The Devil's Name is Joey
This is a TRUE story.42 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is a terrific story. Awesome descriptions and a marvelous entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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This is a terrific story. Awesome descriptions and a marvelous entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Sasha. I'm glad you liked it. It's inspiration is even stranger than the story. I just got lucky with this writing prompt being such a perfect fit. Once I read that prompt I knew exactly what I had to enter. I've been telling friends and family I met the devil in person for years.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. It's truly appreciated.
Comment from tinlight
A fine yarn, with just enough ambiguity to keep it interesting. There are some nice bits of atmosphere here, such as when Joey bares his (unexpectedly) small, perfect teeth. Freaky, like a changeling! I also like "He lied right through his giddy shit-eating grin." Just one minor spelling issue: in "his shirt open to show off his pecks", it should be "pecs" as in PECtoral muscles. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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A fine yarn, with just enough ambiguity to keep it interesting. There are some nice bits of atmosphere here, such as when Joey bares his (unexpectedly) small, perfect teeth. Freaky, like a changeling! I also like "He lied right through his giddy shit-eating grin." Just one minor spelling issue: in "his shirt open to show off his pecks", it should be "pecs" as in PECtoral muscles. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Kool, a spelling mistake. I hadn't expected anyone to find a spag issue. Excellent eyes, Tin, and I thank you for mentioning it. Now my story's perfect. lol Well, grammatically anyway.
So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from GroundedAngel
Oh, that's spooky. I agree with you, I don't think he was an angel. Unless his name was Lucifer. Glad you flushed the stuff. Very unusual story. I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Oh, that's spooky. I agree with you, I don't think he was an angel. Unless his name was Lucifer. Glad you flushed the stuff. Very unusual story. I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Thank you, GA. I'm glad you liked it. It's truly my creepiest memory (and that's saying something since I've worked in Prisons, hospitals and morgues). Now, I've finally written it all down... and when I finished and reread it, I got even more creeped out by it. LOL
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from tallahasseesmiles
Really intersting story and very different from what I had expected. I hope there is more to come that really had my attention.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Really intersting story and very different from what I had expected. I hope there is more to come that really had my attention.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
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Hey, TM...
Actually, no. LOL It's rare that I write non-fiction. I'm a fiction writer by nature (as you might have noticed from the obvious artistic license I took in telling my story).
However, I'm so glad it entertained. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from crazy gemini
good story and well written it keeps your attention. interestibg that its true maybe you were being tested in some way but it sounds pretty freaky
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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good story and well written it keeps your attention. interestibg that its true maybe you were being tested in some way but it sounds pretty freaky
Comment Written 26-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Hi, CG (love the moniker, btw).
I don't know about the test so much... I'm certain I would have failed that test had I not returned to find my beautiful, sexy and completely 'out-of-her-mind' girlfriend sleeping.
What are the odds of that?
A test? I don't know. Joey knew I'd fail. Maybe a guardian angel put Gina to bed because he/she/it knew that as well?
When I became born again (I'm not anymore, having discarded my faith), my pasteur paid me the highest of compliments by saying, "Hallelujah! Today, in you Chris, the Lord has recruited a savvy and fearless General for His army in the war against evil."
If there really were such a thing as the devil, then maybe he was out doing some recruiting of his own.
Glad you liked my tale. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Christian
Comment from Mike Battaglia
An extremely well-told tale, incorporative of the prompt, but without actually pointing it out. Relatably human in the protagonist's weakness. Creepy, but without you trying very hard to be, and that's because the story speaks for itself. Your author's notes not only provide the twist, but punch home the creepiness in that you say this is a true story. It's almost too strange not to believe. Good job chopping it down to size, but at the same time I almost wish I could have read the extended version. "Joey" is so far from what anyone would depict the devil to be, but you've made him exactly that; in his dialogue especially. Some nice alliterative description at the begining to set the tone and stage. A very well written piece, and a contender in the contest I would think. Applause.
(;
--11g
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2012
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An extremely well-told tale, incorporative of the prompt, but without actually pointing it out. Relatably human in the protagonist's weakness. Creepy, but without you trying very hard to be, and that's because the story speaks for itself. Your author's notes not only provide the twist, but punch home the creepiness in that you say this is a true story. It's almost too strange not to believe. Good job chopping it down to size, but at the same time I almost wish I could have read the extended version. "Joey" is so far from what anyone would depict the devil to be, but you've made him exactly that; in his dialogue especially. Some nice alliterative description at the begining to set the tone and stage. A very well written piece, and a contender in the contest I would think. Applause.
(;
--11g
Comment Written 25-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2012
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Thanks 11, so glad you liked my weird tale. I work for Stop and Shop as a tech and was just called out this morning to a new store they built last year. I'm sitting in the parking lot, writing this answer to your review, and guess where they built the Stop and Shop supermarket... that's right. I'm parked in the exact spot that old bar used to occupy.
Strange... I haven't been to this part of town in about twenty years. Yet here I am... answering you... and sitting where the inspiration for this tale began.
So strange... I really couldn't invent any of this. It's too silly, unbelievable and doesn't have any 'over-the-top' flashy action or occurances.
Yet... It's always creeped me out... and, right now, it's really freakin' creeping me out! I've got to get the hell out of here. LOL
Christian
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Christian
This reply could practically serve as a sequal to your story! How lucky you are to be a writer with the Twilight Zone-ish things that happen to you hahaha! I shall be back into your portfolio, sir. Count on it.
