The Devil's Name is Joey
This is a TRUE story.42 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's weird. I wonder if Joey knew you flushed the coke. I'm not inclined to believe in the devil, and I know drug dealers will sometimes give away free samples to get someone hooked, but that Stephen King type party has me stumped. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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That's weird. I wonder if Joey knew you flushed the coke. I'm not inclined to believe in the devil, and I know drug dealers will sometimes give away free samples to get someone hooked, but that Stephen King type party has me stumped. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Hi Cindy, I'm with you. I didn't and don't believe any of this. The fact that it happened to ME makes it all the more disconcerting. I'd expect to hear something like this from some crackpot, a horoscope believing nut nobody can trust to tell the truth anyway.
Imagine how I felt when that woman told me she hadn't rented the back function hall in two years?
I've been creeped out for two decades! LOL
Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
Christian
Comment from barkingdog
This is a very fascinating story. Who or what Joey was, I guess we'll never know for sure, but it's a good thing that you flushed that packet or you might just have found out.
You kept the mystery going with fine timing and your dialogue is very natural. Joey came across as really creepy and you cautious and only willing because you had had too much to drink.
I like your story. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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This is a very fascinating story. Who or what Joey was, I guess we'll never know for sure, but it's a good thing that you flushed that packet or you might just have found out.
You kept the mystery going with fine timing and your dialogue is very natural. Joey came across as really creepy and you cautious and only willing because you had had too much to drink.
I like your story. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thanks, BD. Glad you liked it. Contest is over and I went down in flames. Could be worse... could have really gone 'down in flames'. lol
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Christian
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Whoo not a good thought.(the latter in quotes)
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Yep, this was a good story and well-told. After your remark that it was ''better'' than mine, I kinda wanted to tear it to shit, but there's no place to do so, so I won't.
Still don't think it's any ''better'' or ''worse'' than mine, technically, and that's the only standard by which two totally different approaches can be quantified or judged.
Other than that, it's like comparing grapefruits with elephant turds. Kinda pointless and silly. To me, there's only two kinds of writing. Good and bad.
This was good, and so was mine. The rest has to do with a certain undefinable quality, sometimes known as style. An element which cannot be measured on any sort of scale.
cheers
js
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Yep, this was a good story and well-told. After your remark that it was ''better'' than mine, I kinda wanted to tear it to shit, but there's no place to do so, so I won't.
Still don't think it's any ''better'' or ''worse'' than mine, technically, and that's the only standard by which two totally different approaches can be quantified or judged.
Other than that, it's like comparing grapefruits with elephant turds. Kinda pointless and silly. To me, there's only two kinds of writing. Good and bad.
This was good, and so was mine. The rest has to do with a certain undefinable quality, sometimes known as style. An element which cannot be measured on any sort of scale.
cheers
js
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Hi JS... LOL thanks for the belly laugh. I loved the symbolic vehicle you used with the 'grapefruits vs elephant turds'... which do you consider more embodies my work, I wonder?
Funny that you're reading it for the first time. Since, as an author, you have to vote for a competitor's piece before being able to view results in the booth, I must be odd, reading all the entries in the contest before actually voting for one. lol
That's right, yet another dig from yours truly, but don't take it personal. I'm CERTAIN you are not alone. I'd also imagine some contestants vote for the worst piece they see. I've actually considered it, not wanting to give the 'good' competition my vote, but my accursed conscious gets the better of me every time.
Now, first off, I'm a bit biased. I'm always going to think my work is the best work, except, of course, when I don't think that, which can happen. It didn't in this case, and I could offer arguments, but who really cares?
The fact is, like I said, your moody well-penned commentary on the evils of Carnaval deserved to win. So did my piece and I think one other piece as well, umm, what was that.. Oh, Two Bullets... and 'Jeffism' deserved to win too, I think.
There were so many good ones this time around I was quite impressed with the contest. I didn't expect to win this one because of it, especially after I read yours.
Do you know how many contests I've lost to a piece like yours? Voters love that moody descriptive drivel. LOL It absolutely drives me nuts.
Although, once mastered and if used properly, that shit will get you famous. I'd like to read some of your stuff with characters, conflict and a plot. Any suggestions... keeping in mind that if there are any loose threads, I'm going to pull on them. And, if I find anything hanging it's getting ripped off the wall. LOL
Oh, and I'm becoming your fan. It's more of a 'keep your enemies closer' thing. That way I can check your profile, and if you're entering any contest submissions, can steer clear of that landslide. lol
And thanks for taking the time to read my work and blah, blah, blah...
Christian
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Ok, tough guy, if you wanna read some of my stuff with characters, conflict and a plot, just go to my portfolio and start reading my novel, NARCISA. It's posted there in two ''books'', which are actually just part 1 and part 2 of the same book.
It would be an honor to have an intelligent reader and competent writer such as yourself critique the work -- bearing in mind that it's a complete book, and must, therefore be read and commented on from the beginning - no skipping chapters and no reading shit out of context, FanStory style.
And if there are any loose threads, please do feel invited to pull on them all you want. That's what they're here for. My shit is about to get rocketed into the big time with major publishers kicking and screaming for it, and my focus is to make sure it's tough as nails and smooth as a baby's ass when it gets out into the 'real' world, beyond the warm and fuzzy, ego-feeding, ass-kissing, shit-shoveling fantasy land of Oz.
cheers and happy hunting, pal!
js
Comment from Kirrily Morris
This story gripped me right from the start. The tension was perfectly executed, and left me wanting more at the end. The strange dude, Joey, was scary especially when the guy went to find him again. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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This story gripped me right from the start. The tension was perfectly executed, and left me wanting more at the end. The strange dude, Joey, was scary especially when the guy went to find him again. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Hi Kirrily,
Thanks for the honest assessment. I'll do the same for you. I'm curious what made this hum-drum for you, but maybe your rating system is different than most, and that's fine too.
