Comment from Rasp E

Excellent

Mmmm,good description and characterization of the combatants. It's vivid. Personally, I'd like more detail on the Viltna pass itself (I was starting to picture a colosseum environment, but caught the pass on the second reading). The only concrete details I get about it pertain to the sun and the noise the spectators make.

Great data in terms of a duelist's life. That's nice detail to rough in the world you're building.

Ah, I see. Mare is slang for your world, here. Gotcha.

Really solid fight scene. One of your best.

"Spun" on his heel, I believe.

Very solid, good chapter. I'm enjoying this so far.

Erica

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012

Most appreciated! I don't need two excuses to write extra detail so I'll flesh out the scene descriptions tomorrow. This fight is less than half the length it was in my original draft but I had to be merciless' - it still has plenty of detail. So glad you liked it :-)

Mike

Comment from CHarte

Exceptional

This was a great chapter. The writing was clean and descriptive with a great story line. You left the reader feeling like he was there. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
Collette

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012

Thanks so much, Collette! I'm thrilled you enjoyed the chapter so much. I was stunned to get the nomination, although I see I'm not going to win, but that's okay, lol :-)

Mike

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Hi Mike - this is might fine writing, though not to my taste with all the bloody violence, LOL!

You write it well and the reader can picture the scene vividly. Good flow and phrasing,. Fine sentence structure and good POV, too.


There are relatively no spag issues. Just two suggestions to note-

*arrow heads
arrowheads

*
For the most part, they travelled (traveled) between settlements, peddling goods human traders rarely managed to come by.


I Imagine this will prove appealing to those how love the genre---mostly guys!


Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012

Thanks so much, RD :-). Spag pointers greatly appreciated, and I'm grateful to you for reading despite the content. I'm having a lot of fun re-writing this. In my old draft of this story, the POV is all over the place (I wrote it as a teen), so it feels good to write it 'properly' at last.

Mike

reply by rama devi on 29-Aug-2012

That's great, Mike! :-)

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

Hello Mike, Well it's as good as any Gladiator that I've watched lately. Splendid in its morbid details. Felt like I could feel the hot blood spurting out in all directions ... This is a well written chapter. I'm excited to see where you go! xoxo d

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012

Thank you, Debs :-). I do like to write detail in my fight scenes. So many authors speed through action sequences but I like to lavish attention on them.

Mike

Comment from adewpearl

Exceptional

22 victories down, 78 to go - boy, that one fight had me exhausted and scared to death - I sure wouldn't relish a life where I had to repeat that 100 times.
Great action brought to life through your wonderful use of high-impact verbs
vivid and graphic descriptive detail
Excellent dialogue that conveys strong emotions - you sure know how to keep a reader's attention :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2012

Lol, thanks Brooke for the awesome review! I hate it when fight scenes are rushed through by authors without any indication of what made the hero win; why he's the better fighter. This is kind of the opposite, I guess! I'm so happy you liked it.:-)

Mike

Comment from Hitcher

Exceptional

A sword fight... COOL! Takes me back to the good old days when sword fights were all the rage in the movies; El Cid, The Vikings to name but two. You handled the sword play very well mate, the visuals were cool and their emotional responses/actions to the pain was top draw. I loved that you managed to introduce a new intriguing character in Rhyll to the chapter also, nice touch. Great chapter Mike!

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012

Cheers, mate! I love injecting detail into my fight scenes - it's something sorely lacking in most fantasy. I'm glad it came across well. It felt weird, writing it new when I have the old version sitting next to me. I think i'll stat putting character lists in the author notes as I go. So thrilled you enjoyed it :-).

Mike

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

So happy to see you writing another novel
this chapter much like the one yesterday
was stellar..keeping me on the edge throughout
so can't wait for the next thanks for the read Mike

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2012

Thank you, my dear Tammy :-). I'm enjoying breathing new life into this story of mine!

Mike

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Your awesome descriptions provided such vivid imagery I found myself ducking and dodging as I read. This is a terrific story and I am so glad I got in at the beginning. I anxiously look forward to the next chapter. I must have given you my allotted 2 6's since I cannot give you another.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012

Thanks so much, Sasha :-). I love packing detail into my fight scenes - it's one of the things that rarely gets done right in Fantasy. I'm thrilled you're enjoing it!

Mike

Comment from ScarletClearwater

Excellent

Great job with this piece. Your descriptions scream at me and force me to pay attention. They held me every step of the way. Nice work penning this.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012

Thank you, Scarlet :-). With so little dialogue in this chapter, I knew I had to get the descriptions right. Otherwise, it can get very tedious.

Mike

Comment from James crofoot

Exceptional

Ah dude, that was very cool. You handled that fight scene very well. detail! I think this is going to be a really cool story, and I am very glad I got in on the beginning.

One thing -Dunbar kept swinging, 'know' his technique was obvious...' 'now' you mean?

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012

Thanks so much, James. I like to write fight scenes with great detail, because I read too much fantasy where fights consist of 'his enemies fell before him' and such cop-out phrases. This was one of my focuses when I wrote this 10-18 years ago (I started when I was 17, finished aged 25!), and it's something I fully intend to keep now I'm rewriting it.

Thrilled to have you on board, mate.

Mike

PS: THanks for the catch! It's duly fixed.