Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Strong, high-impact verbs give life to your story from the first paragraph on
Who wouldn't read a chapter that starts right off with a severed head tumbling through the air? LOL
Love the humor of the straw man :-)
Good eroticism in the kissing scene
I like the mix of humor and lust
Excellent dialogue throughout Brooke

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2012

Thank you, Brooke :-). My younger characters start off less jaded than the others, but there's time yet, lol. Glad you liked this chapter!

Mike

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

Fu*k mate, you weren't lying when you said there was going to be a shit load of characters to introduce and keep tabs on, this must have been a mission to write, and I know you won't even have scratched the surface with them yet, impressive Mike, very impressive mate...The Plot thickens :)

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2012

The original got written over years, and these early chapters were started about the time I left school, so it's been great fun reading them and reimagining the scenes. From each group of characters, generally, will come one main character, and then the overall plot brings them together...

Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Hey there Mike
man, I have to tell you that you have gotten my attention. I enjoyed your attention to detail in this chapter. Keep on keeping on Pal, I am with you
Bear

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2012

Thanks so much, Bear - I'm glad you;re on board :-).

Mike

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

I guess I missed this one Mike = had to go back and read the both of them again to get the full feel ever happy I did as you didn't disappoint - powerful closing leading into your other chapter - thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012

Thank you, Tammy :-). I wouldn't normally post 2 in a single evening, but I was on a roll! Really happy you enjoyed the read.

Mike

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Excellent work with this chapter. I really like the characters. Great descriptions and nice pacing with this too. It seems that Lord Barlon may be a Duelist in the making.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

I'm tempted to say these are some of my favourite characters, but I rather like all of them, so it would probably be misleading! Thanks so much, my friend :-).

Mike

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You have a little romance going on with this fantasy fiction novel. I, for one, think that's a really good thing. This is another great post.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

Thanks again, Barbara :-). I try to explore different types of storyline with each set of characters - hopefully, that'll come out as the story progresses. So glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from James crofoot

Excellent

Yes, I'm enjoying this very much so far. Little bit of action, love, conflict. Really good character building. Good, good. keep them coming. I really couldn't find any fault in this, excellent writing.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

Thank you, James! I'm almost done with the character introductions now. I may have to do a proper plot map this time, as I think the old version of this story had a few holes!

Mike

Comment from Selestia

Excellent

I did like reading this chapater. The characters are extremely clear and the conflict regarding what appears a self-defense murder raises natural questions and predictions about what will come. Good foreshadowing regarding Rhianna. Excellent.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

Thank you for the encouraging review, Selestia :-). There are many plans ahead for Barlon, and the myriad other characters whose paths he'll cross!

Mike

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

Another duelist in the making? I like Barlon. I'm anxious to see how all this comes together, Mike. You have good pacing that spans the posts. It'll be a pleasure to read as one piece. :) Nancy

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

Thank you, Nancy! We're still in chapter one territory in terms of the original version, so I originally intended that all these characters would be introduced in the first section, rather than split into their own chapters like this. I'm really enjoying writing this story again - I'd forgotten how much I like the characters!

Mike

reply by N.K. Wagner on 14-Aug-2012

It's easier to meet so many characters in small chunks like this. I like it, Mike. :) Nancy

Comment from Cleo Belle

Excellent

Really well written. It is obvious you know what you are doing as an author and obvious you can tell a story coherently. keep going.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012

Thanks so much, Cleo - what a wonderful compliment :-). I'm glad you enjoyed the read.

Mike