All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Soul's Voice"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
62 total reviews
Comment from nancyjam
Lovely poem. Light and airy
visuals depicted, whisper soft
and dreamlike.
My grand daughter once said she remembered
seeing God before she was born. Babies are so
much like angels - it could be very true.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Lovely poem. Light and airy
visuals depicted, whisper soft
and dreamlike.
My grand daughter once said she remembered
seeing God before she was born. Babies are so
much like angels - it could be very true.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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It could indeed Nancy - I do believe it!
Comment from fictionwriter
It's so interesting what young children know about the other side but then forget as they grow older. I loved this. A job well done.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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It's so interesting what young children know about the other side but then forget as they grow older. I loved this. A job well done.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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thank you so much f.w. - so much we don't know, yes?
Comment from amada
This is a marvelous story, I have no doubt your son saw the face of His maker! What a delightful poem in these days of tragedies and turmoils. Marvelous!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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This is a marvelous story, I have no doubt your son saw the face of His maker! What a delightful poem in these days of tragedies and turmoils. Marvelous!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it amada - and a specially BIG thank you for your magic '6' - you've made my night!
Comment from squid152
I love free verse and you have gave a prime example of it here in your poetry. I liked humans are so...interesting and you'll know when it is time to come home.-Squid
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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I love free verse and you have gave a prime example of it here in your poetry. I liked humans are so...interesting and you'll know when it is time to come home.-Squid
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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thx Gary! so glad you enjoyed this one, my dear!
Comment from robyn corum
This is a very interesting and extremely well-written take on the concept. I enjoyed it very much. I loved your way with words. 'before we send you sliding down the satin rainbow', for example.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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This is a very interesting and extremely well-written take on the concept. I enjoyed it very much. I loved your way with words. 'before we send you sliding down the satin rainbow', for example.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you Robyn - we love to invent fairy tales, don't we? but some are based on fact ... the mystery never ends ...
Comment from Ekim777
An absolute fairy tale. Even Shakespeare wrote a fairy tale in A Midsummer Night's dream. It has to be a mingling of reality and fantasy, heaven an earth. But the real magic lies with the child asleep. Her child like soul not yet awake, not ready to join you among the stars. As you wait you too know how much of the childlike resides in you.
Good luck. Ekim777
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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An absolute fairy tale. Even Shakespeare wrote a fairy tale in A Midsummer Night's dream. It has to be a mingling of reality and fantasy, heaven an earth. But the real magic lies with the child asleep. Her child like soul not yet awake, not ready to join you among the stars. As you wait you too know how much of the childlike resides in you.
Good luck. Ekim777
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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thank you so much Ekim - and bless you for your special '6'!
Comment from Laurie Keim
I do like poetic voices that assume a persona of natural phenomena like the wind or stones or the night.
"Shhhhh ...
it's not the wind, it's me
singing just for you, little one ...
feel my breath
wave your hazy curtains
in the twinkles of the moonlight
as you sleep"
The following lines threw me a bit because I thought it was night:
"can you see?
it's bright as day!
can you hear me?
come play!"
These lines were more difficult to assess:
"You're too young to be totally
in your physical body yet ... feel me?
feel US? we're all around you
see the sparkles?
aah... you smile, eyelashes fluttering
with slight delighted puzzlement
Let me paraphrase: you are too young to be born (your physical body) and yet you feel my spiritual presence. "you're all around you see my sparkles" sounded more like advertisment for pillows than poetry. Poets must strive for original phrasing and thought. It is not just another add for ourselves.
The following lines are a direct contradiction of previous lines when the ? doesn't have a body. How can you leave something you haven't got?
"leave your body ...
drift and dream"
I'll finish there on a positive note: I admire your attempt to write in the voice of a persona which is a rich tradition. By the way, which poets would you read regularly to increase your skill. All muscians listen to music daily.
I will look out for your next poem.
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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I do like poetic voices that assume a persona of natural phenomena like the wind or stones or the night.