--11g (Mike)
Comment from joann r romei
This was great, and I loved the male voice telling the story, one suggestion you may want to add is Gina wants the drugs early on, so the reader can connect later, why did you flush it, a sentence explaining would be good so the reader knows exactly why, ooohhh A guido Demon,, being a Jersey girl guidette I lloooovvvveeee iiiittt..
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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This was great, and I loved the male voice telling the story, one suggestion you may want to add is Gina wants the drugs early on, so the reader can connect later, why did you flush it, a sentence explaining would be good so the reader knows exactly why, ooohhh A guido Demon,, being a Jersey girl guidette I lloooovvvveeee iiiittt..
Comment Written 22-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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LOL.. kool review, Joann. Yes, the original story has the conflict introduced at the beginning, with my girlfriend wanting to use (and do so by going to see her drug dealing ex-boyfriend, which meant sex with him/breaking up with me.) And the flushing isn't outright explained in the original, but I think my initial objections to using coke in the longer version probably negated the need for that in that one. There just wasn't any room in this one to add much.
I only had a thousand words to describe all that... and it weren't easy!
Finally, yes. The Devil was a guido! Late twenties, but could have been a young-looking late thirties, Shoulder length, semi-curled thick bush of sandy blond hair...yet movie actor stylish... and strong features... quite handsome I think. EXTREMELY confident and well-spoken, yet personable... the smile was fiendish and never stopped.
It's actually a scary memory for me. That's why I wrote this.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Christian
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Oh he sounds dreamy and the perfect thing for me... Where was that bar again?
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I understand allure of the bad boy, Joann, but methinks this infatuation of yours takes it a bit too far. If you must know, then here's how you get there...
Directions to 'Joey's' Bar...
1. Live life of sin.
2. Die
3. Instead of going into light, follow sound of 'Sweet Home Alabama' and glasses clinking.
...Have fun, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Christian
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Well when you put it like that, I'll have to fine the good version of Joey,
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Hey, I'm the good version!!! lol You single?
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Hahhaha, No im married, and with three sons have enough men in my life,, thats why the devil was so tempting, hahahhah
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LOL funny... You're all talk, Joann!
Christian
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Let me shut up now, or my horns will come out
Comment from Picolae
VERY INTERESTING STORY AND DUE THAT IT BASED ON REAL OCCURRENCE I CAN SAY THAT I LIKE THE END AND I HOPE THAT IT WAS AN EYE OPENING FOR YOU. THE ONLY PART OF THE STORY THAT I DON'T LIKE IS THAT YOU MENTION HE SAID YOU WILL BE BACK FOR MORE AND IN THE STORY IT WAS NOT CLEAR THAT WAS THE REASON WHY YOU CAME BACK TO LOOK FOR HIM , BUT HEADS UP THIS WAS A GOOD NARRATIVE .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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VERY INTERESTING STORY AND DUE THAT IT BASED ON REAL OCCURRENCE I CAN SAY THAT I LIKE THE END AND I HOPE THAT IT WAS AN EYE OPENING FOR YOU. THE ONLY PART OF THE STORY THAT I DON'T LIKE IS THAT YOU MENTION HE SAID YOU WILL BE BACK FOR MORE AND IN THE STORY IT WAS NOT CLEAR THAT WAS THE REASON WHY YOU CAME BACK TO LOOK FOR HIM , BUT HEADS UP THIS WAS A GOOD NARRATIVE .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Pic. Sorry for the confusion, but that's understandable. I cut this down from 1700 words to 1000 for the contest. The fact is, he predicted I'd be back within and HOUR, but my girlfriend, who had sent me out, was sleeping when I got to her house. So, I had no reason to go out within the hour. I went the next week Just to talk, but he was long gone. (I think it strange that my girlfriend fell asleep so easy and early, when she had been so determined to use drugs, don't you. My only answer is that there are good forces at work too, and maybe, someone who likes me, put her to sleep...or sh just dozed off.. lol)
Christian
Comment from Curtis Hatch
The story is interesting and engaging from the beginning. You paint the scene and characters in a realistic and believable manner. It is a good read. Curtis
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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The story is interesting and engaging from the beginning. You paint the scene and characters in a realistic and believable manner. It is a good read. Curtis
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Curtis... and every word was true, too. As ridiculous as it sounds. I had to cut this version below a thousand words for the contest from the original 1,700 word account, but it's basically all there.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from Donya Quijote
This was, in my opinion, a well written and interesting story. I think you developed the scene very well and the two principle characters. I think the beginning could probably use a little revision. I tell you this because I always get nailed by reviewers for my use of the passive voice. If you are lucky and better reviewer might give you more details than I can at this point. Good job and good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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This was, in my opinion, a well written and interesting story. I think you developed the scene very well and the two principle characters. I think the beginning could probably use a little revision. I tell you this because I always get nailed by reviewers for my use of the passive voice. If you are lucky and better reviewer might give you more details than I can at this point. Good job and good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Don. I appreciate your reading and taking the time to comment. As for the editing... well, I cut this down from 1,700 words to under a thousand. I've had it with editing. lol
Thanks so much, though.
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I don't blame you. It was just a suggestion. You can always tell the full story as well as make changes later. I'm working on revisions too.
