Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "ILAKA MOON"Murder Mystery
55 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
This is the most incredible chapter. Your characters are excellent! The creepiness of the son, Eddy, gave me chills, his cold demeanor, taut face, and malicious grin. I felt the eeriness soon as Marsha Nugent entered the house, like an invisible presence. The part that got me most was the pink rose rosary hanging on the bedpost. You gave a hint of the killer, but still kept him well hidden in the shadows.
Finally got my sixes back. :)This chapter is worth ten stars! You are a master of creating character, a true gift!
I'm enjoying every chapter and every word.
Bye
Rosalyne
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Hi, Bev.
This is the most incredible chapter. Your characters are excellent! The creepiness of the son, Eddy, gave me chills, his cold demeanor, taut face, and malicious grin. I felt the eeriness soon as Marsha Nugent entered the house, like an invisible presence. The part that got me most was the pink rose rosary hanging on the bedpost. You gave a hint of the killer, but still kept him well hidden in the shadows.
Finally got my sixes back. :)This chapter is worth ten stars! You are a master of creating character, a true gift!
I'm enjoying every chapter and every word.
Bye
Rosalyne
Comment Written 19-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Dear Rosalyne, you are such an awesome lady. Thank you for thsi awesome review, and for taking time out of your very busy life to read my novel! I so appreciate your input because I've kind of lost track of the early chapters, and it's good to know what's working in them. I'll be using any and all advice for my final editing. Eddie is a true monster, made so by exterior forces. Love ya, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
And I thought the last chapter was scary!
Why can't Gertrude be admitted to the hospital for proper care? Eddie obviously isn't taking care of her.
I think I'd come back with at least one other person, safety in numbers!
I can't wait to see how this develops. :-)
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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And I thought the last chapter was scary!
Why can't Gertrude be admitted to the hospital for proper care? Eddie obviously isn't taking care of her.
I think I'd come back with at least one other person, safety in numbers!
I can't wait to see how this develops. :-)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hi, Sue. We haven't seen the last of the home care nurse. Her presence in the home will create a conflict with her nasty son.
Thanks so much for the interest and awesome review. You rock! Hugs, Bev
Comment from TammyGail
another stunning chapter Bev so happy my stifle is lifted :) really this made for a great read - always you pull me in and keep me throughout the read - thanks for sharing always a pleasure -
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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another stunning chapter Bev so happy my stifle is lifted :) really this made for a great read - always you pull me in and keep me throughout the read - thanks for sharing always a pleasure -
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Hi, Tammy. Thank you so much for your wonderful words of support and the six stars. I really appreciate what a warm and generous lady you are. Hugs, Bev
Comment from hari anand
Mystery and crime fiction, I love to read! I enjoyed reading this one , a well written chapter , hope to follow the later ones too.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Mystery and crime fiction, I love to read! I enjoyed reading this one , a well written chapter , hope to follow the later ones too.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much for your great review! I much appreciate it.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Eleanor Buron
I believe M. Scott Peck wrote; The Road Less Traveled too.
It's a pleasure to read this chapter. I moved right into the story. The sense of place is strong, characters too are compelling, well fleshed out. The descriptive details are not overwhelming. Marsha's thoughts and the dialogue between characters carry the action. Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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I believe M. Scott Peck wrote; The Road Less Traveled too.
It's a pleasure to read this chapter. I moved right into the story. The sense of place is strong, characters too are compelling, well fleshed out. The descriptive details are not overwhelming. Marsha's thoughts and the dialogue between characters carry the action. Excellent writing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Yes, he did write that as well. An excellent book, I thought, on spirituality.
Thank you so much for this wonderfully generous review, my friend. I really appreciate your support very much!
Warmest regards, Bev
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You're so welcome and deserving.
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Thank you gracious lady! Xx Bev
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So the creepy son killed the owner of the rosary. He's a serial killer. I see a potential problem with the plot, even tho I have just jumped into the book. There is no way Social Services would leave that woman in that house with such unclean conditions. Home care is not all they offer.
