The Lost Letter
An old letter arrives.46 total reviews
Comment from ajdevore
Very well crafted. I like the way you bring the narrator's family into the story, which tells us a lot about the narrator. Because the mother had said he would always manage to get a letter through, it sort of telegraphs the ending, and the contents of the letter itself can't possibly live up to the promise. The hand on her shoulder is kind of corny. Maybe consider that she realizes who it's from and that it's to her mother, and therefore personal and she wouldn't read it because what was between her mother and father is somehow sacred, so she puts it somewhere special. Just a suggestion, because I love subtlety. I'm sure most others love it the way it is
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Very well crafted. I like the way you bring the narrator's family into the story, which tells us a lot about the narrator. Because the mother had said he would always manage to get a letter through, it sort of telegraphs the ending, and the contents of the letter itself can't possibly live up to the promise. The hand on her shoulder is kind of corny. Maybe consider that she realizes who it's from and that it's to her mother, and therefore personal and she wouldn't read it because what was between her mother and father is somehow sacred, so she puts it somewhere special. Just a suggestion, because I love subtlety. I'm sure most others love it the way it is
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your very kind and responsive review, ajdevore! This was written for a contest, but I decided against it after I had finished it. I have had lots of helpful reviews as to how I could improve it. I am going to rewrite it sometime soon, and see how it turns out. I really appreciate reviews like yours that offer constructive advice, so I thank you once more! xsx
Comment from tallahasseesmiles
Oh my this was a tearful piece. My husband being a 30 year Navy veteran I can only imagine the pain your mother felt not having him home all the time and what pain you must have felt. If this is a true story then my hat is off to you for being able to share something so emotional; if it is fiction, you can sure make people feel every word on your page. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Oh my this was a tearful piece. My husband being a 30 year Navy veteran I can only imagine the pain your mother felt not having him home all the time and what pain you must have felt. If this is a true story then my hat is off to you for being able to share something so emotional; if it is fiction, you can sure make people feel every word on your page. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you so very much for this really lovely review, tallahasseesmiles! I have to confess it is fiction, and I thank you for your wonderful comments as this is only the second one I've written. I think I might have another go at short stories! lol, I thought it would be rubbished! Thank you again, so much! xsx
Comment from RikkaLyn
What you have here is suspenseful and interesting; you held my attention to the end. I wish the story was thicker and more full though; maybe you could describe the address on the envelope and tell us something significant about each one. I am also very curious to know why the letter took so long to get there. Is there something supernatural at work?
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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What you have here is suspenseful and interesting; you held my attention to the end. I wish the story was thicker and more full though; maybe you could describe the address on the envelope and tell us something significant about each one. I am also very curious to know why the letter took so long to get there. Is there something supernatural at work?
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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LOL! This started out as a contest entry, which only allowed the use of so many words. In hindsight, when I realized it didn't comply with the storyline, I should have lengthened it with more detail. Thank you for the kind review, and the giggle, ghosts of the past didn't deliver it this time! Sandra.
Comment from Sloegin
A good story well written.
Maybe a little too much banging and thumping in the second paragraph.
You might want to try and develop a little suspense in who the letter is from. All the verbiage about her father took away from any suspense that it was from him.
Where do you plan to send this story to have it published?
sloegin
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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A good story well written.
Maybe a little too much banging and thumping in the second paragraph.
You might want to try and develop a little suspense in who the letter is from. All the verbiage about her father took away from any suspense that it was from him.
Where do you plan to send this story to have it published?
sloegin
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Sloegin, for your lovely review of this poem! I am not sending it anywhere, I don't think it's good enough, only my second attempt at short stories, and as you have said in this review, I need to develop a little suspense. I appreciate your comments on this, because I need to know what my writing needs, so I really do thank you for that. I am having a book published, it comes out at the end of this month, it's called
'Hedgerow Capers' and a second one has been commissioned for next year, they are children's poem/stories. They have been well received and the illustrator has done an amazing job. I am just trying out the short stories, if they get better I might ask Melrose to have a look at them, but I think I am way down the road to go there yet. Thank you again! :) Sandra.
