All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "You are ... Are you?"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
97 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Congratulations girl on winning this contest with this poem. Yer just an ol' hippie looking in the mirror and saying, hey I still look great!!!!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2012
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Congratulations girl on winning this contest with this poem. Yer just an ol' hippie looking in the mirror and saying, hey I still look great!!!!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2012
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we hold on to our illusions, don't we!?
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Only with you it's quite true.
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naturally ...
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Of course!!
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'cause (tap tap) ... I got the BEADS baby ... grow like WEEDS baby ... love till it BLEEDS baby ...
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Smile.
Comment from adewpearl
love the alliterative Beatle's bliss :-)
good alliteration in phrases like burn your bra and set your sights
great specific details that conjure up my teens
excellent rhyme and internal rhyme
Fantastic pairing of first and second sections - I love the attitude of the speaker :-) And I think people who rate down for "bad words" ought to take up crocheting instead of reading and writing. LOL Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2012
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love the alliterative Beatle's bliss :-)
good alliteration in phrases like burn your bra and set your sights
great specific details that conjure up my teens
excellent rhyme and internal rhyme
Fantastic pairing of first and second sections - I love the attitude of the speaker :-) And I think people who rate down for "bad words" ought to take up crocheting instead of reading and writing. LOL Brooke
Comment Written 19-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2012
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thx Brooke!
Comment from GE Parson
Very true to life of the 60's I grew up in the 50's thru the 70's so I recognized everything you wrote: the long hair big yellow bus (V W van) and no intimidation about nudity and promiscuity. Anyway I myself could go on and on about those happy days of irresponsibility.
I like the cadence of the poem and how everything rhymed.
The reason I gave this poem a 4 star rating, was because of the unnecessary cuss words. I realize that is just me, a retired Pastor, but I am what I am when it comes to coarse language.
That said, you certainly show a natural talent for putting words together in descriptive poetic form. GEParson
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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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Very true to life of the 60's I grew up in the 50's thru the 70's so I recognized everything you wrote: the long hair big yellow bus (V W van) and no intimidation about nudity and promiscuity. Anyway I myself could go on and on about those happy days of irresponsibility.
I like the cadence of the poem and how everything rhymed.
The reason I gave this poem a 4 star rating, was because of the unnecessary cuss words. I realize that is just me, a retired Pastor, but I am what I am when it comes to coarse language.
That said, you certainly show a natural talent for putting words together in descriptive poetic form. GEParson
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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aah - GE - I must take you to task and ask you to rate only on technique and the poem itself - to score low because you don't like a word is NOT complying with reviewing guidelines my dear. Best not to rate it at all if you find something "objectionable" in a piece that doesn't happen to line up with your own, surely?
Comment from Elladella
Yeah ... Never "look back in anger"...
I enjoyed your two-paced look in the mirror - good sense of humor, well crafted, sharp but not bitter, fun but not complacent.
I am Glad you end with the remark:
... love is all that matters,
Yeah.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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Yeah ... Never "look back in anger"...
I enjoyed your two-paced look in the mirror - good sense of humor, well crafted, sharp but not bitter, fun but not complacent.
I am Glad you end with the remark:
... love is all that matters,
Yeah.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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What a great play that was! I'm glad I end with that remark too, believe me!
Comment from fairydancer
I absolutely love this! What a great entry to this contest and such a different take. The picture is brilliant too, and the bright presentation.
Best of luck - Cally :)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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I absolutely love this! What a great entry to this contest and such a different take. The picture is brilliant too, and the bright presentation.
Best of luck - Cally :)
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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thx so much Cally for your magic '6'!
Comment from Kingsland
The love fields of the sixties died in cynicism. All you need is love seemed to die with John Lennon. What the world needs now is love sweet love. It's the only thing Jackie Deshannon thought about. I enjoyed reading your poem. It has good imagery and humor in its poetic verve... John
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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The love fields of the sixties died in cynicism. All you need is love seemed to die with John Lennon. What the world needs now is love sweet love. It's the only thing Jackie Deshannon thought about. I enjoyed reading your poem. It has good imagery and humor in its poetic verve... John
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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thx John!
Comment from rama devi
What fun! This definitely catpures a sixtie's flavor and a later-subdued-hippie flavor still lignering with wonderful satirical overtones that are lightweight and witty. Enjoyed the lyrical rock-song style free verse flow with the repeated baby fefrain working well to capture the tone of the time. Fun details and fine memories...delivered in unique style. Yeah, Baby! Keep the lovelight burnin'
One spag
know all the naked beaches butt
did you mean butt as a pun or is it a typo 't' on BUT ??
Fun presentation overall, with pic and poem well matched
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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What fun! This definitely catpures a sixtie's flavor and a later-subdued-hippie flavor still lignering with wonderful satirical overtones that are lightweight and witty. Enjoyed the lyrical rock-song style free verse flow with the repeated baby fefrain working well to capture the tone of the time. Fun details and fine memories...delivered in unique style. Yeah, Baby! Keep the lovelight burnin'
One spag
know all the naked beaches butt
did you mean butt as a pun or is it a typo 't' on BUT ??
Fun presentation overall, with pic and poem well matched
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2012
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thx so much rd - and yes, you're right, the spag isn't spag ... I'll pop that in author notes!!!