"Shhhhh ...
it's not the wind, it's me
singing just for you, little one ...
feel my breath
wave your hazy curtains
in the twinkles of the moonlight
as you sleep"
The following lines threw me a bit because I thought it was night:
"can you see?
it's bright as day!
can you hear me?
come play!"
These lines were more difficult to assess:
"You're too young to be totally
in your physical body yet ... feel me?
feel US? we're all around you
see the sparkles?
aah... you smile, eyelashes fluttering
with slight delighted puzzlement
Let me paraphrase: you are too young to be born (your physical body) and yet you feel my spiritual presence. "you're all around you see my sparkles" sounded more like advertisment for pillows than poetry. Poets must strive for original phrasing and thought. It is not just another add for ourselves.
The following lines are a direct contradiction of previous lines when the ? doesn't have a body. How can you leave something you haven't got?
"leave your body ...
drift and dream"
I'll finish there on a positive note: I admire your attempt to write in the voice of a persona which is a rich tradition. By the way, which poets would you read regularly to increase your skill. All muscians listen to music daily.
I will look out for your next poem.
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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can you see?
it's bright as day!
can you hear me?
come play!"
it's moonlight - it tells you that
"You're too young to be totally
in your physical body yet ... feel me?
feel US? we're all around you
see the sparkles?
aah... you smile, eyelashes fluttering
with slight delighted puzzlement
Let me paraphrase: you are too young to be born (your physical body) and yet you feel my spiritual presence. "you're all around you see my sparkles" sounded more like advertisment for pillows than poetry. Poets must strive for original phrasing and thought. It is not just another add for ourselves.
The following lines are a direct contradiction of previous lines when the ? doesn't have a body. How can you leave something you haven't got?
"leave your body ...
The whole point is: this is your SOUL - soul is in a physical body, but MAY not be totally established in that body for a long time ... young children may "remember" being with God - my son did. Ever heard of "out of body" experiences?
May I also comment on YOUR comment on my word choices? What's right for YOU is not necessarily right for ME Laurie. What's "common" to you, is not for others - case in point, the last poem of mine that you reviewed, which received multiple sixes.
I'll finish there on a positive note: I admire your attempt to write in the voice of a persona which is a rich tradition. By the way, which poets would you read regularly to increase your skill. All muscians listen to music daily.
I'm sorry, but your arrogance offends me. My "attempt" indeed? And then advising me to read poetry for practice. Please - don't do me any favors. If you don't like my stuff, don't read it - but your condescension is not appreciated. I read one of yours last night. I didn't like it. I pressed "skip". Please feel free to do the same.
Comment from STEPHEN007
Beautifully written. While reading all that you wrote I could almost feel your emotions and read your thoughts as you took me on a journey through your mind. Very creative all round, great job. Love it
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Beautifully written. While reading all that you wrote I could almost feel your emotions and read your thoughts as you took me on a journey through your mind. Very creative all round, great job. Love it
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much Stephen, for coming on the journey with me!
Comment from Deorre Leonard
This is a very creative and unique poem. Its really beautiful it has a really good flow the colors the picture is great. This is a good contest entry. Well done. Deorre
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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This is a very creative and unique poem. Its really beautiful it has a really good flow the colors the picture is great. This is a good contest entry. Well done. Deorre
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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glad you enjoyed it Deorre! :)
Comment from EMB
This was a great poem that brings us an interesting possibility. Perhaps dreams are indeed out of body experiences. However, I must admit that this poem also has a certain level of creepiness to it. Tapping outside my window late at night isn't the most comforting thought, after all. LOL
Nice one. :)
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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This was a great poem that brings us an interesting possibility. Perhaps dreams are indeed out of body experiences. However, I must admit that this poem also has a certain level of creepiness to it. Tapping outside my window late at night isn't the most comforting thought, after all. LOL
Nice one. :)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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hmmm ... maybe I should make my souls even kinder?? they do give her a kiss ... any non creep suggestions dear?
