~ Nightmare ~
A trip to the cemetery on Halloween....19 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets
good alliteration in cemetery to search and in seen solely and in summon spirits
devil's seed - add apostrophe for possessive
soulful expression of intense emotion
you create an eerie tone effectively :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 11-May-2013
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solid rhyming couplets
good alliteration in cemetery to search and in seen solely and in summon spirits
devil's seed - add apostrophe for possessive
soulful expression of intense emotion
you create an eerie tone effectively :-) Brooke
Comment Written 11-May-2013
reply by the author on 11-May-2013
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Thank you so very much Brooke.
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Heidi,
I like this one a lot. Again, a little work on the cadence would do wonders. For instance, I would drop "very" in the 4th line. In other words, end the line by saying simply "cautious and still." There are a few other rough spots as well.
Ray
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Hello Heidi,
I like this one a lot. Again, a little work on the cadence would do wonders. For instance, I would drop "very" in the 4th line. In other words, end the line by saying simply "cautious and still." There are a few other rough spots as well.
Ray
Comment Written 22-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you very much....I truly appreciate it!! xoxo
Comment from juliedickson55
Nice scary halloween poem...
Good rhymes and scheme of the topic, though some rhymes are simple.
I'd like to see some more meaty rhymes, though if the poem is more geared toward children, it's nice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Nice scary halloween poem...
Good rhymes and scheme of the topic, though some rhymes are simple.
I'd like to see some more meaty rhymes, though if the poem is more geared toward children, it's nice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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thank you
Comment from Charlene0513
To Heidixoxo,
A deep and compelling poem exhibiting the minds way of imagination.
Good creativity and description of what one might expect and fear on this dreaded night of October.
Your stanzas are excellent in uniform and your pick of pictures is startling, to say the least. LOL
Charlene
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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To Heidixoxo,
A deep and compelling poem exhibiting the minds way of imagination.
Good creativity and description of what one might expect and fear on this dreaded night of October.
Your stanzas are excellent in uniform and your pick of pictures is startling, to say the least. LOL
Charlene
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Charlene..xoxo
Comment from terry drake
Halloween stories are many and varied but your poem was delightful and scary. The cadence was good and the rhyme scheme contributed to the terror.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Halloween stories are many and varied but your poem was delightful and scary. The cadence was good and the rhyme scheme contributed to the terror.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you very much Terry. Im glad you enjoyed it....xoxo
Comment from eberry4
I enjoyed this Halloween tale. I like the ending with the "dirt" at the characters feet. Nice touch. I'm not sure but I think you meant to say "them" instead of "then" in your fourth paragraph, line three. You may want to fix that. Otherwise good job!...Eydie
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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I enjoyed this Halloween tale. I like the ending with the "dirt" at the characters feet. Nice touch. I'm not sure but I think you meant to say "them" instead of "then" in your fourth paragraph, line three. You may want to fix that. Otherwise good job!...Eydie
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you Eydie....and thank you for pointing out my little boo-boo!! :) xoxo
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You're welcome. Others have pointed out my typo's and I just think, "Silly Me"...E
Comment from Sasha
Halloween is such a fun time of year. This is a marvelous poem and tells quite a scary story too. Great entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Halloween is such a fun time of year. This is a marvelous poem and tells quite a scary story too. Great entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you Sasha....I appreciate your comment and ratings a great deal. xoxo
Comment from sgalletti
Happy Halloween to you too Heidi! Fun ending in this piece - was it a dream or was it real? You certainly included some vivid and scary images. It was hard for me to get into a set rhythm/meter and you did have a proximate rhyme (alone/home) but not a big deal. I'm offering some edits for you below::
devil's - add apostrophe to show possession
car's - add apostrophe to show contraction (car has)
towards "them," not "then"
"so my face I give a slap" is pretty awkward.
Hope this helps. Hug, Sue
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Happy Halloween to you too Heidi! Fun ending in this piece - was it a dream or was it real? You certainly included some vivid and scary images. It was hard for me to get into a set rhythm/meter and you did have a proximate rhyme (alone/home) but not a big deal. I'm offering some edits for you below::
devil's - add apostrophe to show possession
car's - add apostrophe to show contraction (car has)
towards "them," not "then"
"so my face I give a slap" is pretty awkward.
Hope this helps. Hug, Sue
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Sue for yor suggestions, comments and great rating. It is always appreciated....xoxo
Comment from donkeyoatey
What a great ending..a story that evokes chills and what if's! I liked the entire mood you created, and the way you built tension with each verse! i appreciate you using my artwork verymuch! Doneyoatey
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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What a great ending..a story that evokes chills and what if's! I liked the entire mood you created, and the way you built tension with each verse! i appreciate you using my artwork verymuch! Doneyoatey
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you SOOOO very much for this amazing comment and 6 star rating!! I am just thrilled..xoxo
Comment from irishauthorme
Scary but also funny too, I remember when Halloween was a scary night and many of the people where we went to Trick 0r Treat had little scary figures in dark places on their porch. And graveyards are always scary at night, anyway!
Good luck in the contest!
irish
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Scary but also funny too, I remember when Halloween was a scary night and many of the people where we went to Trick 0r Treat had little scary figures in dark places on their porch. And graveyards are always scary at night, anyway!
Good luck in the contest!
irish
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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As always thank you irish.....your comments mean a great deal to me!! xoxo
