Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Yatiza Moon"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from JW
This is an interesting chapter which contains an interesting development. One cannot help but wonder what this will lead to.
Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. No spags were found. JW
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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This is an interesting chapter which contains an interesting development. One cannot help but wonder what this will lead to.
Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. No spags were found. JW
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you much, Jonathon. I appreciate the sharp eye for spags ... I've had some great help in cleaning up the chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from jjstar
How come I feel like Jana thinks Father Brian is responsible? The way she leaned in and then said, "One that will make him drop his guard." It's amazing how the body language speaks to me in your writing. You make it abundantly clear who thinks what through their movements or what their eyes are saying. Excellent chapter, as always! :)
Also loved the intro with the peanut butter and crackers.
I thought it really showed that cops and detectives are real people.
'Touch this and you Die.'==lol
I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."===hmmm sounds like my husband (cardealer) hehe
I didn't want to believe what my heart was telling me."===nice touch..so often that's the case..
"That wasn't your call to make, ma'am."===yeah, but...I agree with Caroline..what would the point have been in causing more misery?
Jana's tone softened as she realized that cherished beliefs ruled this woman's life.===excellent..a little compassion goes a long way.
We'll descend like flies on a week-old corpse." ===what a great ending!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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How come I feel like Jana thinks Father Brian is responsible? The way she leaned in and then said, "One that will make him drop his guard." It's amazing how the body language speaks to me in your writing. You make it abundantly clear who thinks what through their movements or what their eyes are saying. Excellent chapter, as always! :)
Also loved the intro with the peanut butter and crackers.
I thought it really showed that cops and detectives are real people.
'Touch this and you Die.'==lol
I've learned to trust half of what I see and even less of what I hear."===hmmm sounds like my husband (cardealer) hehe
I didn't want to believe what my heart was telling me."===nice touch..so often that's the case..
"That wasn't your call to make, ma'am."===yeah, but...I agree with Caroline..what would the point have been in causing more misery?
Jana's tone softened as she realized that cherished beliefs ruled this woman's life.===excellent..a little compassion goes a long way.
We'll descend like flies on a week-old corpse." ===what a great ending!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Hiya, jj. I'm really pushing my faithful readers to the limits with these close postings LOL. So, I really appreciate you taking time to read and for your awesome review. I am so encouraged by your warm support and amazing generosity. Hugs, Bev
Comment from lakeport
Yatiza Moon indeed, within the church, that's a mistery murder story, will they find the murder? I enjoyed reaing it. God bless you. lakeport.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Yatiza Moon indeed, within the church, that's a mistery murder story, will they find the murder? I enjoyed reaing it. God bless you. lakeport.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thanks for reviewing, lakeport. I appreciate it! Bev
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your welcome. lakeport.
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your welcome. lakeport.
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your welcome.Lakeport.
Comment from Gungalo
So the Monsignor had been up to no good after all. The housekeeper had proof and brought it with her. Sigh, whatever will happen to all those boys?
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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So the Monsignor had been up to no good after all. The housekeeper had proof and brought it with her. Sigh, whatever will happen to all those boys?
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thanks for reviewing, Gungalo. I really appreciate you taking time to read. Warm regards, Bev
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Smile Bev.
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I'm on my way for a few days in Chicago. I love that city! So, I'm smiling. Xx Bev
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Oh wow!! Have fun Bev. Enjoy your getaway.
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Thank you, I will, G. Xx Bev
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Smiles.
Comment from Cornelius2000
Very nice chapter....excellent dialogue, realistic interogation, intersting, likable characters. I'll be following the story as new chapters become available.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Very nice chapter....excellent dialogue, realistic interogation, intersting, likable characters. I'll be following the story as new chapters become available.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Hi, Dave. Thanks for your great review and support. Appreciate it. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
This is a very interesting story and flows along smoothly. There are opportunities to tighten and to improve wordiness.
I believe it would read more easily if those paragraphs that include dialogue began with dialogue.
Here are a few suggestions:
She set the jar out of sight and reached for her notepad, in part to allow the opportunity to recover her dignity.
This sentence seems a bit wordy. It would read more smoothly tightened Perhaps something like this:
To recover her dignity, she set the jar out of sight and reached for her notepad.
Here are a couple of those dreaded 'ly' adverbs.
Caroline Findley sat stiffly upright, staring fixedly at the floor.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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This is a very interesting story and flows along smoothly. There are opportunities to tighten and to improve wordiness.
I believe it would read more easily if those paragraphs that include dialogue began with dialogue.
Here are a few suggestions:
She set the jar out of sight and reached for her notepad, in part to allow the opportunity to recover her dignity.
This sentence seems a bit wordy. It would read more smoothly tightened Perhaps something like this:
To recover her dignity, she set the jar out of sight and reached for her notepad.
Here are a couple of those dreaded 'ly' adverbs.
Caroline Findley sat stiffly upright, staring fixedly at the floor.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the super review, Norbanus. I've incorporated your suggestions and like it much better. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent chapter as always. The twisting and turning kept me engaged and reading forward. From your words I am thinking the man who threatened Monsignor Flaherty was a family member of Jana's. Perhaps her father.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Excellent chapter as always. The twisting and turning kept me engaged and reading forward. From your words I am thinking the man who threatened Monsignor Flaherty was a family member of Jana's. Perhaps her father.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Hiya, Okiegal. Thank you, once again, for taking time out to read my chapter. I'm pushing them out a little faster, so I'm even more grateful for the effort. Your generosity is most heart-warming. Cheers, Bev
Comment from artemis53
Well done and I enjoyed each detail tremendously. You've put into words quite a convoluted mystery and I'm ready to pursue it.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Well done and I enjoyed each detail tremendously. You've put into words quite a convoluted mystery and I'm ready to pursue it.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, artemis. I appreciate it! Bev
Comment from AprilShower
Wow! This keeps getting more mysterious. Could it be one of the victims of the priest who is out to get revenge on everyone who knew about the abuse but kept quiet?
I can hardly wait to find out.
Well written, Bev.
April
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Wow! This keeps getting more mysterious. Could it be one of the victims of the priest who is out to get revenge on everyone who knew about the abuse but kept quiet?
I can hardly wait to find out.
Well written, Bev.
April
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you, April. Your support and generosity warms my heart. P.S. You're getting warm! Hugs, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev.
Hugs back,
April
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:0) XXX
Comment from God's Writer
Wonderful cliff hanging ending. A beautiful mind you have. I loved reading this story. It brought memories I had forgotten about. Thank you. Your story is full of imagery and emotion. Very well written and executed. Thank you for writing.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Wonderful cliff hanging ending. A beautiful mind you have. I loved reading this story. It brought memories I had forgotten about. Thank you. Your story is full of imagery and emotion. Very well written and executed. Thank you for writing.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, Erick. I sure appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to read and so generously review my chapter. Your words warm my heart! Hugs, Bev
