Shrills of Laughter
Acceptance in an unforgiving world.39 total reviews
Comment from Mauvesoul
Dost thou suffer so?
Then suffer for me more!
Suffer and pain and your self-loathing galore!
Give me more! Give me more! Give me more!
For I am the endless void to end your Life.
I am the leech to destroy your soul!
Feed me! Feed me! For I shall hunger always, and forevermore!
Find never your Soul and your Self,
Forget always your Love and Belief in You,
Lie! And Trick! Here, let me help deceive your Self!
I am eternal and immortal,
I am Power and Fear and Lust and Greed,
And you are but a drop within my soulless void,
Give to me! Feed me! Your beautiful Soul!
For I am Soulless, forevermore.
So come, let me quench on your Soul,
And have for but one moment, a Soul of my own.
My own pain and cries for a Soul of my own!
So suffer you more than me,
To relieve my own.
No!! Don't you dare escape and leave me alone!
Believe never your own Love and Compassion of your Soul!
Your Soul is rightfully mine, not yours!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
   |
Dost thou suffer so?
Then suffer for me more!
Suffer and pain and your self-loathing galore!
Give me more! Give me more! Give me more!
For I am the endless void to end your Life.
I am the leech to destroy your soul!
Feed me! Feed me! For I shall hunger always, and forevermore!
Find never your Soul and your Self,
Forget always your Love and Belief in You,
Lie! And Trick! Here, let me help deceive your Self!
I am eternal and immortal,
I am Power and Fear and Lust and Greed,
And you are but a drop within my soulless void,
Give to me! Feed me! Your beautiful Soul!
For I am Soulless, forevermore.
So come, let me quench on your Soul,
And have for but one moment, a Soul of my own.
My own pain and cries for a Soul of my own!
So suffer you more than me,
To relieve my own.
No!! Don't you dare escape and leave me alone!
Believe never your own Love and Compassion of your Soul!
Your Soul is rightfully mine, not yours!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for stopping by...dark lord
-
Lol, what I was saying was that your poem made me want to write a response poem. Your poem was that good :D.
Comment from bossladyone
I like it. It is well written and great emotion is expressed in the poem. I like the flow of the poem also. The picture and color scheme add to the despair that is expressed in the poem. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
|
I like it. It is well written and great emotion is expressed in the poem. I like the flow of the poem also. The picture and color scheme add to the despair that is expressed in the poem. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
-
Thank you so very much...dark lord
Comment from Heaven Bound
Again, another writing well stated. Very good presentation. I so have, however, a problem with every first word of each line be capitalized if it is a continuation of a sentence. That doesn't make any sense.
Also, from a context standpoint, I understand your position, but it inappropriate to attempt blame on the true "Lord", by placing characteristics on Him that are inaccurate and incorrect. The capitalization of "Lord" in stanza 3 is one of those. Also, I don't understand why "eternal hell" is capitalized.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
Again, another writing well stated. Very good presentation. I so have, however, a problem with every first word of each line be capitalized if it is a continuation of a sentence. That doesn't make any sense.
Also, from a context standpoint, I understand your position, but it inappropriate to attempt blame on the true "Lord", by placing characteristics on Him that are inaccurate and incorrect. The capitalization of "Lord" in stanza 3 is one of those. Also, I don't understand why "eternal hell" is capitalized.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
I thank you for taking time to read my work. The capitalization is something I did by accident over 30 years ago and I liked the way it looked, so I took it as my trademark. Putting certain words with capitals is just a way to express my desire for the reader to understand that I am putting an emphasis on the word...Dark Lord
Comment from kaleidoscopedreams
Very dark and sad. I can feel your pain and your cries in this piece and a sense that you feel lost. But God is there. He will show you the way. I suggest you read the Psalms and the Proverbs in the Bible. They are so enlightening.
Warmly,
Kailey ox
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
Very dark and sad. I can feel your pain and your cries in this piece and a sense that you feel lost. But God is there. He will show you the way. I suggest you read the Psalms and the Proverbs in the Bible. They are so enlightening.
Warmly,
Kailey ox
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
Thank you so very much...dark lord
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, dklrdmcches, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about the way we can feel unaccepted by anybody, i enjoyed reading this one...