Her biological clock had sprung its springs, << Very good phrase here!
The book sounds interesting. Wish I'd seen it at the start. :(
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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So the creepy son killed the owner of the rosary. He's a serial killer. I see a potential problem with the plot, even tho I have just jumped into the book. There is no way Social Services would leave that woman in that house with such unclean conditions. Home care is not all they offer.
Her biological clock had sprung its springs, << Very good phrase here!
The book sounds interesting. Wish I'd seen it at the start. :(
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Phyllis. I appreciate your insights and taking time to read this chapter. Home Care is not the same as Social Services. In my experience with them after my surgery, they were focused solely on my wound care needs. But, Getrude's removal from the home is going to be an important catalyst in a coming chapter.
Thanks again! Bev
Comment from Doc Holiday
Sorry I haven't been as faithful as I should have been to your chapters. I did find this one and really enjoyed it. From the opening description of Marsha working up more of a sweat during menopause than ever in the bedroom was a great line. Also the fact that he was reading her mind was kind of creepy-like and kept me even more interested! Nice work!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Sorry I haven't been as faithful as I should have been to your chapters. I did find this one and really enjoyed it. From the opening description of Marsha working up more of a sweat during menopause than ever in the bedroom was a great line. Also the fact that he was reading her mind was kind of creepy-like and kept me even more interested! Nice work!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Doc, I thank you for taking time to read! I always enjoy your insights and appreciate your generous reviews. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Littlegirl38732
I flipping love it!' I'm going to read all of it. It is a very creepy story. Just what I love. I love the way he was reading her mind. I look forward to reading more. Best wishes
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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I flipping love it!' I'm going to read all of it. It is a very creepy story. Just what I love. I love the way he was reading her mind. I look forward to reading more. Best wishes
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Hi, Littlegirl. Thank you so much for your gracious words of support and generous review! I really appreciate that you took time to read this chapter. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Josipher32
I really enjoyed reading your piece. The piece shows that your words were very carefully chosen to convey the message you were trying to get out. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Kristen
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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I really enjoyed reading your piece. The piece shows that your words were very carefully chosen to convey the message you were trying to get out. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Kristen
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Hi, Kristen. Thank you so much for taking time to read my chapter. I appreciate your support and generous review!
Kind regards, Bev
Comment from megclare
This was a terrific read.
Great opening paragraph - grabbed my attention and gave me a vignette of the character.
Aside from their initial conversation with the man, there was no further mention of him in the file. An oversight of that magnitude by one nurse was bad enough. But two nurses?
Curiosity piqued; she talked with both women by phone. They repeated their 'official' explanation for asking to be reassigned. Jackie, the second-case nurse, tersely hinted at something darker. "The son, Eddie, totally creeped me out. When you meet him, you'll know what I mean." love the way the tension is building.
His laugh bled bitterness.Great
Stretched taut across prominent cheekbones and a high forehead, Marsha had the impression of young skin on old bones. This sounds as though Marsha is stretched taut etc. You could rewrite this without the participle.
This is a minor quibble and did not detract from my enjoyment of your writing.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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This was a terrific read.
Great opening paragraph - grabbed my attention and gave me a vignette of the character.
Aside from their initial conversation with the man, there was no further mention of him in the file. An oversight of that magnitude by one nurse was bad enough. But two nurses?
Curiosity piqued; she talked with both women by phone. They repeated their 'official' explanation for asking to be reassigned. Jackie, the second-case nurse, tersely hinted at something darker. "The son, Eddie, totally creeped me out. When you meet him, you'll know what I mean." love the way the tension is building.
His laugh bled bitterness.Great
Stretched taut across prominent cheekbones and a high forehead, Marsha had the impression of young skin on old bones. This sounds as though Marsha is stretched taut etc. You could rewrite this without the participle.
This is a minor quibble and did not detract from my enjoyment of your writing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Hi, megclare. Thank you so much for your awesome review. I will definitely take a look at the section you mention, and appreciate the insight! Warmest regards, Bev
