All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Red Velvet Moment"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
60 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
This has got to be you, Sharyn. Even stage directions of a sort in A.N. The inner and outer voice of a performer with a bit of stagefright. Love the image of a red velvet moment.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
  |
This has got to be you, Sharyn. Even stage directions of a sort in A.N. The inner and outer voice of a performer with a bit of stagefright. Love the image of a red velvet moment.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
Moi? "a bit"?
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with an uplifting flow of words, making for an enchanting read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
This is very well written with an uplifting flow of words, making for an enchanting read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
thx charlie!
-
You're welcome.
Comment from donaldww
Very colourfully presented free verse poem, which I read as the extreme babbling of an extroverted female tart, anticipating an assignation of some kind. Perhaps a date?
I'm not sure why the poem gets split into shorter and shorter lines as it progresses, culminating in a word tower of hanoi. If this were read at a slam poetry event, as suggested, then having the lines in more readable lines would be preferable and easier to deal with. As it stands, it is like asking a human to read a piano roll or dead sea scroll.
I think the poem works wonderfully--as a poem--, but the extended format works against the kind of exciting recitation that I think the poet envisages.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
Very colourfully presented free verse poem, which I read as the extreme babbling of an extroverted female tart, anticipating an assignation of some kind. Perhaps a date?
I'm not sure why the poem gets split into shorter and shorter lines as it progresses, culminating in a word tower of hanoi. If this were read at a slam poetry event, as suggested, then having the lines in more readable lines would be preferable and easier to deal with. As it stands, it is like asking a human to read a piano roll or dead sea scroll.
I think the poem works wonderfully--as a poem--, but the extended format works against the kind of exciting recitation that I think the poet envisages.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
oh you stick-in-the-mud DW! remember it slows ... down ... at the end ...
dear
Written that way so any actor reading it would automatically do it with the pauses and lengthening in right places, though I know it looks a little
odd
on
the
page! :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Comment from el twelve
that was nicely done, emotions definitely, I was reading faster just to see what was going to happen and felt it all,
good work, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
that was nicely done, emotions definitely, I was reading faster just to see what was going to happen and felt it all,
good work, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
THX SO MUCH L12!
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
Wow! I loved it. Sort of reminds me of when I was in the entertainment business! When I hit the stage, I performed, and I just actually became another person! Strange! You painted a great word picture here! Thanks! Cletus Hardiman ( Clete )
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
Wow! I loved it. Sort of reminds me of when I was in the entertainment business! When I hit the stage, I performed, and I just actually became another person! Strange! You painted a great word picture here! Thanks! Cletus Hardiman ( Clete )
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
you got it, Cletus! what did you do??
-
I was once ( a good while ago ) living and working in Nashville, Tennessee and was a singer / musician / entertainer up there. I did some television in Nashville, and guest shots in other places as I worked my way around the country. It was fun and it made you feel good about yourself, but that life will kill you! Literally! It was not for me, so I got out! I did all types of music. Everyone thinks if you were in Nashville that you did Country. Well, I did. But, mostly what would be called "classic rock" of the time, R & B. and Pop. I played the guitar, bass, piano and drums. I also sang and had a record in the top 10 ( actually # 7 ) and then it went back down the ladder! LOL Take care! Clete
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. Stage fright happens to every one. You go through a gambit of emotions in a short time. The you get on stage and perform. Every thing is right again.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
I love the picture. I love the poem. Stage fright happens to every one. You go through a gambit of emotions in a short time. The you get on stage and perform. Every thing is right again.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
thx elliejean!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
When I watch singers, actors, musicians, etc., perform flawlessly and confidently on stage, I wonder how many of them went through what you've described here! The word choices and line arrangements in this poem align with the onslaught of emotions expressed.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
When I watch singers, actors, musicians, etc., perform flawlessly and confidently on stage, I wonder how many of them went through what you've described here! The word choices and line arrangements in this poem align with the onslaught of emotions expressed.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
thx Janice - people like Barbra Streisand & Judy Garland say/said it never goes away!
Comment from megg_2020
Very fitting for this contest as it took the reader right along with poem and made your heart skip a beat or two. Very well done, I enjoyed this immensely. Best of luck in the contest. Happy writing. Blessed Be.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
Very fitting for this contest as it took the reader right along with poem and made your heart skip a beat or two. Very well done, I enjoyed this immensely. Best of luck in the contest. Happy writing. Blessed Be.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
thx Meg - people like Barbra Streisand & Judy Garland say/said it never goes away!
Comment from jaydub99
Wonderful cadence and flow to this poem. As I read it the words popped and easily moved along the path. I liked that you took on the emotions of terror and ecstasy. I thought it was a unique and interesting take on the prompt. You have a lot of talent. This was really fun to read and it captured your emotion and feelings well. Bravo.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
Wonderful cadence and flow to this poem. As I read it the words popped and easily moved along the path. I liked that you took on the emotions of terror and ecstasy. I thought it was a unique and interesting take on the prompt. You have a lot of talent. This was really fun to read and it captured your emotion and feelings well. Bravo.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
thx somuch, Jay! :)
Comment from GE Parson
I have no idea what emotion this poem was about. At first I thought it was about some one losing their purity and was afraid they wouldn't satisfy the lover or wouldn't be satisfied him/herself. Then I pictures some one going on stage to sing or act out a drama before a very large crowd and was scared to peeing fright...
...but actually I don't care what this poem was about, I just read it to earn t points and member cents.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
|
I have no idea what emotion this poem was about. At first I thought it was about some one losing their purity and was afraid they wouldn't satisfy the lover or wouldn't be satisfied him/herself. Then I pictures some one going on stage to sing or act out a drama before a very large crowd and was scared to peeing fright...
...but actually I don't care what this poem was about, I just read it to earn t points and member cents.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
-
Then you need to go re-read your Six Fingering Principles, my dear - starting with Number Six ... and correct your spelling of "index" while you're at it, ok?
