Metaphorical Seas
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Out on some borderline - VI"a series of blank impressions
22 total reviews
Comment from Angels27
A very thought provoking deep read. It makes the reader go through a different gamut of emotions. The rhyme scheme and the use of metaphors is very smooth in the poem. Enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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A very thought provoking deep read. It makes the reader go through a different gamut of emotions. The rhyme scheme and the use of metaphors is very smooth in the poem. Enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello there
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement: I will use both wisely.
I wish you well with your own writing too
cheers
phill
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, this is a magnificent blank verse poem! The alliteration is wonderful, as is the vivid description and use of metaphor. I am extremely impressed, also, by the rhyme you have incorporated without affecting the form's restriction. Lovely imagery evoked and the flow is rhythmic. An exceptional poem.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Wow, this is a magnificent blank verse poem! The alliteration is wonderful, as is the vivid description and use of metaphor. I am extremely impressed, also, by the rhyme you have incorporated without affecting the form's restriction. Lovely imagery evoked and the flow is rhythmic. An exceptional poem.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello
Thank you.
I am encouraged that you enjoyed this.
I can only wish you well in your own writing and assure you that I do not take your kindness for granted.
Warm regards
phill
Comment from rjuselius
this is an interesting piece of poetry! i'm don't know how the structure works, but it isn't the easiest read. but that's just because i have trouble reading long poems due to limited english.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contesT!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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this is an interesting piece of poetry! i'm don't know how the structure works, but it isn't the easiest read. but that's just because i have trouble reading long poems due to limited english.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contesT!
rebekka x
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello Rebekka
Thank you for making the effort - I appreciate your difficulty and I find your words encouraging.
I wish you well with your own writing.
cheers
phill
Comment from mystery poet
Wasn't sure what a blank verse poem was until
I checked on it. This has all the attributes
and the flow is very nice. Not sure the ending
stanza, but sounds like she did suicide...Hope not.
Best to you in contest!
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Wasn't sure what a blank verse poem was until
I checked on it. This has all the attributes
and the flow is very nice. Not sure the ending
stanza, but sounds like she did suicide...Hope not.
Best to you in contest!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello there
Thank you for the kind review.
I leave it on you to decide how it ends. Maybe she did - maybe she did not.
Either way, I am glad you stopped by and I thank you for the encouragement.
I wish you well with your writing
cheers
phill
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It is a wish!
And, of course it's a pleasure.
Comment from Peter Mansson
Hi Phill, once again another brilliant work of art from your pen, loaded with rich imagery, clever alliteration and assonance. Each line almost a poem in itself and a joy to read over. Blank Verse as opposed to Free Verse is so difficult, but I think you have mastered it. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hi Phill, once again another brilliant work of art from your pen, loaded with rich imagery, clever alliteration and assonance. Each line almost a poem in itself and a joy to read over. Blank Verse as opposed to Free Verse is so difficult, but I think you have mastered it. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello Peter
I thank you for your encouragement.
I do think it is 'work' but not necessarily 'hard' work. If, everyday, you pick up a calf, one day you pick up a cow; just exercise Peter. Blank verse is a great exercise for any one who writes I think: I recall I used to write memos in blank verse when I was an office-wallah - not too poetic, but great exercise.
"The business plan allows for one new desk,
which I suggest Accounts or Sales should have"
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement Peter - I wish you well
cheers
phill
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Phil, I'm so glad you don't have bull in your repertoire, cheers Peter
Comment from Lobengula
This is better than anything I've read on FS, and certainly so much better than I could even dream of writing, that a review from me is almost an insult to you. I've never written blank verse, although it could be argued that my rhyming poems are blank! I thought the analogies and alliterations were quite brilliant, as was the poem generally. Very swell done. (For some stupid reason, I'm only able to give you 5 stars. It should have been 6, of course.)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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This is better than anything I've read on FS, and certainly so much better than I could even dream of writing, that a review from me is almost an insult to you. I've never written blank verse, although it could be argued that my rhyming poems are blank! I thought the analogies and alliterations were quite brilliant, as was the poem generally. Very swell done. (For some stupid reason, I'm only able to give you 5 stars. It should have been 6, of course.)
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012
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Hello Mike
You are very kind to me but, for reasons unknown, not so to yourself.
I think if you read through your own work you will find perfect metre, unknowingly written maybe, but still written well.
Blank verse is an excellent exercise to improve your sense of words and to force you to scratch around in your vocabulary (often in the haunted west-wing) to find a more exact word, a more appropriate word.
I can only encourage you to sit down and try it - as I say, you are half-way there already: you just need to be a bit more confident in what you do - I enjoy your writing and I am glad you enjoy mine.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
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Thank you so much, phill, for such a kind and sympathetic reply. I'm always hard on myself, mainly, as you suggested, because I lack confidence. I fear I have very little self confidence and this has held me back during my life.
Should I try blank verse for my exercise with you, or stick to rhyme? Blank verse is a field I've never explored at all, so it would be a virgin poem, as it were!
Thank you again for all your advise,
Every good wish, Mike
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Hello Mike
I'd say stick with rhyme - but let's see what transpires when you're ready.
cheers
phill
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Okay phill, will do.
Every good wish, Mike
Comment from Tiny Owl
Your opening and closing power stanza has excellent use of alliteration. You use it well as you've penned vivid imagery throughout. Great write! Best of luck in the contest. ~Tiny Owl
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Your opening and closing power stanza has excellent use of alliteration. You use it well as you've penned vivid imagery throughout. Great write! Best of luck in the contest. ~Tiny Owl
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Hello there
Many thanks for these kind words and I am glad you enjoyed the read.
Owls are amongst my favorites!
cheers
phill
Comment from Gungalo
This was so beautiful girl. I especially enjoyed that it was along the sea shore of the VI (lol). The repeated line here makes for an interesting twist.
She skirts along the water's hem of lace
as pearls of perspiration track her breast
and slanted footprints weep, dissolve to sand;
diminished sails incline on inert waves.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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This was so beautiful girl. I especially enjoyed that it was along the sea shore of the VI (lol). The repeated line here makes for an interesting twist.
She skirts along the water's hem of lace
as pearls of perspiration track her breast
and slanted footprints weep, dissolve to sand;
diminished sails incline on inert waves.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Hello
Many thanks for the review - glad you enjoyed it
phill (not quite the girl you think he is...)
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Sorry you.
Comment from Simple Reflection
Your poem is wonderful. I like all that you pack into the line, "where branded, stranded bathers beach beneath" It has internal rhyme, lots of alliteration, and the beginning word rhymes with 'their'. Over all, though, I enjoyed the second stanza most.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Your poem is wonderful. I like all that you pack into the line, "where branded, stranded bathers beach beneath" It has internal rhyme, lots of alliteration, and the beginning word rhymes with 'their'. Over all, though, I enjoyed the second stanza most.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Hello
Thanks for this review and your thoughts - I am encouraged that you liked this.
Cheers
phill
Comment from Treischel
Beautifully evocative poetic lines embrace the iambic pentameter flow to paint vivid word images of the beach and shoreline. Fabulous frolicking alliteration provides superb spice to the overall composition. Your descriptions are lovely. Even without artwork, the vision comes clearly to the mind. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Beautifully evocative poetic lines embrace the iambic pentameter flow to paint vivid word images of the beach and shoreline. Fabulous frolicking alliteration provides superb spice to the overall composition. Your descriptions are lovely. Even without artwork, the vision comes clearly to the mind. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Hello there
This is very generous of you. I do appreciate your time and your opinion - many thanks & warm regards
phill