Christian
Comment from kiwisteveh
Strong story, whether or not it was true. I liked the werewolf allusions and the description of your desperation.
Possibly you went on too long - I would have been tempted to end it at 'you got the wrong place.'
Good luck.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Strong story, whether or not it was true. I liked the werewolf allusions and the description of your desperation.
Possibly you went on too long - I would have been tempted to end it at 'you got the wrong place.'
Good luck.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Interesting idea, K. Ending it there certainly would have given the creepiest part of the story more impact.
I'll mull that over. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Christian
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Christian,
The picture you chose freaks me out! In fact your story does the same. Your good writing skills are apparent in every line of this story and I was engaged in it from beginning to end. The story line is chilling and compelling. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi Christian,
The picture you chose freaks me out! In fact your story does the same. Your good writing skills are apparent in every line of this story and I was engaged in it from beginning to end. The story line is chilling and compelling. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi Chey,
I'm glad I could entertain you to that extent with this. Thanks for taking the time to read and shower my story with such gratifying compliments. It's much appreciated.
No, it failed to win the contest, but I'm glad I entered it. Cutting this down for that contest was the best thing that could have happened to it. The result, I think, is a drastic improvement. It reads like one of those gumshoe detective narratives now... but with claws and goosebumps. lol
Christian
Comment from Meta~Mark
The Devil's Name is Joey in this wild ride of cocaine bars, an offer but from who of that white powder of a lucid dream or reality in this The Very Devil Of A Contest!
awesome story, kept me on the edge of my proverbial bar stool wanting more, keep em coming!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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The Devil's Name is Joey in this wild ride of cocaine bars, an offer but from who of that white powder of a lucid dream or reality in this The Very Devil Of A Contest!
awesome story, kept me on the edge of my proverbial bar stool wanting more, keep em coming!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you for reading and commenting in your always-enjoyable lyrical style, M.M. So glad you liked it.
Keep them coming, eh? Hmmm, well, I'm not a believer in the supernatural, quite the opposite. However, I did live in what everyone else considers to be an extremely haunted house... I guess I could revisit my past madcap metaphysical misadventures one more time.
Thanks for the inspiration. I just may write about that.
Christian
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, christian, you did a great job telling this story about that night, gives me the chills to think about it, did you get any votes for the contest?
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, christian, you did a great job telling this story about that night, gives me the chills to think about it, did you get any votes for the contest?
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Absolutely, I recieved five or six votes, I think. Didn't win, but I'm happy with the tale and that's a win in my book.
I'm hoping you enjoyed the chills. I kind of liked relating this odd event from my past. I'm a rational and reasonable guy, but this does defy reason. Next up... I think I'll tell my ghost story. LoL.. also true, of course.
Christian
Comment from MikoAmaya
Wow, what a story. And yes, editing out anything even semi-useless to the story tends to make it much better. Great job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Wow, what a story. And yes, editing out anything even semi-useless to the story tends to make it much better. Great job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Glad you liked it, Miko. It lost the contest to a fictional story without any characters, dialogue or plot, but who ever said voters had good judgment? Just look at all our politicians. LOL
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Christian
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lol Yes, I've run into this problem too, especially on the poetry side. Either way, I still think it deserved the win. :)
Comment from Richard Reader
Hello,
I don't have much time to write this so sorry for the brevity. Interesting story, and confusing. I think that Joey is a good character, and is rather creepy. It may have been better if he could have been fleshed out a little more (since I found his character really interesting), but it's understandable when there are length restrictions. One little passage particularly stood out to me "Effective werewolves need claws and a soul-shaking howl. I had my D.O.C. licensed handgun, so my werewolf had claws, but I needed alcohol to get a good howl going." It really put me in the mind of the narrator.
A couple small things, first of all in the first two paragraphs you use the word moon 4 times. I like the moon as recurring symbol, and the whole werewolf thing you got going on, but maybe you could call it by something else. Secondly you talk about the guys "shit eating grin" a couple of times. Just seems a little cliche, and Joey is an interesting character and seems anything but cliche.
Well good luck with the contest. I guess the review was a little longer than I thought I would be able to write.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hello,
I don't have much time to write this so sorry for the brevity. Interesting story, and confusing. I think that Joey is a good character, and is rather creepy. It may have been better if he could have been fleshed out a little more (since I found his character really interesting), but it's understandable when there are length restrictions. One little passage particularly stood out to me "Effective werewolves need claws and a soul-shaking howl. I had my D.O.C. licensed handgun, so my werewolf had claws, but I needed alcohol to get a good howl going." It really put me in the mind of the narrator.
A couple small things, first of all in the first two paragraphs you use the word moon 4 times. I like the moon as recurring symbol, and the whole werewolf thing you got going on, but maybe you could call it by something else. Secondly you talk about the guys "shit eating grin" a couple of times. Just seems a little cliche, and Joey is an interesting character and seems anything but cliche.
Well good luck with the contest. I guess the review was a little longer than I thought I would be able to write.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi Rich,
That wasn't brief at all... I'd like to see what happens when you've got some time to kill. LOL
Anyway, all good points. Yes, the 'shit-eating grin' cliche is used too much here. Thanks for pointing that out... but what to replace it with, that's the question...
As for the moon thing, I'm kind of stuck with the repetative use unless I start taking out sentences. But, because of the poetic nature of that word, I think I can get away with it... and it sort of adds a mood and a flavor, I think.
Kool, Rich, thanks for reading and commenting.
