Poems from a Pensive Poet
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Soul Searching"Verses from my heart
39 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Very clever write and done in some great quatrains. You picked a tough subject. I like this:
'Immortal essence' may for some
convey a deeper meaning.
It all depends on your belief,
the way your thoughts are leaning.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Very clever write and done in some great quatrains. You picked a tough subject. I like this:
'Immortal essence' may for some
convey a deeper meaning.
It all depends on your belief,
the way your thoughts are leaning.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Thank you, my friend. I appreciate the review and comments. I'm glad you liked it and told me your favorite verse.
Beth
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Smile.
Comment from Charlene0513
A depth of meaning can be evoked from this poem as be all live, breathe and believe differently.
Our souls are not ours to control but it is the an endless cycle towards infinity that we are not to know of.
Charlene
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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A depth of meaning can be evoked from this poem as be all live, breathe and believe differently.
Our souls are not ours to control but it is the an endless cycle towards infinity that we are not to know of.
Charlene
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Thank you Charlene, I really appreciate your review and comments.
Beth
Comment from marion
Hi there,
I can't believe I'm coming into your PF and am beginning with a six star review. Firstly, I believe writing to this prompt would have been rather difficult. I'll rephrase that, writing such a good piece on the topic. I imagined a rehash of old things, but you've approached it with originality. I love that end line. Perfect!
A couple of little things:
The end line of stanza 2 may need a full stop, to be consistent with all the other stanza's?
I think because you have used speech marks (") for the speech in stanza 1, 'Immortal essence', and 'soul' should be in single, as I don't read them as speech?
Ignore if I'm wrong!
Stunning artwork and presentation.
Marion.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Hi there,
I can't believe I'm coming into your PF and am beginning with a six star review. Firstly, I believe writing to this prompt would have been rather difficult. I'll rephrase that, writing such a good piece on the topic. I imagined a rehash of old things, but you've approached it with originality. I love that end line. Perfect!
A couple of little things:
The end line of stanza 2 may need a full stop, to be consistent with all the other stanza's?
I think because you have used speech marks (") for the speech in stanza 1, 'Immortal essence', and 'soul' should be in single, as I don't read them as speech?
Ignore if I'm wrong!
Stunning artwork and presentation.
Marion.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Wow! Marion, Thank you ever so much for the review and the six stars. I'm so pleased that you liked it and your suggestion are right on target. Thanks for the help.
Beth
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this poem about the different meanings of soul, i enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this poem about the different meanings of soul, i enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments and good wishes.
Comment from poesyapprentice
Loved it! It had a good flow to it and was insightful and well worded. I liked the fact that you left it open to the reader to make their own choice instead of projecting your beliefs and that you left some mystery in it by not even telling what your beliefs were. The first two verses were great, even if you don't believe them : ) Really liked thus says the preacher. Really good! Blessings!
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Loved it! It had a good flow to it and was insightful and well worded. I liked the fact that you left it open to the reader to make their own choice instead of projecting your beliefs and that you left some mystery in it by not even telling what your beliefs were. The first two verses were great, even if you don't believe them : ) Really liked thus says the preacher. Really good! Blessings!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you os much for the review and for the affirming comments.
I really appreciate what you had to say. I'm so glad you liked it.
Comment from humpwhistle
Your sentiments mirror mine. Maybe 'soul' is personal, even if some like to tie it into something bigger.
I like you all-inclusive take on the subject.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Your sentiments mirror mine. Maybe 'soul' is personal, even if some like to tie it into something bigger.
I like you all-inclusive take on the subject.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Lee, I'm glad we're on the same page. Some complained because I didn't express what I feel on the subject. Thank for the review and remarks.
Peace to you as well.
Comment from mossmouse
Quite introspective and "cute" at the same time. Good flow to your work as I thoroughly enjoyed the reading. I was curious, should "breath" be "breathe" in that one line? May your work be blessed in the contest...Mossmouse
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Quite introspective and "cute" at the same time. Good flow to your work as I thoroughly enjoyed the reading. I was curious, should "breath" be "breathe" in that one line? May your work be blessed in the contest...Mossmouse
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the comments. Someone else asked me about Breath vs breathe. In the US breath is a noun and breathe is a verb. I wanted the noun. I appreciate your good wishes.
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As a writer who takes a lot of "poetic " license with my stuff, I read yours as living and breathing which show action to me. But you are free to ask me to hold my "breath" and turn blue....LOL Mossmouse
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I understand. I've always heard the quote from the Bible that says God breathed into man the Breath of life and man because a living soul. I guess that is where I was coming from.
Comment from ennahanid
I enjoyed reading your soul entry here. It is well-thought out and different and liked the fact that you did not try to put/push it into one small way of thinking, allowed for other views...good grief! I know what I am trying to say LOL
Thanks for the read this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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I enjoyed reading your soul entry here. It is well-thought out and different and liked the fact that you did not try to put/push it into one small way of thinking, allowed for other views...good grief! I know what I am trying to say LOL
Thanks for the read this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thanks so much, Dianh. I really appreciate the review and I enjoyed your comments.
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Despite the meter being jumpy in places, I really enjoyed your poem. I like your fair and open-mindedness, and the last line is terrific (my 'swing' is the same).
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Despite the meter being jumpy in places, I really enjoyed your poem. I like your fair and open-mindedness, and the last line is terrific (my 'swing' is the same).
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you Ray, I really appreciate the review and nice comments. It's good to know your swing the same as mine. LOL I wish you'd mentioned where the meter is jumpy so I could try to fix it.
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The majority is perfect meter to my ear, writteh in 8 syllable then 7 syllable lines (8787 stanzas), but I make 3 lines 'out as follows:
Some say the soul connects with God TETRA
and can never be destroyed. TETRA WRONGLY â?? MAYBE [AND CAN NEâ??ER BE DESTROYED]
It goes on living past the grave TETRA
to Paradise redeployed. TETRA â?? MAYBE [TO PARADISE DEPLOYED]
"Soul" may to some mean melody TETRA
which rocks the inner being SEVEN
Rhythms that make the body move, [â??RHY-thmsâ?? HAS EMPHASISE WRONGLY ON 1ST SYLLABLE]
all inhibitions freeing. SEVEN
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I really appreciate you going to this trouble. I see what your saying in the second stanza you mention and I've changed the wording. UK people pronounce words a bit differently than we do in the US. To me deployed and destroyed are two syllables. Maybe they are three for you? If I write it the way you suggest, it seems to me I'm shorting seven syllable lines to six. Maybe I'm wrong. I do appreciate you help and you'll get a nomination for reviewer of the month from me.
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You're very gracious.
I agree 'des-TROYED' and 'de-PLOYED' are 2 syllables, but in the line:
[and can never be destroyed'], you switch from emphasising the 2nd and then alternate syllables, as in other lines, as otherwise, to retain meter, 'ne-VER' would need the emphasis as I've typed here.
In the other line, you wroye 'RE-dip-LOYED', and NOT 'DE-ployed', which through the meter for me.
I make mistakes too and am always open to constructive ctitique, as your graciousness shows you are too. x
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I see you are correct. Thanks again for you help.
Comment from angela59
love the twist and humour in the poem. can't think of anything that i would change, as it seems to have just the right balance of question and statement at the end. angela59
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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love the twist and humour in the poem. can't think of anything that i would change, as it seems to have just the right balance of question and statement at the end. angela59
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you Angela, I'm so glad you liked the poem. I really appreciate the review and comments.