Comment from janalma
I noticed no spags in this story. I am not really good on telling someone how to tell a story. I thought this one was good, myself. If I had written it, I would wonder about the part (heartwarming tho it is) about the interaction between the mother and son. I can almost hear a better critic than I am saying to drop it because it is not directly related to the story. But I could be very wrong. Personally, I enjoyed it. As I said, I never know, myself, when I am adding too much. Because I thought it was interesting and enjoyable I give it a five.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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I noticed no spags in this story. I am not really good on telling someone how to tell a story. I thought this one was good, myself. If I had written it, I would wonder about the part (heartwarming tho it is) about the interaction between the mother and son. I can almost hear a better critic than I am saying to drop it because it is not directly related to the story. But I could be very wrong. Personally, I enjoyed it. As I said, I never know, myself, when I am adding too much. Because I thought it was interesting and enjoyable I give it a five.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you, janalma, for your kind and thoughtful review. My reviews have been mixed on the subject of her son, some think it is what would happen in a normal household, and others think it's a distraction. Thank you also for the 5 stars! xsx
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's such a sweet, sad story. One little thing, just before she opens the letter, you have called your main character Martha in one paragraph and Mary in the next.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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That's such a sweet, sad story. One little thing, just before she opens the letter, you have called your main character Martha in one paragraph and Mary in the next.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your very kind and most observant review, Cindy! I hadn't noticed that and nor had anyone else!! I have changed it now, she is Martha again! Thank you. xsx
Comment from Leen1
This is a wonderful story, which I did enjoy. Once I began reading I felt I couldn't stop until finish, so in fact your story held my attention. The only thing I can offer as help is the over usage of commas: Example-She picked up her butter knife, and, wiping it on the kitchen roll- I don't know why there is a comma before and after the word "and". Some other sentences feature this factor as well. Other than that I feel you have a great story here.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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This is a wonderful story, which I did enjoy. Once I began reading I felt I couldn't stop until finish, so in fact your story held my attention. The only thing I can offer as help is the over usage of commas: Example-She picked up her butter knife, and, wiping it on the kitchen roll- I don't know why there is a comma before and after the word "and". Some other sentences feature this factor as well. Other than that I feel you have a great story here.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, Leen, I am so pleased you liked it! The commas weren't there when I first wrote it, but after some reviewers told me they needed to be put there, I went and put them in, punctuation never was a strong point of mine so I think I had better really brush up on it! Thank you so much for the advice, I think I will go back and change it again. Sandra. xsx
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I see. We stand together on the fact that punctuation is not a strong point. Those commas looked so strange to me. However, I have to admit that I like you will need to look into it. Now my curiousity has been peaked as to why the commas having such placing. I still say, you did a great job!
Comment from Meta~Mark
The lost letters and diary appears to be non-fiction with the emotions and well crafted words you use, and the letter in the end is very touching. Lonely and loving,,
BRAVO, 6 STARS!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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The lost letters and diary appears to be non-fiction with the emotions and well crafted words you use, and the letter in the end is very touching. Lonely and loving,,
BRAVO, 6 STARS!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Mark!! Thank you! You always make my day with your wonderful enthusiasm and wonderful words, thank you! And a big BIG thank your for the lovely 6 stars. xsx
Comment from Kirrily Morris
I enjoyed this story very much. I enjoyed the easy style and I enjoyed the conflict of the woman not wanting to read the letter, but being constrained to. I liked the normality you put into it with the child, which also added context, without that I wouldn't have really known how many years had passed. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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I enjoyed this story very much. I enjoyed the easy style and I enjoyed the conflict of the woman not wanting to read the letter, but being constrained to. I liked the normality you put into it with the child, which also added context, without that I wouldn't have really known how many years had passed. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thnk you so much for your lovely review, Kirrily! I am really very pleased you enjoyed it, thank you! :)
Comment from kiwisteveh
Sandra - nice story although perhaps a little predictable. The downgrade in stars is more for the incident with her son - there really seems no clear reason for including it. There could have been if it was to show a change in her character (perhaps after she had read the letter) but that is not the case. Everything in a short story must contribute to the totality of it.
I wonder if you considered other endings - perhaps the father was a violent man or a criminal and her mother had successfully hidden that secret from her for all those years...
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Sandra - nice story although perhaps a little predictable. The downgrade in stars is more for the incident with her son - there really seems no clear reason for including it. There could have been if it was to show a change in her character (perhaps after she had read the letter) but that is not the case. Everything in a short story must contribute to the totality of it.
I wonder if you considered other endings - perhaps the father was a violent man or a criminal and her mother had successfully hidden that secret from her for all those years...
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you, kiwisteveh, for this very thoughtful review. I am reading and taking all help and advice on board. I could never say I don't need constructive critism,this being only my second in story writing, poetry being my subject. So thank you again for this very helpful review. Sandra.
