Animated Stills
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "haiku (uprooted)"Inspiration of Life from Photographs
9 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
the whole world is changed
reality slips away
feel so uprooted
Treischel, in a haiku or senryu the shortest means possible is offered. This means leaving out such words as "the".
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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the whole world is changed
reality slips away
feel so uprooted
Treischel, in a haiku or senryu the shortest means possible is offered. This means leaving out such words as "the".
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the information. I've found I've much to learn about Haiku and Senryu
Will avoid them in favor of 5-7-5 in near future.
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Oh don't do that. There is no such thing as a 5/7/5 poem except on this site. I think they did it for those who felt they could not write a senryu or a haiku.
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OK, I'll try again. I'm just frustrated by all the hidden rules. Guess I just have to keep trying and learn.
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That's more like it.
Comment from RJ
A nice poem following the Haiku style. It seems that the older I get I continue to see many changes in the world, and changes that are hard to keep up with. I saw nothing to change. Good luck in the contest. RJ
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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A nice poem following the Haiku style. It seems that the older I get I continue to see many changes in the world, and changes that are hard to keep up with. I saw nothing to change. Good luck in the contest. RJ
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the review RJ. Looks like I'm getting no votes.
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I think there were several good poems this time. Keep up the good work.
Comment from Galactia
Great litle Senryu but not a Haiku i'm afraid. ,
Also line i is down a syllable count.
Lovedthe lastline (feel so uprooted) very cleaverword play.
the world is changed 4
reality slips away 7
feel so uprooted 5
Good luck in the contest
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Great litle Senryu but not a Haiku i'm afraid. ,
Also line i is down a syllable count.
Lovedthe lastline (feel so uprooted) very cleaverword play.
the world is changed 4
reality slips away 7
feel so uprooted 5
Good luck in the contest
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. It looks 'uprooted'. I love the poem. Children can fill uprooted quite a lot. The stages of their life means they go through changes pretty fast. Great work.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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I love the picture. It looks 'uprooted'. I love the poem. Children can fill uprooted quite a lot. The stages of their life means they go through changes pretty fast. Great work.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the nice review.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello. Nice choice of words to describe the picture. Great job with the poem. You should put this sign up with the tree stump so everyone else can see it. Everyone would get a real hoot. Great job and good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Hello. Nice choice of words to describe the picture. Great job with the poem. You should put this sign up with the tree stump so everyone else can see it. Everyone would get a real hoot. Great job and good luck.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Great idea. Thanks for the review Benjamin
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hi writer,
Oh dear... using one "ing" word is frowned on in writing haiku. But three? No way. I did like your thoughts though, and this would make a great 5/7/5 poem (where there are no other guidelines except for syllable count) but a haiku is a special kind of poetry with many guidelines. The 5/7/5 syllable count is only one of them. Your picture choice went very well with your poem. Best wishes, W ^-^
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Hi writer,
Oh dear... using one "ing" word is frowned on in writing haiku. But three? No way. I did like your thoughts though, and this would make a great 5/7/5 poem (where there are no other guidelines except for syllable count) but a haiku is a special kind of poetry with many guidelines. The 5/7/5 syllable count is only one of them. Your picture choice went very well with your poem. Best wishes, W ^-^
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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The rules need to be laid out better. This is BS. First, the prompt doesn't mention anything about this. I went the Poetry Dance, and it mentioned nothing. I refuse to be judged by invisible rules. Fix the instructions. This is TOTALLY unfair.
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I agree with you 100%. If FanStory wants a 5/7/5 poem they should ask for that and if they want a haiku they should lay out the guidelines for a haiku clearly. I hope you understand what a position this puts the person who is commenting on your poem in. I was torn between not speaking out at all and sending no review or speaking honestly and letting you know your poem did not follow haiku guidelines. I did not mean to hurt your feelings. My apologies. My lower rating does not reflect any disrespect to your poetic talent. When I first started writing haiku I received many low ratings but since taking the haiku classes offered here on FanStory, my haiku writing has improved. I am thankful now to those who spoke out and helped me to understand what I was doing that was incorrect. At first I didn't know what a beautiful but precise form of poetry haiku really is. Hope this helps. With warm regards, W ^-^
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Sorry for taking my frustration out on you. I do appreciate the feedback and have changes the submission. It's just, first I needed to fix the format of the title, then someone tells me I can't use capitals, then you come in with the ing. Nothing told me about any of that. I thought I was following the rules. Hopefully I'm ok now.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your haiku is very well written and timely. I know the feeling so well as you depict it here. Great contest entry! Good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Your haiku is very well written and timely. I know the feeling so well as you depict it here. Great contest entry! Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the good review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
the world is changing
reality is slipping
feeling uprooted
I like your haiku and the picture is quite remarkable..
a good entry for the contest - good luck to you.
Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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the world is changing
reality is slipping
feeling uprooted
I like your haiku and the picture is quite remarkable..
a good entry for the contest - good luck to you.
Margaret
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the nice review.
Comment from janalma
Very nice haiku. You have taken the human condition side in this one, instead of nature. I like it and agree with it. One thing, tho--I think in haiku you shouldn't capitalize at all. This is just offered as a suggestion to give it a better chance. There are many rules and boy are they easy to break. Lol.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Very nice haiku. You have taken the human condition side in this one, instead of nature. I like it and agree with it. One thing, tho--I think in haiku you shouldn't capitalize at all. This is just offered as a suggestion to give it a better chance. There are many rules and boy are they easy to break. Lol.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Boy, I don't see that in the prompt, or the Poetry Dance, but if that's the case, I'll fix it.
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Boy, I don't see that in the prompt, or the Poetry Dance, but if that's the case, I'll fix it.
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I have seen many critiques of these by the resident expert, Alvin Ethington--and little capitalization, few punctuation marks, no personalization of nature--among many other no-no's apply. Of course, names of people and places can be capitalized. Most readers won't care but there are many purists on here, and they do. Best of luck to you in this contest.
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Thanks for the heads up, I made the change.
