All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 "Twenty-five Years"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
89 total reviews
Comment from mauial
You have met the requirement of the prompt that this be a piece about a state of loneliness. The line that hits this nicely is this, we are together, yes ... but
we walk parallel lives
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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You have met the requirement of the prompt that this be a piece about a state of loneliness. The line that hits this nicely is this, we are together, yes ... but
we walk parallel lives
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx al!
Comment from Gladness
They don't make greeting cards for wounded, hurting hearts, your poem is so right. Your style is very familiar, even without the name posted. This is a tribute of a very different kind. One that people don't talk about face to face very often.
Your poem does a terrific job of portraying mood and feeling. And you've got it in fifteen lines.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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They don't make greeting cards for wounded, hurting hearts, your poem is so right. Your style is very familiar, even without the name posted. This is a tribute of a very different kind. One that people don't talk about face to face very often.
Your poem does a terrific job of portraying mood and feeling. And you've got it in fifteen lines.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx Gladness!
Comment from Joy Graham
I didn't see any spag issues. Your message is interesting but not relatable to all. Your author notes ruined the mood completely. Length was just right. The picture you chose held my attention as I read your poem and made me wonder. You neatly summed things up and left the reader with one or two afterthoughts. Best wishes in this contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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I didn't see any spag issues. Your message is interesting but not relatable to all. Your author notes ruined the mood completely. Length was just right. The picture you chose held my attention as I read your poem and made me wonder. You neatly summed things up and left the reader with one or two afterthoughts. Best wishes in this contest.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx Joy - sorry about my tetchy notes - I got tired of getting marital advice/admonitions instead of critiques of the poem! My bad! :)Sharyn
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I'm glad you took my review well :) I understand what you are saying about the marital advice. I tried my best to give a review in line with your request in the author notes. I am not good at that type of reviewing but I gave it my best. I am still learning how to review and not sound like a newbee. My overall feeling of your poem was sadness for someone to be in an empty sort of marriage.
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no problem Joy :)Sharyn
Comment from jaded831
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I like the way it started out happy and ended in loneliness. You met the criteria of the contest creatively. Great job.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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I really enjoyed reading your poem. I like the way it started out happy and ended in loneliness. You met the criteria of the contest creatively. Great job.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thank you so much for reading, and understanding my poem j! And a special "thank you" for your generous '6'! :) Sharyn
Comment from EmilyMae
I love this poem. I think you perfectly captured the reality vs. what is expected in a marriage. I am sure so many readers can relate to this. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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I love this poem. I think you perfectly captured the reality vs. what is expected in a marriage. I am sure so many readers can relate to this. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx EmilyMae!
Comment from 1ClosetWriter
I like the way you displayed this aspect of our culture. I was a little confused at what appeared to be a switch in the middle of the poem relative to style. In the first two paragraphs, the last two lines rhyme. That was not carried through the rest of the poem. I don't know if that was intentional or not.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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I like the way you displayed this aspect of our culture. I was a little confused at what appeared to be a switch in the middle of the poem relative to style. In the first two paragraphs, the last two lines rhyme. That was not carried through the rest of the poem. I don't know if that was intentional or not.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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there's only internal rhyme my dear, assonance etc, which is perfectly acceptable in free verse, no worries. (Ask Brooke). Thx for the question though! The switch was deliberate, as a contrast to what's on a card and what's going on inside one's heart! :) Sharyn
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Thanks for the clarification.
Comment from Val Crisson
Very interesting approach here. I like the way the author used a Walmart anniversary card as his intro to his poem on loneliness, and endswith it too. "We walk parallel lives, eyes straight ahead dead" - very powerful stuff.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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Very interesting approach here. I like the way the author used a Walmart anniversary card as his intro to his poem on loneliness, and endswith it too. "We walk parallel lives, eyes straight ahead dead" - very powerful stuff.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx Val!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about the way sometimes marriage seems to feel like a comfortable shoe and not appreciated as it was at the beginning, i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about the way sometimes marriage seems to feel like a comfortable shoe and not appreciated as it was at the beginning, i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx sweets! it's a hard trap not to fall into, I'm afraid! :)Sharyn
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is sad, but a fact of life. There are many couples like that, years of marriage eroding their hearts, their feelings. It shouldn't be like that, and I know several of my friends who have been married like forever, but act and feel like newlyweds. I like the way you have written this, it tells of what could happen and does, in the simplest of ways. And you are right, there are no cards in Wal-Mart for situations liken this. Good luck in the contest with this fine entry. Sandra.xsx
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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That is sad, but a fact of life. There are many couples like that, years of marriage eroding their hearts, their feelings. It shouldn't be like that, and I know several of my friends who have been married like forever, but act and feel like newlyweds. I like the way you have written this, it tells of what could happen and does, in the simplest of ways. And you are right, there are no cards in Wal-Mart for situations liken this. Good luck in the contest with this fine entry. Sandra.xsx
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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thx Sandra! :) Sharyn
Comment from Eliza M
To be honest, after 2 less than happy marriages and consequently 2 acrimonious divorces, anyone who has survived 25YRS of marriage has, in my opinion, done pretty well! Sadly though, I have to agree that I rarely see true togetherness in marriages now, but merely habit and convenience. Cynical I know, but my honest observation. with the stresses and srains of life these days, the romance fades and people forget why they fell in love in the first place. Sadder still is that there seems an unwillingness to re-kindle and work at keeping the spark alive.
That said, my parents generation seem to know the secret. My Mum an Dad clocked up 55yrs of happy wedded bliss this year and though sadly my Dad now suffers with dementia, the deep love, respect and committment they have for eachother is very much still in evidence. My Mum's devotion to caring for my darling Dad is truly inspirational and there is no denying the overwhelming love he still has for her both in his words and in his eyes.
I like the conversational style of your writing here in what is an honest and thought provoking piece.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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To be honest, after 2 less than happy marriages and consequently 2 acrimonious divorces, anyone who has survived 25YRS of marriage has, in my opinion, done pretty well! Sadly though, I have to agree that I rarely see true togetherness in marriages now, but merely habit and convenience. Cynical I know, but my honest observation. with the stresses and srains of life these days, the romance fades and people forget why they fell in love in the first place. Sadder still is that there seems an unwillingness to re-kindle and work at keeping the spark alive.
That said, my parents generation seem to know the secret. My Mum an Dad clocked up 55yrs of happy wedded bliss this year and though sadly my Dad now suffers with dementia, the deep love, respect and committment they have for eachother is very much still in evidence. My Mum's devotion to caring for my darling Dad is truly inspirational and there is no denying the overwhelming love he still has for her both in his words and in his eyes.
I like the conversational style of your writing here in what is an honest and thought provoking piece.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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So sad, Eliza, to have examples of BOTH loves in your life!
