Lupo Dexus (Duelists Book 1)
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Lion, Part 1"a disparate group of exiles is drawn together
14 total reviews
Comment from Selestia
Very good chapter. Held my interest. Xenn's character seems to be deeply disturbed. His father's decision to disown him creates suspense that makes the reader want to find out what happens next.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Very good chapter. Held my interest. Xenn's character seems to be deeply disturbed. His father's decision to disown him creates suspense that makes the reader want to find out what happens next.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Selestia :-). I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
He says, I mean, he thinks Xenn may be a threat to the public safety." ( a strong statement, especially after reading the rest of the post.)
You did a wonderful job with the descriptions. I felt I was there.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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He says, I mean, he thinks Xenn may be a threat to the public safety." ( a strong statement, especially after reading the rest of the post.)
You did a wonderful job with the descriptions. I felt I was there.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Barbara! Life's been getting in the way for a few weeks but hopefully I can get back to a more regular schedule now. So glad you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
You portray Xenn's mindset and his inner logic well that justifies his theft of a crossbow
ram, crush, clatter - you always come through with great high-impact verbs that add so much life, action, power to your scenes
Good natural-sounding dialogue, and your final paragraph is a textbook example of how to depict non-verbal communication :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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You portray Xenn's mindset and his inner logic well that justifies his theft of a crossbow
ram, crush, clatter - you always come through with great high-impact verbs that add so much life, action, power to your scenes
Good natural-sounding dialogue, and your final paragraph is a textbook example of how to depict non-verbal communication :-) Brooke
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Brooke! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter - it took me a while to put together.
Mike :-)
Comment from James crofoot
AHHHHHH! why'd you end it like that!? Man you're going to make us wait?!
Very good, very good. Great characters, And details - like the snow - and I really liked how you put in the boys thoughts on what was happening to him. Innocent in his mind and really kind of was a victim of circumstances. Good job.
Great cliff hanger ending. peace
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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AHHHHHH! why'd you end it like that!? Man you're going to make us wait?!
Very good, very good. Great characters, And details - like the snow - and I really liked how you put in the boys thoughts on what was happening to him. Innocent in his mind and really kind of was a victim of circumstances. Good job.
Great cliff hanger ending. peace
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Lol, thanks James :-) . I know, it's a gritty move of me, but I couldn't really make the chapter much longer if I wanted anyone to read it. More soon, I promise!
Mike
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Fleedleflump,
I'd say the kids done for his family now - big time, even if his father succeeds in pulling off this bit of administrative sleight of hand. I get the feeling that Xenn is either a paranoid schizophrenic or 'blessed' with some strnge power he's yet to discover and now being steered toward a future as a duelist perhaps?
Good chapter, plenty of material to keep the reader interested. I have to say, even in this 'fantasy' world, Arran hasn't managed to win my sympathy yet ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Hi Fleedleflump,
I'd say the kids done for his family now - big time, even if his father succeeds in pulling off this bit of administrative sleight of hand. I get the feeling that Xenn is either a paranoid schizophrenic or 'blessed' with some strnge power he's yet to discover and now being steered toward a future as a duelist perhaps?
Good chapter, plenty of material to keep the reader interested. I have to say, even in this 'fantasy' world, Arran hasn't managed to win my sympathy yet ...
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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All shall be revealed :-). Thanks, Patrick. Arran's heading into a major transition so hopefully he'll engage more as the story unfolds.
Mike
Comment from Torrence Winter
From what I can read it guesses to me that Xenn is possessed by a demon! I am a little concerned with your jumping back and forth through scenes. This will really confuse the reader as you have your scenes placed out short. You should try to lengthen your scenes. Or combine them.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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From what I can read it guesses to me that Xenn is possessed by a demon! I am a little concerned with your jumping back and forth through scenes. This will really confuse the reader as you have your scenes placed out short. You should try to lengthen your scenes. Or combine them.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Anya :-). I'm guaging the scene splicing technique's popularity. So far I have a vote for and one against, with most not mentioning it. I could handle it with Xenn's bits in italics while Arran and Melissa talk - that may give it a more holistic feel. I shall mull on it. Thanks so much for the feedback!
Mike
Comment from Hitcher
It appears young Zenn is a Psychopath in the making, and what was once only ticking has finally gone off with an uncontrolled bloody bang. Loved the flashes of imagery, the two scenes unfolding simultaneously, bloody brilliant writing mate, BRILLIANT!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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It appears young Zenn is a Psychopath in the making, and what was once only ticking has finally gone off with an uncontrolled bloody bang. Loved the flashes of imagery, the two scenes unfolding simultaneously, bloody brilliant writing mate, BRILLIANT!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Ah, thanks, Hitch! We're getting into the meat of the characters now the introductions are out the way. Glad you liked the intertwined scenes mate - it was a potentially awkward sequence.
Mike
Comment from TammyGail
I always hate giving you five stars Mike I'm out but I have a banner I'll use that - this was another stellar chapter vividly expressed throughout keeping my att loved your closing and ready for the next thanks for sharing always a pleasure
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I always hate giving you five stars Mike I'm out but I have a banner I'll use that - this was another stellar chapter vividly expressed throughout keeping my att loved your closing and ready for the next thanks for sharing always a pleasure
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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There aren't enough thanks in my head for all the wonderful promotions you've bestowed on this chapter, Tammy. Thanks so much! I'm so happy you liked it :-).
Mike
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ever welcome always love your writing Mike..
Comment from N.K. Wagner
This is a flawless write, Mike. You've made Xenn a schizophrenic. It's his fault, but not his fault. Sympathetic. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This is a flawless write, Mike. You've made Xenn a schizophrenic. It's his fault, but not his fault. Sympathetic. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Nancy :-). I'm glad the confusion and violence merged appropriately. Of course, there are many forces at work here...
Mike
Comment from Sasha
This is a fascinating chapter. You have done a marvelous job getting inside Xenn's head and conveying his fear and confusion. I am so glad I have read the previous chapters and this one adds intrigue and mystery to an already terrific story.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This is a fascinating chapter. You have done a marvelous job getting inside Xenn's head and conveying his fear and confusion. I am so glad I have read the previous chapters and this one adds intrigue and mystery to an already terrific story.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much! We're actually getting into some plot now, having introduced all the characters. I'm really glad you enjoyed it, my friend :-).
Mike
