as hell. His wife and two almost adult kids can't leave the house without permission. They also don't want to be saved, but are now living in a tiny motor home somewhere because he has "found God."
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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This is by far your creepiest story ever, very scary. Her friends know who he is, but that probably won't keep her alive. As bad as he is now, if he doesn't kill her but convinces her she can't get away, she could be under his thumb for years. Have a neighbor like him. He is scary as hell. His wife and two almost adult kids can't leave the house without permission. They also don't want to be saved, but are now living in a tiny motor home somewhere because he has "found God."
Comment Written 17-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2023
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I agree, ghosts and witches are made up. Nobody gets hurt. But a stalker, that's scary. Sorry for your old neighbors family. A lot of people have been taught to be scared of the outside world. The obsessive controller manipulates things to show how the real world will hurt them. They become the protectors. If they only knew there is help out there. Sad. Thank you for this. Gretchen