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
this is very well written, dklrdmcches, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about the way we can feel unaccepted by anybody, i enjoyed reading this one...
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
thank you so very much...dark lord
Comment from Xelmyrion
This feels like it should be a part of a larger work. Not sure where your head is on this, but I was thinking it could be one of a series of verses--poetic chapters, if you will--that is epic in the same way that Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" is epic.
I thought the word choices were really good and the pace of the piece feels right.
Again, though, having read some of your other work, I would encourage you to play with structure a bit. Take the art of your form to the next level and make the piece be not only art in content, but in form as well.
I hope that makes sense.
Xel
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
This feels like it should be a part of a larger work. Not sure where your head is on this, but I was thinking it could be one of a series of verses--poetic chapters, if you will--that is epic in the same way that Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" is epic.
I thought the word choices were really good and the pace of the piece feels right.
Again, though, having read some of your other work, I would encourage you to play with structure a bit. Take the art of your form to the next level and make the piece be not only art in content, but in form as well.
I hope that makes sense.
Xel
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
thank you....dark lord
Comment from OLA THOMAS
You have a fine and thoughtful work here. You carefully made good word choice and you peaked the crescendo up in these lines:
'Shrills of laughter are heard above the cries of those who were not worthy.
Crimson Tears fall from Heaven as another has accepted Eternal Hell as a way'
ola thomas
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
You have a fine and thoughtful work here. You carefully made good word choice and you peaked the crescendo up in these lines:
'Shrills of laughter are heard above the cries of those who were not worthy.
Crimson Tears fall from Heaven as another has accepted Eternal Hell as a way'
ola thomas
Comment Written 23-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
thank you very much...dark lord
Comment from Titanx9
We're all subject to our own beliefs, so this review is not about that. The poem is dark, and it seems you have come to a half-way point and find that all you've come to know and believe have not yielded you the desired results. The colors you've chosen, I think solidify the point you wish to come across in this poem. Well done and peace!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
We're all subject to our own beliefs, so this review is not about that. The poem is dark, and it seems you have come to a half-way point and find that all you've come to know and believe have not yielded you the desired results. The colors you've chosen, I think solidify the point you wish to come across in this poem. Well done and peace!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
thank you very much...dark lord
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was dark, haunting and thought pondering. Frankly, the red font was jarring to my eyes, perhaps another darker shed of red could fit better with the grey of the picture - but maybe it's just me.
Those lines sound like them come from a man who had known great disappointments and has lost faith in God and mankind.
Why has it come to this point, why have I fallen this far?
Proving to be unworthy in the eyes of an unforgiving Lord, I look elsewhere
For the acceptance that I deem to be what life is all about.
Standing before the epitome of self-loathing, I give all that I am.
However, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and dark clouds will melt away, with some faith and trust.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
|
This was dark, haunting and thought pondering. Frankly, the red font was jarring to my eyes, perhaps another darker shed of red could fit better with the grey of the picture - but maybe it's just me.
Those lines sound like them come from a man who had known great disappointments and has lost faith in God and mankind.
Why has it come to this point, why have I fallen this far?
Proving to be unworthy in the eyes of an unforgiving Lord, I look elsewhere
For the acceptance that I deem to be what life is all about.
Standing before the epitome of self-loathing, I give all that I am.
However, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and dark clouds will melt away, with some faith and trust.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
-
thank you very much...dark lord
Comment from Glasstruth
Your poems seem to have a general theme. I sense in your writing as you mentioned the dead, your elders from a poem before, and so on that you can't live up to their degree of excellence. Your soul in your poems is searching within, and here it's even missing, "The soul that does not appear to be within my being at the present time." You've definitely captured this dark mood. Very well done! Les
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
|
Your poems seem to have a general theme. I sense in your writing as you mentioned the dead, your elders from a poem before, and so on that you can't live up to their degree of excellence. Your soul in your poems is searching within, and here it's even missing, "The soul that does not appear to be within my being at the present time." You've definitely captured this dark mood. Very well done! Les
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
-
I thank you so very much for such kind words...dark lord
