Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Yatiza Moon"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Writingfundimension ...
I have read this chapter of your book with interest and look forward to further chapters as they are presented.
There are just two small changes to suggest ...
* You have - Nana slid the basket aside. To recover her dignity, she set the jar aside. To avoid repetition (aside) I suggest - she moved the jar further on to the table.
* You have - I was so badly shook up ... I suggest -
I was so badly shaken up ...
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
  |
Hullo Writingfundimension ...
I have read this chapter of your book with interest and look forward to further chapters as they are presented.
There are just two small changes to suggest ...
* You have - Nana slid the basket aside. To recover her dignity, she set the jar aside. To avoid repetition (aside) I suggest - she moved the jar further on to the table.
* You have - I was so badly shook up ... I suggest -
I was so badly shaken up ...
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
Hi, Nanette Mary. I appreciate your generous and helpful review. The suggestions are good ones. Thanks! Bev
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice detective story. The characters are interesting . The diction is simple and readily accessible. Very well done
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
|
This is a nice detective story. The characters are interesting . The diction is simple and readily accessible. Very well done
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
Thanks much for the review!
Comment from Angels27
A very interesting narrative. It has the right mixture of suspense with a thread of humor to hold the readers interest and leaving him wanting more. A good read.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
|
A very interesting narrative. It has the right mixture of suspense with a thread of humor to hold the readers interest and leaving him wanting more. A good read.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
Thank you for the great review, Angels.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the housekeepers reaveals someone from the reseration threatened the monsignor
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
|
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the housekeepers reaveals someone from the reseration threatened the monsignor
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
-
I really appreciate your generous and supportive review, sweet.
Comment from RaymondJohn
I like the hook at the end very much. It's a very useful tool, and lends a nice touch to the interrogation before it. I'll want to read more. Ray
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
I like the hook at the end very much. It's a very useful tool, and lends a nice touch to the interrogation before it. I'll want to read more. Ray
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Hi, Ray. Thanks for taking time out to review. I really appreciate the support! Bev
Comment from mizzkris20
I like this it is well written it has a bit of suspense with a little humor which makes a nice combination. Good work writing this. i will try to read your previous chapters
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
I like this it is well written it has a bit of suspense with a little humor which makes a nice combination. Good work writing this. i will try to read your previous chapters
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Thanks so much, mizzkris. I appreciate your great review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"Expired a month ago. Crap." Good beat of interior monologue. Well done.
This chapter gives me a better understanding of Jana. I like how you reveal her "She was licking the underside of her knife when Father Brian found her." You make her seem so real.
Good dialogue, especially the interrogation of the housekeeping.
"Jana's tone softened as she realized that cherished beliefs ruled this woman's life." Insightful statement, Bev. A great many believers don't want to look too closely at the beliefs and values they've held for many years.
I cringe every time you bring up Monsignor Flaherty. Evil hides in the most unlikely places.
Good writing, Bev. Couldn't find anything to suggest. Wish I had a six left. Next chapter, please.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
"Expired a month ago. Crap." Good beat of interior monologue. Well done.
This chapter gives me a better understanding of Jana. I like how you reveal her "She was licking the underside of her knife when Father Brian found her." You make her seem so real.
Good dialogue, especially the interrogation of the housekeeping.
"Jana's tone softened as she realized that cherished beliefs ruled this woman's life." Insightful statement, Bev. A great many believers don't want to look too closely at the beliefs and values they've held for many years.
I cringe every time you bring up Monsignor Flaherty. Evil hides in the most unlikely places.
Good writing, Bev. Couldn't find anything to suggest. Wish I had a six left. Next chapter, please.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Hiya, Adrienne. Thanks for the fantastic review. I so appreciate how much time you take to carefully read the chapter and offer your insights. That's always so helpful to me and just absolutely invaluable given what a great writer you are! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Rondeno
This is very good, and I want to read the rest. The way you build our empathy with Jana - details like the collapsing crackers - is very skilful. It's a top-notch piece of writing. Just one thing is bothering me ... if the Monsignor has been sending letters to boys, how come the letters are still in his possession?
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
This is very good, and I want to read the rest. The way you build our empathy with Jana - details like the collapsing crackers - is very skilful. It's a top-notch piece of writing. Just one thing is bothering me ... if the Monsignor has been sending letters to boys, how come the letters are still in his possession?
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Hi, Rondeno. Thank you for your excellent review and supportive insights. What I had in mind was that the Monsignor had letters he'd received and kept them, sort of as a momento of his trysts. Does this make sense? I will surely look at that place in the chapter and see if it needs clarification. Thanks much for the help. Warmest regards, Bev
-
Please don't think I'm criticizing, or laboring a point. It's just that if they're letters from boys, they don't incriminate him (apart from having to explain why so many sexually-groomed boys happen to be writing to him), and if they're his own draft letters, he can say that he never actually sent any of them. (You can tell I'm a lawyer, huh?)
-
Oh, I didn't take it as a criticism at all. And the fact you're a lawyer addes even more credence to your query. You make a great point and one that I would not normally have thought of. That's why it's important to get the facts straight in this type of novel, and I'll not make that mistake again!
Comment from Connie C
I wish that just once, Bev, I could tell you something other than great use of dialogue, excellent character development, and outstanding plot filled with mystery as well as some supernatural. But it's true! This chapter, like all your others, is full of all these things. I was feeling for Jana Burke when Mrs. Findley was talking about the fellow from the Sioux reservation. You have me feeling for your characters! How great is that, huh? Another excellent chapter, my friend. Keep 'em coming!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
I wish that just once, Bev, I could tell you something other than great use of dialogue, excellent character development, and outstanding plot filled with mystery as well as some supernatural. But it's true! This chapter, like all your others, is full of all these things. I was feeling for Jana Burke when Mrs. Findley was talking about the fellow from the Sioux reservation. You have me feeling for your characters! How great is that, huh? Another excellent chapter, my friend. Keep 'em coming!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Connie, thank you so much my friend. You are always so kind and generous with your support. It is truly heart-warming to know that you enjoyed the chapter. Things are starting to jell leading to more of the supernatural aspects. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Rob Caudle
No sixes left for you I am afraid, but as you know, this was really good. From the peanut butter that makes us all see the ordinary so we can except the extraordinary of the Sioux shaman. All the elements of a tremendous tale well told. I love the fact that Jana seems to know or suspect something the rest of us don't. Very intriguing my friend as always. Bev, I love your work and can't wait to hold the finished product in my hand and read it once again from beginning to end.
Rob
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
|
No sixes left for you I am afraid, but as you know, this was really good. From the peanut butter that makes us all see the ordinary so we can except the extraordinary of the Sioux shaman. All the elements of a tremendous tale well told. I love the fact that Jana seems to know or suspect something the rest of us don't. Very intriguing my friend as always. Bev, I love your work and can't wait to hold the finished product in my hand and read it once again from beginning to end.
Rob
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
-
Rob, thank you so much my faithful friend. I'm glad this chapter worked for you. I was a little touch and go about the minor details, but I've had nothing but good reports back from readers. Got to learn to respect my hunches a little better.
You have a way of getting me to believe in myself and think maybe I can do this! Hugs, Bev
